Page 44 of Submit

“Issues?” He pauses, waiting for clarification. When I don’t answer him, he continues, his tone colder than the arctic. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with the security guard who clearly wants to fuck you, does it?” I feel the color drain from my face, my head swimming. When it takes me too long to respond, a sneer creeps into Will’s features. “You think I missed the way his eyes followed you at dinner that night? The way he looked at you when we got in the car? I may be focused on work, Elizabeth, but I’m always aware of my surroundings and the people in them. It isn’t lost on me that you spent the evening at that man’s place of employment.”

Okay, so maybe I never gave Will enough credit for how much he actuallydoespay attention. It appears he’s able to multitask even if ninety-eight percent of his brain space is taken up by this wind farm.

It’s time to sell this like my life depends on it, because it quite literally might. I take a deep breath and blow out a sigh as if I’m bored with this conversation.

“Will, I have no idea what you’re talking about. You may have been focusing on some security guard, but I was focusing on you and the other guests that night at dinner. Besides, I would think it would please you to know that you have what other people want. You didn’t exactly buy me that dress to hide me away, did you? Marcel certainly seemed to enjoy it but I notice that you didn’t come to my aid when he was practically drooling on my chest.” I take a second to assess his reaction to my monologue and his temper seems to be abating just a fraction so I keep going. “I made connections with the governor’s wife to work on a project that would give me experience and help fill my time here and to potentially help open a door for you. The only members of their security team I saw today were the ones that waved me through the gate.”

Kind of true. Cas was technically off-duty while I was there.

Semantics.

I’ve fully entered the gray area.

Standing away from him, hands on hips, I’m hoping like hell that he can’t detect my fear…or my lies.

He narrows his eyes at me slightly and for a quick second, I can imagine him as a ruthless killer behind his golden-boy façade. I swallow and realize I pushed too hard. Hoping I don’t puke on him, I try to backtrack.

“Will, I’m sorry. You’re right, my stomach is upset,”not a lie this time,“but let’s start the movie and I’ll have some tea. Maybe that will settle things and we can try your way of connecting.” I make the offer but I hear how sterile and uninterested I sound.

“The moment’s passed, Elizabeth. I’ll be in the office. I need to make a few calls anyway.”

I could absolutely kick myself. There are no words to describe my mental state. Full of fear and disgust, I can’t fathom being intimate with Will ever again. One might think that because my life may be on the line, I would have sucked it up and tried harder, however an angry combination of fear, resentment, and stubbornness is guiding my decision-making. I think back over the last two years. The pearls Will bought me, the aprons, the expectations, the lifestyle. All of it was his dream, his idea.

I was so taken in that I lost myself quickly. Gone was my father’s stubborn daughter who refused to get out of the water until I got the hang of the wakeboard. Gone was my mother’s sassy daughter who loved the spotlight and to put on dances around the house in any costume I could find. I’d been coerced into the worst version of myself by a man who never took the time to get to know the me I once was and capitalized on the broken version of myself I didn’t even know I’d become after leaving the orphanage.

I sit for a minute and let memories of my parents wash over me, wishing they were here now. I try like hell to remember the girl I was and I allow myself to close my eyes and watch my life like a movie, trying to find the moment I lost her.

Being around Casper, I feel more like myself than I have in fifteen years. My anger, joy, sarcasm, athleticism, stubbornness, and spontaneity have all made an appearance around Cas in such a short period time and more importantly, I felt no need to apologize for any of it.

Somewhere deep inside, I feel my true self calling to the woman I’ve become and I hear her telling me to be brave, get out, and reclaim my life for my own.

I tiptoe to the kitchen to grab a spare knife and slip it in my nightstand before Will comes out of his office. Who knows what the night will hold, but I’ll be ready for it.

Sixteen

I DON’T SLEEP AT ALL. Not one second. Will never comes to bed and somewhere around 1:30 I think about getting out of bed and trying to find him but what would I say? What’s the point of making up now?

I strain my ears to hear any sounds but I hear nothing and assume Will has fallen asleep on the couch in his office.

When the sun starts to peek over the horizon and light my room, I’m grateful that I can finally get out of bed. It’s hard not to rush around and start packing, but I force myself to slow down, get dressed for the gym and go in search of coffee.

Just a normal Friday morning.

The house is silent. It’s possible that Will has left already but I would have heard the door.

I fill my mug and head out to the porch per my usual routine. My laptop is on the lounge chair where I normally sit.

That’s weird.I know I didn’t leave it outside.

I open it up and there’s a note lying across the keyboard in Will’s handwriting.

You really should delete your search history.

Tell Dominic Hielo I said hello.

All the breath leaves my lungs. What have I done? I don’t know how long I sit there, unmoving, unblinking.

“Dominic,”I whisper, trying out his name on my tongue.

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