I started eating again until he said something that made my stomach drop.
“Eddy? No, he’s still in critical condition. We released the bull back out into the field. He’ll be sent out to get processed soon. I don’t know what came over Eddy, he knows better than to get in a pen with… Yeah. He has some family…the hospital is taking care of all that. He hasn’t woken yet, but they will notify me if he does. No, Earl, and you know I will say this bluntly—we aren’t expecting him to wake up. The damage is extensive.”
“Mom?” I whispered. “I’m not feeling too well.”
A look of concern crossed her face. “Can I get you something? You look pale. What doesn’t feel well?”
“I’m just a bit dizzy. I think I’m going to go to bed early,” I told her. “All the chores are done.”
“That’s okay, don’t worry about it. Just leave your plate, Boo.”
I nodded and stood up. When Mom reached out and squeezed my hand as I walked past, I gave her a gentle squeeze back, hoping she wouldn’t feel my sweaty palms, before heading upstairs to my room.
Closing and locking my bedroom door behind me, I pressed my back against it. My legs became wobbly as I slid down until my butt hit the ground, and then a strangled noise escaped my throat.
I shook my head back and forth as tears fell. That day. That day, I’d seen Chase at the pitts in town. I saw him standing on the bridge, looking into the water, and I wanted to reach out to him. Something about the look on his face told me I needed to call out to him, but if Ed found out…
I slumped down until my cheek touched the floor. If Ed found out I was talking to aboy… But that's why I went home and asked. I thought I could make him see my point, that Chasewas like family to me. I missed him. I just wanted to talk. I would still belong to Ed.
I had only wanted to talk. Tears streamed down my face. It got out of hand so quickly. I had only wanted to talk.
Outside, in the distance, I could hear the dog barking. Ed crouched across the room in front of my mirror, watching me. “It’s all right, princess. I’ll take care of you. It’s time someone taught you some manners.”
5
Bailey
Tuesday
It was football that got me out of bed the next morning. I had spent the night trying to convince myself of lies that had to be truths and truths that were undoubtedly lies. Like,that's not how it happened, I told myself as I replayed the events of that night in my head.Accidents happen on farms all the time.Really, in the end, what was reality but our perception of events? How I perceived the events of that day were exactly how they’d happened. Right?
No.
Maybe.
I hated lying, but I hated lying to myself even more. I wasn’t daft; I didn’t like treating myself as such. So, while I needed a reason, a distraction, a focus this morning…football fluttered into my mind. Practice was first thing in the morning, and there were chores to do, so I had to get up. With newfound conviction, I turned off my alarm, wincing as the clock read four-thirty.
No one was in the barn this early in the morning, which was how I enjoyed it. I completed my tasks, feeding and watering everyone before cleaning their stalls.
The sun was starting to rise as I walked up to the house, still in my pajama pants and a hoodie.
“You’re up early,” Dad said. He held a cup of coffee in his hand as he sat on the porch, watching the sun rise.
“I have to be at the school by six-thirty.”
If the thought of football was the first thing to get me going, my dad’s happiness was a close second. The pride that had shone in his eyes the night before glistened in them now; his smile was infectious. “Do you know what position you will play?”
“No, I’m not really on the team yet. I’m going to watch practice today, then Coach will tell me.”
Dad nodded and looked out over the field in front of the house. “I sat out here, as I normally do for my first coffee, and was looking out over that patch of grass…right there.”
I turned, so I could see where he was pointing. I didn’t notice anything significant.
“That’s where you caught your first football.” He was grinning like a fool, which almost made me choke up. “You were in kindergarten, and your friends played every recess. One day, you came home, begging me, ‘Daddy, please, please teach me.’” He laughed, and I shook my head at the voice he gavelittle me.
“And I was a natural, wasn’t I?” I joked.
He nodded slowly, still reminiscing. “You never gave up. That’s in your blood, Bailey. We McCormicks, we never give up. You’ll join the team, it’s just what we do.”