Page 80 of Burn It Down

“Not sexually, no.” Geez, I can’t even look at her as I confess.

She stands and begins to pace. Huffing out an indignant sigh she says, “Christ, Jacob! We’ve had sex! How did that work? Surely you feltsomething?”

Finally hearing the anger I expected last night, I scrub my hand down my face. “I…I have a prescription for Viagra.”

“Oh my God, this just keeps getting better.” A look passes over her features. It’s dark and swirling with emotions that she keeps under control like always. “Do you feel like this is something we can move past? Because if this is a phase, or like an every-now-and-then-thing, I can overlook it.”

My eyes grow wide as I try to stay calm, uttering words I’ve needed to say for almost two decades.

“Cora, I’m gay. It’s not a phase.”

In a rare display of heated emotion, Cora whirls to face me. “And what aboutme,Jacob?”

I want to go to her, but don’t know if she wants me to get any closer, so I stay seated.

“Cora, you’re beautiful, brilliant, and have a heart of gold. You’re also young. You’ll find someone who loves you the way you deserve to be loved.

She blows out a breath and runs her hand down her ponytail, calming herself. She closes her eyes and upon opening them, I watch as her expression changes from despondent to determined. Finally taking a seat on the couch next to me, she crosses her legs, her thigh pressed against mine.

“I’ve known we would end up together since I was twelve. Your name was always on my parent’s lips. Looking back now, I realize that was probably done on purpose. I would get so excited to see you at events at the club. Every time you acknowledged me, I would obsess over the interaction for days. By the time you finally asked me out on our first date, I was already in love with you. To find out now that it was all orchestrated…makes me feel so foolish and manipulated. I’ve counted on a future with you. I’ve planned for that future. I waspromisedthat future. And I’m not stupid, I knew something was going on with Dylan…but I thought we would get past it. Hell, even Steve assured me we would get past it which is why I threw you two together last night. I figured the faster you got it out of your system, the faster we could move on.”

My attention snags on one name. “You’ve talked to my father about this?”

Her cheeks turn rosy and her eyes drop to her hands. “He’s concerned about Dylan being in your life. He, too, realizes something is going on.”

Of course he does. I’ve practically shoved it in his face every chance I’ve had. My desperation morphing into defiance since the day Dylan and I met.

“When did you discuss this?” I ask, trying to keep my voice even and my volume reasonable.

“The first time he questioned me was when I met him to pick up his donation to the silent auction. Then last night, he didn’t buy my story about the fever, but I promised you I would cover for you, so I held strong, hoping I was wrong.” She looks down at her hands, tears welling in her eyes.

I reach over and squeeze her hand, hating that my father’s greed has caused so much damage to her kind heart and fragile soul. He may have used her to control me, but I allowed him to usemeas his weapon of choice to solidify his friendship with Martin, hurting Cora in the process.

“I hate this so much, Cor. I never wanted to hurt you. I was prepared to do the best I could as a husband. You are without a doubt, the most incredible woman I know and I would have loved you the best way I knew how. Dylan was just…so…unexpected.” I’m trying to explain, but I think I’m making it worse so I switch gears. “Were you honestly happy with the way things were between us?” Selfishly, I need to hear her sayno. I need to know that although it hurts now, I’m helping her find the life she wants too.

She smiles at me sweetly, compassion and understanding in her eyes as she runs her fingers along my cheek before trailing her thumb across my closed lips.

“I was when I thought it was real,” she admits, landing a direct blow to the organ in my chest. She laughs, but it sounds bitter. I still have her hand in mine and am relieved she hasn’t tried to pull away yet. “Did you know when Dylan’s in a room, he’s all you see,” she says, almost wistfully. And that’s when I realizesherealizes I’ve never looked atherthat way.

“Christ.” I scrub my hand down my embarrassed face. “Cora, can you forgive me? I don’t know what it is about him that makes it impossible for me to keep my hands to myself and my head on straight. I’m so sorry we hurt you.”

“You’re in love with him, Jacob. That much is clear.” Her voice has lost all emotionality, causing her to sound numb. Resigned to the fact that we’re breaking up…that her future no longer looks the way she’s thought it would since she was a preteen. And I fucking hate myself for doing this to her. I hate my father for doing this tome.Tous.

Not having enough time to unpack her bold declaration of my love for Dylan or dive deeply enough to figure out if she’s right — although, I suspect she is and I feel like Dylan should be the first person I admit that too — I shift the focus to the question burning inside me.

“What happens next?”

“Whatever you want, I guess.” She shrugs.

“I’d like to know your thoughts. I know we have an image to maintain. I also know that our society thrives on drama and scandal and I don’t want my misdeeds to cause any harm to your business or your reputation.”

Cora snorts a laugh and looks at me over her shoulder. “If Whit can survive banging the pool boy, I think we’ll be fine.”

“Did she survive that, though?” I ask. Whitney doesn’t give a single fuck about what other people think of her.

Cora does.

Besides, people still whisper and cut their eyes at Whitney, not bothering to shield the fact that they think less of her. I can’t allow Cora to go through that. I’ve already failed Cora in a big way. Now I have to protect her the best I can and hope it isn’t too little too late.

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