Page 62 of Spring Awakening

“I haven’t had sex since I’ve lived here,” he says, leaning his head against the back cushion of the sofa. “And a little while before that.”

She frowns. “The papers are gross for always saying you were out if you weren’t. Well, they’re gross regardless.”

“True.” He shrugs. “But I don’t read them, or care.”

“So true of you,” she replies, copying his positioning. Her toes touch his calf.

“Why did you ask?”

She runs her tongue along her top lip. “I don’t really know. I’m having… I don’t know… changes? It’s making me feel as crazy as I did when I went through puberty.”

Zach smiles. “What changes?”

She plays with her fingers. “I’ve had sex before, but only ever when I’ve been in a relationship. I never really feel horny or anything unless there’s feelings there. I think. Like, I don’t see people and want to sleep with them. It takes some time, and usually, we’re dating by then.”

“Uh-huh.”

“So, well, I’m not in a relationship, and yet I’m horny all the fucking time, and I can’t do anything about it because you might hear me.”

Zach feels his eyes bug out. “Wait, what?” He doesn’t tell her it’s too late. He heard her last night, and the night before. He won’t tell her, because she looks embarrassed, and he doesn’t want her to be. He doesn’t tell her it’s the hottest thing to ever happen to him, and it’s blown every single sexual encounter he’s ever had out the water, and he wasn’t even there.

Mali laughs and leans her head into her hands. “God, this is so embarrassing.”

“You don’t need to be embarrassed,” he says, tapping her foot with his. He brings his leg up, bending his knee, and it has nothing to do with hiding his erection at the thought of her being horny, or touching herself, or her being alive.

“Why can’t you do anything when I’m here?” Zach asks. “I’ve never been in your room. Do you think I’ll think you’re having a nightmare at eight p.m. and come barging through your door?”

He jokes as if he’s not at a real risk of coming in his trousers from her words alone. The way her blush spreads down her neck. The way her throat bobs as she tries to avoid his gaze. The way he’s gripping the pillow to stop himself crawling to her.

“Oh my God, shut up!” She laughs. “I do. Well, I have.” She shuffles in her seat. “I don’t know if guys get this. I’ve tried googling it, but I can’t be bothered to scour Reddit—”

“Obviously.”

“Obviously,” she says with a laugh. “Sometimes, erm, if I just use my fingers or whatever, but—”

His heartrate quickens. She might be able to hear it. “What’s whatever?”

“No questions at this time,” she replies, and he laughs, using the motion to subtlety move his rock-hard dick. He wonders who she thinks about. Has she ever thought about him the way he thinks about her?

“Okay, so I’ll be doing—you know—it, and then the big finish happens, and it feels like I have a good half an orgasm left.”Do not ask her if she needs help. This is not a book.She is a friend and she’s casually asking her friend about an issue that does not require him to turn into a horndog even though he’s dangerously close to self-combustion.

“What?”

“Exactly! Like, I’m done, but I’m not done. It’s better with my vibrator, but I’m too worried you’ll hear.”

“Just ask me to go outside!”

“I’m not asking you to leave the house! Then you’ll know anyway, so what was the point?!”

Zach laughs harder than he has in ages. “Mal, I’ve never heard anything from your room. Just go for it.”

She groans. “If you hear, you’re not allowed to say anything.”

He draws a cross over his heart, and he wonders if the stabbing pain is because he’s lying to her.

“Why haven’t you had sex?” she asks. “Are the papers completely wrong and you’re not a pretty fuckboy?”

He groans. “I don’t think they ever said fuckboy.” She laughs. “It’s true. I used to go home with pretty much anyone with a decent face. It just lost its appeal.”

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