Page 107 of Saving the Halfback

“Thanks. I’ve been clean this week. Urine testing is in a month. Besides”—Lachlan smiled at me—“I think I found a new vice.”

Nolan laughed and slipped his arm around my shoulder as we walked back to the school.

“What happened to Derrick?” I asked. “How are Chase and Ethan?”

“Chase and Ethan are in class, where they’ve been since they finished lunch in the cafeteria. If you want to know about Derrick, I will tell you, but if you would rather not know, then I don’t know anything, either.”

What he was telling me was that Ethan and Chase were safe and untouched, and if I wanted to continue my ways of feigning ignorance to events of last Friday, ignore the consequences of what had happened, then he would keep quiet about that as well. Nolan was starting to understand me in ways I wasn’t sure I understood myself. “I’m good. Lachlan and I, we’ve been at the sticks the whole time and didn’t hear the bell ring.”

Nolan nodded. “Which was why I left the cafeteria to get you guys.”

As we got to the school, Nolan reached for the handle of the door, pulling it open for us, just as the sound of sirens drew close. I froze and looked up at him, his blue eyes meeting my gaze and holding it. “We’ve got you, Bails.” The sirens got louder and louder until they sounded like they were in the parking lot.

“Always, babe,” Lachlan whispered, pressing his hand to the small of my back and ushering me into the school.

My only hope was that the noise of sirens wasn’t a new sound that would keep me up at night.

In gym,we were playing basketball. All week prior, we had been learning about the sport and common injuries, as well as how to read the standings. At the end of class, though, Coach pulled all the football players that were in the class aside.

“If you run into any other players today, tell them to come down to my office,” he told us as he pulled out a large box. He got to work rummaging around in it, finding specific names before handing out cloth bags.

We all pulled out letterman jackets. Mine had my name sewn on the back, along with my number, and the school mascot patch on the front. The material was thick, and the arms had that fresh new leather scent, the quality nicer than I figured the school could afford, especially with a dying program.

“Bailey.” Coach pulled me aside while everyone tried on their jackets. “This was very generous of your father. Could you give him this?” Coach handed me an envelope and two team ball caps. “We look forward to seeing him at tomorrow's game.”

“Yes, thank you.” I took everything from him. Inside the envelope were two season tickets to all our high school games. Dad bought all these jackets? For the whole team?

It was Ethan’s expression that warmed my heart. He held his jacket delicately, staring at it like it was the most prized thing he had ever seen.

37

Bailey

Friday

Rumors were circulating about what had happened to Derrick yesterday. Apparently, the whole ambulance scene had drawn a crowd, but we were in gym class, so we missed it. Most of the rumors mentioned comas and death, which had me practically hyperventilating. If true, Derrick would have been the second guy to end up in a coma because of me.

Fortunately, Derrick himself showed up to school, his right arm in a cast and left hand broken. His nose was broken, taped up, and bruises framed the skin under his eyes. He had all the girls fawning over him, trying to help him in history, saying they could take notes for him, since both his hands were out of commission. His story? He had gotten jumped in the parking lot. He didn’t see the guy, but he was somehow certain the guy didn’t go to this school. It just so happened that the parking lot cameras didn’t reach where he’d been when the incident occurred.

Derrick didn’t look at me. He kept his head down and avoided even walking around me, choosing to go the long route to his desk.

I glanced up at Ethan, who had a quiet smile on his face. He leaned back in his chair with his hands up over his head, as if he didn’t have a care in the world.

Ethan was sexy as sin in his letterman jacket, it fit his large frame perfectly, as though made for him. When he, Nolan, and Lachlan were together—I only excluded Chase from that list because he was still keeping up his avoidance routine—I had to calm my rapid heart. The closer I got to one, the closer I felt to the other, and the more I felt for them all.

In the past, I’d done what Ed asked of me because he’d taught me what he required of me. Without using words, he taught me,when I compliment you, you fawn over me, giggle, be grateful.But when Nolan called me beautiful or adorable, I groaned and roll my eyes, and he smiled at me, caressing my arm or back with his hand.

When I make a move, you open up to me; you give me exactly what I’m asking for.But Lachlan waited for me. He hadn’t smoked all week, mentioning that our little make-out session helped calm him. He never took it for his own needs. When he’d climbed into the truck this morning, I could tell he’d had a sleepless night, but he never demanded anything of me.

When I do something for you, you bend over and give me what I want. Everything I want. When I go out of my way for you, you give yourself completely to me.Ethan and Chase asked nothing of me. Ethan hummed contently as we waited for the history teacher, smiling in his own world. I wasn’t stupid. I could see his ripped-up knuckles. I knew he had taken a few hits on Derrick, and I’d seen Chase take the first punch, and not one of them came to me, demanding anything.

It was ingrained in me that what Ed had told me was the norm, and without following his rules, affection, friendship, and companionship would be withheld. Because, before he did everything to me, Ed was every part the friend and companionI’d needed at that point in my life. He was my everything, and when I didn’t follow the etiquette he imposed, he would leave me for a day. He would turn his eyes to someone else for a day. I was so desperate to make him happy, I followed his rules. Those damn unspoken rules.

But it was all a lie…wasn’t it? Another lie I told myself.

Lachlan gave me a choice. Chase gave me a choice. Ethan and Nolan gave me a choice. And when I made my choice, not one of them withheld friendship or affection from me. Chase was putting distance between us right now, but I was confident I could walk up to him, and he would touch me, hold me, offer comfort. I was allowed to be loved without the demand or obligation of having to repay him or grovel for it. It was a painful truth that I didn’t have to give everything to feel something. I had lost so much over the years because of this truth.

When the teacher arrived, I tried to listen to the half of class we were obligated to attend before leaving early for our away game. I couldn’t hear anything, though. The guilt that always hung over my head, weighing me down, started to twist into anger. I always thought the harm Ed had inflicted was physical, and if I obeyed, I could avoid the physical harm from everyone else. I had no clue how deep the mental harm truly went. So deep that I was leaving myself open to physical attacks from people like Derrick. My hands clenched into fists, the betrayal seeping into the pit of my stomach and festering.

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