Page 16 of Finding Her Strength

Shaking my head at my pointless thoughts, I walk out to the garage. A sandwich from the café sounds delicious, and once I’m fueled, I’ll head to the grocery store. If I can keep the reward of a delicious meal in mind, I might be able to get through it.

Once I’m in my car, I make my way to the café. I do miss being within walking distance, but the store is still close, so Ican easily grab a coffee or breakfast there anytime. Most people go to the café for their amazing sandwiches, so I’m sure they’ll be busy on a Sunday afternoon. It’s worth the extra wait time, though.

The smell of toasted bread floats around the room as I step into the café. It’s loud, too, which isn’t a surprise for a Sunday afternoon. My stomach rumbles hard, and I’m glad I decided to have lunch here instead of finding something at home.

The restaurant has a counter with a window box displaying the pastries of the day. Unsurprisingly, there are only a few trays left since it’s lunchtime. I jump in the long line to order, trying not to get overwhelmed with the number of people here. The line slowly moves forward, so I grab my book out of my tote bag to read while I wait.

Something catches my eye, making me look up from my book to find Levi’s gaze on me. A gorgeous smile fills his face when I finally make eye contact. My stomach quivers when I realize he’s here for lunch, too. How can I have lived in this town for over a year and never have run into him before, but now, when I can’t seem to stop thinking about him, he’s everywhere I am?

Why is this my life?

I swipe my sweaty hands across my pants and force my eyes to go somewhere other than to the handsome man who hasn’t stopped being on my mind since he stepped foot in my store. I swore I would never allow a man to influence my decisions again, yet, here I am, wanting to flee this place because this dazzling guy makes me nervous.

“Can I help you?”

Startled, I look at the cashier. I didn’t even notice it was my turn.Damn you, Levi.

“Hi, um…” I clear my throat in an attempt to get my thoughts to focus. “Can I have a BLT and a bowl of chicken noodle soup, please?”

The cashier rings me up and takes my cash, then hands me a number stand for my table. I turn to scan the room, hoping for an open table on the opposite side of the café, away from Levi. Every single table is taken despite how hard I’m wishing someone will move for me.

“You’re welcome to sit with me.”

I jump, my heart lurching in my chest. “How are you so sneaky?” The words fly out of my mouth before I can reel them back in.

Levi laughs, and I take a moment to appreciate the joy radiating off him. His smile lights up his entire face while his laugh bubbles up inside me, creating this oddly euphoric feeling. I don’t think I’ve ever been around someone with so much happiness buzzing around him. It’s unsettling. And unexpected. He’s the first man I’ve ever felt comfortable around. Even though my nerves are through the roof, I’m not afraid. I’m curious.

“I apologize. I don’t mean to keep sneaking up on you. I wanted to offer my table. It doesn’t seem like there’s any other option.”

I sigh, looking around again. He’s right, of course, so I resign myself to enduring his company. The problem isn’t even Levi. It’s having to deal with the constant barrage of thoughts that filter through my head when he’s near me. On top of that, I seriously enjoy looking at him, even though I know I shouldn’t. Sitting with him will allow me to get to know him better, and the more I get to know him, the more tempting he becomes.

All I can do is nod my head, but looking at Levi, you’d think he won the lottery. His happiness spreads to me, making my lips twitch up in a smile.

We sit down at the table, and both of our metal number stands sit to my left, leaving the middle of the table clear. I start drumming my fingers, not knowing what else to do. The quiet stretches between us, becoming awkward anduncomfortable. This is weird.I’mweird. Why am I sitting here?

“Maybe I should get my order to go,” I suggest, standing from my chair.

“Wait. Don’t go.”

I freeze in an awkward crouch, my body reverting back to obeying commands on instinct. I look at Levi but am surprised by his expression. Instead of the hard lines and angry eyes I expect, they’re soft and pleading. Almost apologetic in their deep, soulful gaze.

“Okay, I’ll stay, then.” My voice is barely above a whisper, the instinct to run flitting away as fast as it came. The tightness in my muscles releases, and I plop back down into my chair. Why does he never do what I expect him to do? Between constantly apologizing to me, making me laugh, and his overall happy demeanor, I don’t know how to interact properly with him.

Anger and aggression have always been the leading emotions in my interactions with men. They never cared about how I felt, and they certainly never apologized to me. If anything, they expected me to be the one apologizing to them. Between their manipulations and the complete isolation I was kept in, I am utterly lacking in the right skills to handle this situation appropriately.

What would it be like to have a man like Levi in my life? My past has taught me there’s more risk than reward in relationships with men. But right now, as I stare into Levi’s warm gaze, I’m not so sure that applies to him. Being in his presence fills me with an ease I’ve never experienced when I’ve been around a man—anyman—before.

The ever-present fear I’m used to feeling has morphed into more of a wariness, an uncertainty of doing the wrong things, not because I’m afraid of the consequences but because I don’t want to push him away. I’m utterly perplexed by this odd turn of my emotions.

“Is the store closed today, or are you taking a break?” Levi’s words pull me out of my head.

“We’re usually closed on Sundays. Although, most of the time, I’m still at the store, working on something.” I shrug my shoulders. I work a lot since I don’t have much else to do.

“I’m almost always working, too. I have a hard time sitting still except to eat.” Levi’s smile is engaging, and mine follows quickly after his.

“I meant to ask you the other day how the flowers worked out for you.”

Levi’s eyes light up at the mention of his friend. Again, I feel like there could be more there than he led on. “She loved them, but I wasn’t let off the hook until after a shopping trip for her zoo.”

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