Page 83 of Spring Awakening

“Are you serious?”

He smiles brighter. “Why else do you think I mentioned the weather so often? It’s not even my fault, Mal. Half my cognitive function disappears the moment you look my way, and I was so desperate for you to want to talk to me.”

“I always want to talk to you,” she whispers.

“I’m slowly starting to let myself believe it,” he says. “At the start, I so badly wanted you to be impressed by me that I panicked. I still do.”

“You know I have a T-shirt with your name on it from every club you’ve ever been at, right?” she says, and the look on his face suggests he didn’t know that. Mali also knows he always thinks people want him for his body. His rugby ability. She doesn’t care about that.

“But then I met you,” she says, her voice low, “and rugby is so far down on the list of reasons I think about you all the time.”

“Can’t believe you think I’m shit at rugby,” he says, and she laughs, flicking water at him.

“You’re literally so annoying,” she says, then, “and maybe my favourite person in the world.”

Zach looks at her with slightly wide eyes. Like maybe this conversation has been a long time coming for him too. Like it still came out of nowhere. Like he has no idea how to contain any emotions right now.

“You know,” he says, swallowing and sitting up a little. She takes a deep breath, because there are many reasons she’s in love with him, but he’s still the most beautiful person she’s ever seen. “After I did all the hard work of changing my biology and it’s all your fault, yada yada yada…” Mali rolls her eyes, but she leans closer all the same. “I had to do it all over again when I saw you without your wig on. And despite the physical turmoil that put me in…” She flicks water at him again, but he holds onto her hand before she can retreat.

“…you’re my favourite person in the world too.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Zach sees no differencein his skin when he wipes the face mask off, but it made Mali smile, so he’ll probably do it again. He flicks the bathroom light off as he strolls across the hallway in her robe. He doesn’t want tonight to end, but he’s not sure how to ask her to stay. Somehow, the steam from the bathroom made it easy to talk about a life he wants, but now he’s terrified to go for it.

Then, her bedroom door opens, and she’s changed from the pyjamas she was in to new ones. He said it was silly at the time, but now she’s only in his top. The tops of her thighs are bare, and he worries this robe, which sits too high on his own thighs, won’t hide a growing erection.

“Hey.”

“Hi. Do you want…” Mali says, then shakes her head. “Never mind. Night!”

“Wait,” he says, but she shuffles back into her room like a thief in the night. She’s not that fast, though. Her socks get caught on the carpet, but she can’t walk fast regardless. Zach reaches out, holding her elbow lightly. “Mal.”

“Zachariah.” He gulps. No one ever calls him that but her. He’s spent the best part of his life hating his name, but the way she says it, it sounds like a melody. His fingers tighten against her elbow. She doesn’t mention it.

“What were you going to say?” he asks. Mali rolls her neck, and Zach wonders what it would be like to kiss her there.

“It’s going to sound weird.”

“Tell me anyway.”

She pouts, and he steps closer, though he realises too late that he never let her arm go. Her room is only partly illuminated by the lamppost outside. It will turn off soon. Something he thought was silly mere months ago. The whole point in streetlights is that they’re supposed to protect you when it’s dark. Right now, he doesn’t feel protected at all. He feels like she’s about to ask him if he’ll go diving with a shark and he’ll be underwater so fast she’ll barely have time to blink.

“Tell me,” he whispers. She doesn’t because she’s a brat, but then she shuffles where she stands, and he knows he’s won.

She sighs. “Do you wanna sleep in my room with me?”

Zach short-circuits. His hand falls from her arm so fast it hits the doorframe on the way down.

“Well,” she says, with a light laugh. “Don’t be weird about it.”

“You want me to sleep with you?”

Mali’s eyes darken. He thinks. The streetlights just went out, so it’s entirely plausible it’s that and the thought of sleeping together did nothing to her eyes.

“I’m not asking you to fuck me,” she says, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. Zach barely swallows a moan. He’s spent so long thinking about the feel of her, the way she’d move, the way she’d moan, that he’s foolishly not been imagining what she’d sound like when she speaks. God, what he’d do for her to ask. Zach’s not sure how she makes the word “fuck” sound like aprayer, but he’ll get on his knees if she so much as whispers that she wants him too.

Zach swallows. She’s the prettiest thing he’s ever seen, and he can barely see the outline of her. But he doesn’t mind. His physics teacher taught him that his eyes would adjust to darkness; it might just take a while. (Zach used to be scared of the night, because in his defence, it’screepy.) So, he knows he only needs to be patient, and she’ll be back. Zach has never been so glad he paid attention in school. In the meantime, he reaches for her arm again.

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