Page 31 of His Vengeful Tradwife

I didn't like to give Maverick anything, but how could I resist being there for his psychoanalysis by force?

"I'll stay," I said. "Just don't touch me."

He made a low note of pain, clenching and unclenching his big fists, then shoving them into his pockets as if to keep himself from me.

"Maybe you had better leave," I told my parents. "I'll see you later."

"OK, honey," My dad said. "As long as you're ok?"

He glanced over at Maverick, and I saw my ex flush.

Well, fucking good. He should be embarrassed.

"I'm so sorry, sir," Maverick said haltingly. "It was--the stupidest mistake."

"Some mistakes can't be undone," Dad said, taking my stepmom's hand.

Maverick hung his head, and his mother grabbed his ear firmly and dragged him over to where there was a desk in the stateroom.

Both Drs. Laurent sat on one side of the desk, grumbling to each other, while Maverick grabbed chairs for us and we sat down on the other side.

My in-laws were both making low, angry exclamations to each other as they gathered pens and paper and began to stack their psychology textbooks in front of them.

"Why, I never--"

"Simply REPULSIVE"

"Never in all my goddamn years--"

“To cheat on this absolute angel—”

“Thissaintof a woman—"

"My own flesh and blood!"

"Did we spoil him too much, Henrietta?"

"Well, Pierre, you WOULD tell him he was such a clever, handsome boy."

"Maybe that was our mistake. Probably hard labor would have been more appropriate?"

I felt Maverick's hand on the back of my chair, then his desperate eyes were looking wildly into mine. "Tallulah, youhave tobelieve me when I tell you how sorry I am. I can't believe I ever was stupid enough to suggest divorce. I will go through any counseling you want if you only promise to forgive me.”

"SILENCE!" my father-in-law snapped. "Now, Maverick, we need to get to the root cause of this. Tell me about your recent dreams."

"I guess. . .I guess I had a dream about a building the other night. And Tallulah was in danger and I was trying to get to her, but my legs wouldn't move."

I wanted to roll my eyes, but suppressed the urge.

"Now we're getting somewhere," Dr. Laurent said. "There's only one interpretation for that, wouldn't you agree, Dr. Laurent?"

"I certainly agree, Dr. Laurent. Clearly it's about his penis. He feels a sublimated anxiety about its place in the world, perhaps anxiety about if his penis will continue to perform up to expectations as he turns 40."

They began to scribble notes furiously on a pad of paper and flip through a book entitledYour Aging Penis And You.

"It's not-- it's not about my penis!" Maverick said hotly. "My penis is perfectly normal. I have no anxiety about it. Back me up here, Tallulah."

It was no part of my plans to back up Maverick, so I said, "His penis is adequate."

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