Page 51 of Burn It Down

“I know how you feel.” My breathing is ragged and I know I’ve given myself away when Jake asks what I’m doing right this second. “What do you think I’m doing?”

“I think you’re pumping your shaft to the sound of my voice.”

“You win.”

“What’s my prize?” he asks, his voice low and seductive.

“Whatever you want. Just keep talking,” I beg, chasing my orgasm.

“I want you to come to the event with me. I want to see you in a suit and tie and watch everyone’s eyes follow you around the room, knowing I’m going to break every rule I’m supposed to have before the night is over. I want to get on my knees for you again and feel you come undone as you spill down my throat,giving me another piece of you. I want to feel not alone for the first time in my life.”

“Jesus, Jake.”

“Will you do it? Will you come with me? Will you comeforme?”

“I…oh, fuck…fuck…ahh…” My grunts act as my consent as I make a mess of my hand and wrist and slump back against the ceramic tank behind me. “You’re relentless.”

“I can’t help the way you make me feel.”

Starting to clean up, I agree to the event. “Fine. I’ll go. But only if Cora says it’s okay. And Jake?”

“Yeah?”

“We go asfriendsand not the kind who make out. I’m not a friends-with-benefits kind of guy. Especially when it involves a third person who is unaware of what’s going on.” It’s easy to justify what I just did because Jake didn’t actually touch me, nor did he see it, and I’m seriously kidding myself if I think I can stay on the straight and narrow anywhere Jake is concerned, but nonetheless, I have to try.

“I understand. I want you in my life in whatever capacity you’re willing to give me.”

“It isn’t about whatI’mwillingto giveyou. Hell, man, if it wasn’t obvious a second ago, I’ll give itallto you. You’re the one who isn’t free to give yourself tome.”

I’ve played the role of dirty little secret before and I swore to myself — and my family — I wouldn’t do it again. So, no matter how much it pains me, I have to lay down the law with Jake now.

“What if I could give you—” he starts before he’s interrupted by a shrill sound.

WAAA-WAAA-WAAA

“What the fuck is that?” I yell over the blaring alarm slicing through the phone.

“Shit, I gotta roll!” Jake yells back.

Before I can tell him to be careful, the line is silent.

He’s gone.

I fire off a text while an uneasy feeling settles in my gut…again. It seems to do that a lot when Jake is involved.

Dylan 8:06pm

Please let me know when you get back and that you’re safe.

I finish up in the shop, shut everything down, arm the system, and head home. It’s nine-thirty. Dad’s in bed. Cassie’s light is on, but I don’t stop. Instead, I go straight to my shower, placing my phone’s ringer on high and setting it on the counter before I climb in.

I don’t want to be this needy version of myself, but ultimately, when Jake still hasn’t texted or called by midnight, I decidefuck it.It’s who I am.

Dylan 12:05am

I really hate this. My heartrate hasn’t dropped below 160 since we got off the phone.

I feel like I’m running a marathon.

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