Page 49 of Submit

“The only way this is going to belesscomplicated,” he growls, “is if I ship Willem back to Holland in a body bag and get out of Aruba before my parents notify Interpol that I’m here or come to kill me themselves.” Fear pushes my tears to the back of my throat. “If you share my bed then I know you’re safe and I’ll sleep better knowing you’re protected. When the rest of this shit hits the fan, it’s better for everyone if I’m not running on fumes from checking my goddamn phone fifteen times a night making sure no one’s abducted you from the house on top of the hill.”

I don’t remind him that he has an entire security team to handle that because I think it finally clicks. He’s attracted to me which makes me a target, but it makes me an even bigger liability.

Deciding not to push this, I nod my head. “Okay. I’ll stay here.”

“Good. I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Am I allowed to go to the house to see Bea? I could use something to occupy my mind and I’d like to feign normalcy while I still can. Having tea with a friend would be nice.” Almost as an afterthought I add, “I really don’t want to be by myself right now.”

It only takes him a second to debate before saying, “Yes, of course.”

~

“OH, LIBBY, I’M SO GLAD Cas got you out in time,” Bea gushes as she pulls me into a hug. We’re back in the sitting room at the front of the house. The normal noises of the home have resumed and I hear the maid moving about.

“It was close. He knew she was leaving,” Casper says walking in behind me. The tension pouring off of him. “Where’s Richard?”

“The silent room.”That sounds ominous.Casper nods and then heads back out the doorway and turns down the hall. “Tea?” she asks as she turns to me.

“Please. Actually, is tea and bourbon a thing?” I ask, only partially joking. It’s only 10:45 in the morning but it feels like this day has been thirty days rolled into one.

Bea chuckles as she slides the curtain back on the bottom of the drink cart to reveal a decent liquor stash. She pulls out a bottle of bourbon and two small glasses. “Perhaps we’ll save the tea for later.”

Settling in on the couch, I slip off the sandals Cas made me put on in the car after he ripped the soles off and tore the lining out of my tennis shoes, and tuck my legs up under me.

“Bea, can you tell me more about Casper? Will revealed that his real name is Dominic and threatened to tell his parents that he’s here.” Knowing that Beatrice cares for Casper so much, it’s hard to say the next part. “He also told me that Casper was the one who killed his sister.”

She closes her eyes, a look of anguish on her face. “I’m not sure I should say much. This is his story to tell, Libby, and he doesn’t tell it often for a reason.”

“Please,” I plead. “I have to trust him with my life and while I feel like I do, at one time I also felt like I could trust Will and we see how that’s turned out. I thought maybe Casper and I were starting to understand each other but now every time I get close, he pushes me away.

Bea takes a stoic sip of her bourbon, not showing any sign that the amber liquid burns like fire on its way down. I don’t know where she got this but it’s awful. However, it’s better than nothing so I keep my mouth shut and follow her lead with another sip. I watch her as she tries to figure out how much to tell me and where to start.

She’s in another of her signature flowered dresses. She’s tall for a woman. I’m not sure how tall, but she’s definitely closer to Cas’s eye level than mine. Her hair is a beautiful silver and in a braid down her back today. She looks very bohemian and has aged well, however, the faint lines around her eyes tell of decades of worry over her husband.

“Well, Casper shed his name like a snake sheds its skin as soon as he got here so I’m not even sure he would answer to Dominic anymore, even still, I wouldn’t recommend using it. And yes,” she says, closing her eyes, “He was the one who pulled the trigger and killed Adriana, but he didn’t know it was her.” She lowers her voice and looks down into her glass. “They had her head covered and lied about who it was. Cas’s job was to do his parents bidding, not ask questions and the thought that they would allow harm to come to their daughter never crossed his mind. He’s a trained assassin but the man has a strong moral code. It’s not the man hewasthat you need to know. He separated from that past eighteen years ago and he hasn’t looked back. None of us can choose where we start this life. Nor can we choose much in the first fifteen to eighteen years. It’s the man he isnowthat you should focus on and you two seem to be figuring it out just fine.”

Her words shock me into silence. My heart aches so badly for Casper and Adriana that I think I might burst into tears any second. No wonder he left his fucked-up family behind. I’m also surprised to learn that this woman who’s known Casper for almost two decades thinks I have a bead on the man.

“He’s moody and infuriating,” I admit, trying to get my mind off the fact that Cas lives with the guilt of taking his sister’s life, albeit unknowingly and against his will.

At my observation, Bea lets out a loud laugh, startling me so much my bourbon sloshes over the edge of my cup as I jump. Through her laughter she says, “See? Youdoknow him.”

I can’t help but turn the conversation more serious again, needing help sorting through my thoughts and emotions. Bea has become like a mother-figure to me. I’m comfortable around her and value her opinion so I divulge the events of the beach, and the locker room, and in the guest house before coming up here to meet with her and Richard. “It’s like he wants to be with me but he won’t let himself,” I reveal, finally having words for my jumbled thoughts on the subject.

“Casper struggles with guilt over a lot of things. He doesn’t get close because everyone near him is in danger. He’s attracted to you because you are a bright, beautiful ray of sunshine in his dark world and you came to him already in danger so he has an opportunity to be your protector, a role he takesveryseriously.” She shifts on the couch and crosses her legs, fluffing out a wrinkle in her dress before resuming our conversation. “As far as I know, Cas hasn’t allowed himself to enjoy the company of a woman - platonic or otherwise - since he got here, although I confess, he’s a grown man and probably wouldn’t tell me anyway. My point is, Libby, he’s trying. He’s long since buried his desire to find happiness and functions just to survive. You have undoubtedly been a very unexpected surprise. Give him time.”

Her words make sense and my heart breaks even further. “It feels like we’re out of time, Bea.”

“It does no good to dwell on the past or the what-ifs of the future, dear.”Don’t I know it.“You have today. I would suggest trying to be content with that and letting Cas know how you feel.” I slowly spin the glass in my hands, my mind lost in thought, my eyes blank on the floor in front of me. I don’t snap out of it until I sense Bea lean forward in her chair and feel her pat my knee and even still, I’m not fully present but searching through the thoughts in the recesses of my mind. “Howdoyou feel?” she asks tentatively. I know how much she cares for Casper and she probably wants to make sure I don’t break his heart.

After a beat, I bring my gaze up to hers as the truth washes over me like a refreshing Caribbean rain. “Like I trust him. Like I’d follow him anywhere. Like I’d chase him to the pits of hell so I could drag him back out if he needed me to. I feel like we are somehow connected, he and I.” My brows furrow at the intensity of my emotions. It’s deeper than love and more real than infatuation. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone. Like my next breath depends on his safety and the nothingness I’ve felt since I lost my parents has finally taken shape and given me purpose.” I inhale deeply, as the truth continues to pour from my mouth. “When all of this is over, I want to stay with him. In his presence is the only time I feel like myself. The me I was meant to be before my world changed and I was left alone. It’s been like that since I first met him. When I’m not with him I wonder where he is, who he’s with, what he’s doing and I never truly rest unless he’s near me.”

I hear a low growl behind me and whip my head around to see Cas leaning in the doorway, arms folded across his chest. My eyes go wide with mortification. I mean, I was going to tell him all of that in case I died sometime soon, but I hadn’t really planned on telling him like, rightnow.

I turn back to look at Bea who is sitting back in her chair, fingers steepled, with a satisfied grin on her face. “You knew he was back there?” I ask.

“He needed to hear it,” she says unapologetically as she shrugs nonchalantly.

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