Page 37 of Burn It Down

I roll this information around in my brain and the lightbulb goes off. “They’re labeled PH because you live in the penthouse, don’t you?”

He doesn’t bat an eyelash as he nods. And why would he? It’s just a fact of life for him.

“I’ve never been to a place this fancy,” I admit. “Your furniture isn’t all white, is it? Because those places freak me out. I’m immediately going to fuck something up.”

I expect him to laugh, but his voice is deep and he still sounds pissed.

“No, I prefer dark colors.”

“Hey, you okay?” I ask, sliding into one of his guest spaces and killing the engine.

“Yeah.”

I’m not convinced.

Knowing I should apologize for the position I put him in out on that raft, I add. “I’m sorry for what I said earlier. It was an asshole thing to ask and honestly, I don’t know what came over me. I blame the liquor. I don’t really think, you know…that you think I’m hot or anything.”

“It’s fine.”

There he goes again, saying it’s fine when it so obviously is not, but I’ve given him enough shit today and I don’t want to press my luck so I stay quiet.

We grab our bags and head for the elevator. He enters a code and the doors slide open.

“Code’s 1112 if you ever need it.”

“That should be easy to remember. It’s my birthday.”

“No shit?” He finally chuckles, relieving some of my tension.

When we step onto the elevator, Jake hits his button and reenters his code then squeezes himself into the corner farthestfrom me. We ride in silence for what feels like ten minutes and finally the elevator dings, announcing our arrival on the top floor.

When the doors open, I’m stunned. “Is this your actual place? Like, the elevator drops you off right in your apartment?”

“Yeah.”

“Isn’t that a security issue?”

“Maybe, but that’s what the code is for. It’s the only thing that will get the elevator up here.”

“What if there’s a fire?” I ask, suddenly concerned for his safety.

“There are stairs. And I stashed a foldable ladder on the third floor so if access to the ground floor is blocked, I only have to go down six flights of stairs and then I can break the window and climb down the ladder outside. You don’t work at the fire station and not have multiple contingency plans.”

“Wait, you work at the fire station with the other guys?”

Jake was quiet during most of the conversation today and maybe the guys just assumedIknew whattheyknew, so no one really explained the set up.

“I do, that’s where I met them, but I’d appreciate it if you kept that little gem of knowledge to yourself.”

“Sure, but…why?”

Jake picks up a remote and a second later, soft lighting illuminates his kitchen and living room. “Because it’s the only thing in my life that I have just for me and if my father finds out, I’ll be forced to give it up…just like everything else.”

Well, if that isn’t a statement I’d like to unpack, I don’t know what is.

“What else have you had to give up?” I ask, wanting to know what’s missing from his life. They say money can’t buy happiness and for the first time, I’m starting to think “they” are right. Jake’s dark eyes match his sad smile.

I hate it.

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