Page 17 of Submit

“I don’t,” is the only answer I get before he’s taken over the job of laying out the kite and moving on to untangle the lines.

“Oh, right. Johanna said you head up the governor’s private security detail,” I say it as a lead-in. An easy way for him to expand without oversharing. He doesn’t take the bait.

“Johanna should stay out of other people’s business,” he grunts but he doesn’t sound angry.

“I like your car.” I’m sure he knows I’m fishing for information but we have three hours and damn it, I’m going to learn something.

“It’s necessary.”

“Your car? I’m not sure what that means.”

“You’re not supposed to. Your lines are clear. Take the board in the water.”

Okkaaaayy. Good talk.

Despite the fact that he doesn’t seem interested in the get-to-know-you game, I feel lighter around him like it’s slightly easier to draw a breath in his company. The questions of where he is, who he’s with, what he’s doing, all answered during these lessons and my nosy mind gets a small break. I hadn’t noticed how much of my brain space he was occupying until now. He makes me feel everything in the span of seconds: hunger, happiness, frustration, loss, gain, freedom, captivity. He gives nothing away and the most crushing feeling of all is that I’m losing my goddamn mind over a man who is so closed off and uninterested…and then I remember that it doesn’t matter what Casper thinks because I’m bloody engaged. A fact that only serves to increase my resentment.

For the next hour, Casper is all business but damn he’s an excellent instructor. I can feel the difference in my board control almost immediately after he tells me I need to lean on my back leg more and keep more tension in my arms. My last run before the break is my best yet and I’m ecstatic when I come out of the lagoon.

“Holy shit! Did you see that? That was awesome! I felt like I could go forever. Like I was one with the water and the wind,” I exclaim dramatically as we walk to the picnic table up the beach, my arms flailing as I mimic flying.

It’s then that Casper gives me a genuine smile that really brightens his face, erasing years around his eyes. “You looked good out there. Definitely better without the helmet and goggles.”

“Ohmigod, did you just make a joke?” I beam as I tease him, the banter feeling almost like a normal interaction.

He snorts a laugh as we walk up the beach to the same picnic tables I sat at when I met Johanna. “I guess. Don’t tell anyone though.” When he winks at me with a grin still on his face, I swear see angels.

Trying to keep the conversation going while also trying very hard to keep my shit together, I ask, “I understand why you board, but why do you teach? You don’t seem to like people very much.” I wolf down my oranges ravenously and avoid eye contact hoping that he’ll answer if the situation is less intense.

“It’s complicated.”

“So are you,” I admit as I roll my eyes, still riding the high from my last run and feeling overly confident.

“No, I’m just an asshole. Nothing complicated about that.” Something flickers across his face but it’s gone before I can name it.

I arch an eyebrow at him trying to give him a look of disbelief. “I don’t think that’s true.”

“That’s because you don’t know me.” The honesty behind his admission shocks me.

“That’s because you won’t let me.” My voice is too breathy and I know I’m back to staring but damn it, something about this man - besides his looks - has me feeling things I’ve never felt and although I should shut this down, I don’t.

Or I won’t.

Or I can’t.

I’m not sure which it is.

“How old are you?” I ask, switching gears to a question that will still help me gain information without being so private.

“Are you always this nosy?” He stares straight out at the water in front of us.

“Only when I want answers.” I grin, knowing he isn’t looking at me.

Realizing that I may never stop until he gives mesomething, he sighs and decides to answer me.

“Thirty-eight.”

The number catches me off guard because I expected it to be lower. Maybe not much, but notalmost forty.He must see my surprise in my face because he throws my own question back at me. “How old areyou?”

---