Page 77 of Finding Her Strength

“Good.” He leans in and whispers a kiss across my lips.

My whole life has been one heartbreak after another. I’ve never once felt like I was meant for anything more than surviving day-to-day.

Until I met Levi.

He’s shown me what it’s like to be loved unconditionally. What it’s like to feel as if I’m worth more than the nothing I’ve always been made to believe I am. He’s helped me see how much strength I hold on my own and how much stronger I am with people who love me standing by my side.

I’ll never be able to thank him for everything he’s done. All my previously held beliefs were shattered by his smile, his joy, and his love.

All I can do is love him with everything I have and hope it's enough to show him how much he means to me.

44

HOPE

Acalmness settles over me as I sit on the wooden bench, watching the trial play out in front of me. I thought I would be racked with nerves today. It would be natural for me to be worried about what’s about to happen. Instead, I feel a cold sense of justice steeling my spine. With Levi’s hand in mine, I feel stronger than ever.

These past several months have been met with incredible happiness, as well as crushing setbacks. It’s been hard not to let myself wallow in the hardships. Some days, it feels as if I’ll never be normal. Maybe I won’t. Maybe there will always be a reactionary part of me who flinches when someone moves too fast.

For so long, my life was a living hell, and even though I am no longer living in it, I will always be afraid of going back there. But, I think it’s okay. It’s a reminder of where I’ve been and how far I’ve come.

Now, as I sit in the drafty courthouse, listening to the judge speak about the case, a sense of peace settles over me.

In a few short minutes, the nightmare will officially be over. The black cloud hanging over my head will dissipate, finally bringing the sunshine. I can feel eyes on me across theroom, hatred seeping out like a black mist. I won’t dignify the bastard with my attention. He doesn’t deserve it.

I can still see the look on his face when I took the stand to testify.

I always thoughtAntony was the epitome of the devil. He’s got the looks, the charm, and the evil lurking right under the surface. He did a great job of hiding that evil from those he needed to persuade, but I saw it.

Today, sitting across the room in an orange jumpsuit, hands shackled together, the devil inside him is no longer hiding. He looks like pure evil, and I know if we were anywhere else besides a courtroom, he would kill me. That’s how much hatred is pouring off him.

“Hope Langley, please take the stand,” the judge calls from his bench. Levi squeezes my leg, offering his silent support. He testified this morning, which gave me an idea of what it would be like.

With shaking hands, I stand from the audience and make my way to the front of the courtroom. After I sit down on the stand, the judge swears me in, his tone serious. My chest tightens, making it hard to breathe. For a minute, I start to panic. What if I can’t get through this? What if I mess it up and Antony walks because of me?

Through my panic, my gaze lands on Levi sitting in the front row. Noticing my distress, he exaggerates a deep breath, and I unconsciously mimic his action. The tightness in my chest eases as we breathe together until I’m able to focus on the prosecutor walking across the room.

“Are you okay, Hope?” he asks, concern clear on his face.

“Yes, I’m okay.”

He nods his head, then begins to ask me questions. He gives me softballs at first to ease me into the rhythm of his questioning.

“Tell me about the night the defendant kidnapped you.”

Keeping my eyes on Levi, I tell the whole courtroom what happened. How Antony forced me into the car, how I caused thewreck to escape his capture. Everything. The prosecutor also asks about my previous history with Antony. How I became his wife, the assault, and my involvement in providing the police with evidence. I’m not pressing charges for the sexual assault, but the prosecutor wanted to establish a behavior pattern and prove Antony had a reason to kidnap me.

At the end of my story, it feels like the elephant sitting on my chest has walked away, leaving a sense of peace in its place. It wasn’t easy to share my history with a room full of people, but I’m starting to accept it as a part of me without letting it rule my life anymore.

When the prosecutor ends his questioning, my nerves ramp back up. I know the defense is going to try to discredit my statement. The prosecutor prepared me for this moment, but I’m still worried I’m going to mess it up, allowing Antony to go free.

“You said Antony forced you into the car, but that’s not entirely true. You let him lead you to the car, didn’t you?” the defense attorney asks.

“Antony told me he’d killed my boyfriend. I was lost in the grief of hearing that the one I love was no longer alive. Then, when I realized he was going to put me in the car, I ran.”

The defense attorney keeps coming at me, trying to make me change my statement, but strength flows through me as I repeat my story. Never once wavering on the details because they are etched so deeply into my brain, I know I won’t mess them up.

Finally, the judge tells me I can step down from the stand. Knowing I did everything I could to put Antony away helps me stand tall as I walk across the floor. I don’t even look at Antony as I pass by, even though I can feel him glaring at me.

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