Page 15 of Submit

“Yes! You can speak to your fiancé for us! You can convince him that we don’t want this and explain why. Most of us will never be able to get close enough to actually make our case. Sure, they hold meetings for the locals to voice their opinions, but we know they mean nothing. The company doesn’t have a personal tie to any of us. They listen to us only out of obligation. We organize the protests so that the governor knows how we feel and hopefully acts on our behalf, but the fact that he already let the company move here isn’t a good sign.”

“Oh, guys, I don’t think I can do that.”

As best as I can, I launch into the story of Will and I’s relationship. I divulge how hard he’s worked to get here and how hard he’sbeenworking since we got here. At some point the conversation goes totally off the rails and before I know it, we’ve ordered a pitcher of mimosas and I’m confiding in my new friend group about how lonely I am and how I moved here to follow his dreams and was hoping for a fresh start. I confessmydreams of working in marketing for small business owners and how I feel like I’ve lost my way. I even go so far as to say we’ve had sex once in the last six months and I’m pretty sure I’m going to end up in a boring marriage with only my vibrator as a partner.

“I guess that explains why Cas caught your eye,” Johanna says, patting me on the arm.

“Well, sure,” Elke starts, “but let’s be real, even if her relationship wasn’t in the shitter, Cas would probably still have caught her eye. The man catches everyone’s eye.”

I let out a sound that’s somewhere between a groan and a sad chuckle when Alida pipes up and says, “Hell, I like women and Cas even makesmewarm.” This turns my chuckle into full-blown laughter.

“Great, so what I’m learning is that my current relationship is doomed and the first guy to draw my attention in years is the most desired and untouchable bastard on the island. God, I’m going to need another round of mimosas.”

An hour later, I’m wiping tears off my eyes - caused by sadness, frustration, guilt, and laughter - as Johanna, Alida, and Elke all gather around me to give me hugs.

“Oh my God, guys, I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to hijack breakfast with all my problems!” I choke out a laugh still slightly mortified that I was so honest with them about such personal topics. I have the four thousand mimosas to thank for that, I’m sure.

“It sounds like you needed it,” Alida says as she pats my forearm on the table.

“I’m really sorry about the wind farm project. I’ll try to find a way to tell Will your concerns and see if there is anything that can be done.” The part I don’t say isbut please don’t hate me when he doesn’t change his course at all.

The girls mercifully change the subject to kite surfing after that before we start to wrap up at one. Will has already texted me to tell me he’s gone into the office so I have two hours of alone time until I need to be at class.

Seven

THE WEEK FLIES BY. I meet the girls at the gym again on Wednesday and Friday mornings - with no sign of Casper, much to my dismay, - falling into a routine of gym in the morning, those of us who can go to breakfast, do, and then my Dutch language class in the afternoons. Tuesdays and Thursdays are pretty boring though so I put in an application to volunteer at the Cultural Arts Center. It’s a theater, dance studio, and museum of sorts all combined. I thought it would be a great way to learn more about the island and the people who live here while also partaking in the arts myself. At five years old, my parents enrolled me in dance classes and I’ve loved to move ever since. Surprisingly, I even enjoyed the recitals and the adrenaline rush I got from being on stage. As an introvert, my favorite company to keep is my own, but dancing always felt like a love song to myself… even if everyone else was watching.

I also picked this spot because I’m hoping to meet some of the local artists. It could be a great way to get my foot in the door if anyone is interested in increasing marketing for both the center and the individual artists.

Will’s moods continue to wax and wane, like all of ours, but on a grander scale. His highs seem almost manic these days and his lows feel like full-fledged depression. At dinner Friday night, I try to get him to open up to me and tell me about what’s been going on at work.

“You wouldn’t understand,” he snaps.

Unable to hide my irritation I respond, “Ididgraduate from Stanford with honors, you know. Why don’t you try me and see if I can keep up?” He doesn’t like that answer much and goes into total dick mode about how I wouldn’t understand because although I have the fancy degree, I have no real-world experience. To which I say nothing - including that my real-world knowledge base is limited because of Will’s encouragement that I hold out for the right job - but calmly get up from the table and leave him to finish dinner alone. I slip out the sliding glass doors and watch the sunset on the porch in a wasted backless dress and a full face of makeup he didn’t bother to notice.

As I watch the sun dive into a cloud bank, my mind drifts to Casper and his mysterious life. I wonder where he lives.

What he’s doing right now.

Who he’s doing it with.

If he’s happy.

And I envy him for being self-sufficient and in control of his own life.

I hear the glass door slide ten minutes after the sun sets. Will’s come out to grovel and ask for forgiveness for his harsh tone. So tired of hearing him apologize I give him an ultimatum. “Will, I love you but I don’t love who this job is forcing you to become. You’re drinking too much. You have almost cultish meetings after hours with your boss and ‘teammates’. We’ve spent hardly any time together and when we do, you’re never honest with me. When was the last time we talked about anything important?” I can see his argument before it comes out of his mouth. “Besideswork.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Lib. I’m trying.”

“I want you to stop drinking so much. I want you to take more time for us. For yourself.” And I figure, what the hell, I’m on a roll and already staring down the barrel of a hefty argument anyway. “And I want you to consider the concerns of the people of this island and weigh them against the dollar signs being flashed in front of you.”

“The concerns of the people? What are you talking about? Iknowthe concerns of the people. I listened to every goddamn one of them the day I started working here. Forhours,I listened to them. They don’t want to ruin their precious view.”

His harsh words raise my hackles in defense of my new friends. “It’s not just about the view.” I cover Elke’s points as best as I remember them but I already know it’s a lost cause.

Will turns away from me. “It doesn’t matter. I’m already committed to seeing this through. I was going to tell you that I was bonused a quarter of a million dollars today for getting the proposal back on the governor’s desk already. So much for celebrating.” He heads inside and slams the sliding door.

When will he realize it was never about the money for me?

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