Page 39 of Spring Awakening

Most people on the team speak highly of him when he’s not around, and she knows he’s a good guy from what she’s seen, but she wants him to tell her that. To show her that side of him. She wants to know what his dreams are, and if they’re different from when he was younger. She wants to know if he thinks about her as much as she thinks about him. She wants to know if he knows she’s incorporated the word “innit” into her inner monologue because he uses it so much. She wants to know if he’s ever going to apologise for stealing her cat.

Mali sees him walking towards her just as she grabs a trolley. Somehow, in the early morning annoyance at work, she forgot how attractive she finds him. She’s trying not to think about it, because they’re roommates now and she’s not in the middle of a rom com. He’ll live with her for a maximum of six months, speak all of four words to her in that time, and she’ll think about him for the rest of her life.

Still, a smile blooms on her face, but it falls before he sees it. He’s sad, or he’s mad, or he’s bored.

“Hey,” she says, her hands tight against the handle so she doesn’t try to hug him. (Mali hugs everyone, it’s not weird, but she does think she’d think about him inappropriately if she hugged him, so she doesn’t.) Zach smiles slightly, his arms waving by his sides like he was about to hug her too but changed his mind. They’ve never hugged before. They’ve barely eventouched. The five-second hand-holding at the table has never been mentioned, let alone repeated.

“Hey.”

“You okay?”

He nods, and she doesn’t believe him, but she doesn’t push it. One thing she has learnt about Zach is she can push and he’ll tell her, but she wants him to tell her because he wants to, not because he wants her to stop asking.

“Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

Mali walks in front of him, putting her bag in the child’s seat. She doesn’t have a list, which is silly. She’s hungry, so it’s possible she’s about to spend her monthly wage on random snacks. She vaguely remembers writing something on the list on the fridge, but now she can’t remember it, and all she’s thinking about is Smarties.

She stops at the fruit and veg, wondering what she wants to eat this week that’s not full of sugar. Perhaps Zach would want to share food with her this time. She’s got a busy week at work, and him handling breakfast would be a lifesaver. There’s something stopping her from asking him, though. Something to do with how he doesn’t speak to her, and how when she asked at the start if he wanted to split food, he said no.

Something like that.

Sometimes, Mali feels like they’re still not friends, they’re acquaintances who live together, and she wants more than that because she always wants to know people. She’s not particularly good at being disliked. She’ll get over that, though, if the person is a cunt. But Zach’s not, even if he likes to think he is. She’s desperate to know him.

“What’s—” she starts while he says, “How—”

“You go first,” she says, frowning at the green bananas. Ripen at home is all very well, but what if she wants a banana in the next ten days?

“How are you?” he asks. She smiles at him. He’s so cute, like it takes him time to remember how to have a normal conversation. She wonders if it’s because he’s so used to dealing with dicks at work or if that’s just how his brain works.

“I’m okay. A bit tired, I think, and I don’t know what I want for dinner.”

“Where’s your list?” Zach asks, and she pouts. “Mali…”

“No,” she whines, barely resisting the urge to rest her forehead against his chest. Lord above, what she would do for him to hug her right now. “I called my dad on the way to work this morning, and I forgot the one on the fridge. Be nice to me or I’m going to let him come round.”

“Why can’t he come round?” Zach asks, picking up a bunch of bananas, but he scowls too.

“He’s a fan, and not a small fan. A he knows what you scored in your last match fan. I don’t want you to be freaked out.”

Zach smiles. “He’s your dad, Mal. I’m going to be nervous either way. Besides, I know you miss your parents. Don’t change anything for me.”

Mali hums. “’Kay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you when he turns up in head-to-toe Titans gear.”

Zach laughs, a real one. They’re so friends.

“Why are none of these bananas even slightly yellow?” he asks, placing them in the trolley either way.

“Ugh,” Mali replies. “I hate shopping.”

“I would have got the stuff you wanted,” he says. “You didn’t have to come.”

Mali swallows. “I know. I wanted to come with you.”

He smiles a true, dimple-making smile. “You did?”

“I did.”

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