Page 32 of Submit

It feels like an eternity before I find my voice. The only thing I can do is focus on my breathing. As long as I keep inhaling and exhaling, I can make it through this. “Casper, what do I do?” I whisper.

He removes his hand from my skin. The loss causing me to forcibly exhale. “Do you love him?” he asks.

“No. I think maybe I haven’t for a while.” But Iespecially don’tafter this. Not after discovering he’s lied to me all this time. “But I don’t want anything bad to happen to him either.” I think he’s still a good person, just misguided in following his family’s footsteps.

A small voice in the back of my head speaks up.You don’t even know Casper’s first name. And you nowknow he is part of one of the most dangerous families on the planet. What ifhe’sthe one lying to you?

My brain has a point, but I only think about it for a moment as I realize, I’m completely willing to take Casper’s word about Will lying to me over the possibility that Casper, himself, could be lying to me. That fact alone sheds some pretty harsh light on my current relationship.

“You need to get out.” He states it so matter of factly.

My breathing slows as rationality returns to me and I try to explain. “It’s not that easy. I sold all my stuff to come down here and this was supposed to be a lot easier, and more long term, than it’s proving to be. I certainly wasnotsupposed to get mixed up in international energy wars involving greedy, money-hungry crime bosses. Not to mention, someone at Will’s company still has my passport so it’s not like I can just book a flight home.”

My calm demeanor seems to confuse Casper who looks at me like he’s waiting for me to shriek, flap my arms, or start screaming like a lunatic. “What?” I ask as he cocks his head to the side like he’s studying me.

“Why aren’t you freaking out?”

“I am freaking out.”

“Thisis you freaking out?” He raises a hand and indicates where I’m now laying calmly, propped up on my elbows since he let my arms go. I may have initially reacted to this news with wide eyes, blatant fear, and a rapid heartbeat, but I’ve gotten over the initial shock and now I need a plan. A narrative I get to control – especially considering this ismylife and I’ve already given up too much control to Willem.

“Well, yeah. I’m thinking about what the hell I’m going to do.”

He cocks a side grin so delicious I could lick it right off his damn face as he narrows his eyes. “I think I like you.”

“Better watch what you say, it looks like I’m in the market for a new lover,” I tease. His face freezes, capturing his priceless expression. My head falls back and I laugh a belly laugh not even caring that I’m never going to be able to get this sand out of my hair. When my laughter dies, I keep my head in the sand and open my eyes.

Casper is no more than an inch from my face brushing a stray strand of hair off my cheek. “Fuck, I shouldn’t want you. You should tell me no.” His meaning is clear as he stares at my lips.

“Not gonna happen.” The naked truth is evident in my voice. I have no intention of telling him to stop. Every fantasy I’ve ever tried to shut down is playing in my mind right now with him this close. He smells like coconuts, the salty air, and gun powder and God, is it intoxicating.

“Tell meno, Libby,” he repeats forcefully while leaning closer and Satan himself couldn’t rip the word from my mouth. Before either of us can overthink it, I lean up bringing my lips to his, making the choice for him. “Fuck,” he says against my mouth as he sits up on his knees and rocks back on his heels, pulling me up to straddle his lap. He’s devouring me like I’m his first meal in decades and I’m clinging to him like he’s my life raft in the storm. His mouth leaves mine and I feel him lick kisses along my neck, collarbone, and shoulder, tasting my skin while his large hands stay splayed across my back pulling me closer.

To my disappointment, he makes no move to untie my bathing suit top or remove his own swim trunks and I feel like I’m burning from the inside out.

He pulls his face away from mine and searches my eyes, the anguish in his own as clear as the Caribbean water around us. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Good thing you didn’t then. I’ll take the credit for that move, thank you.” I don’t want his guilt to ruin this when he just gave me exactly what I’ve been craving since laying eyes on him.

Brushing my hair off my forehead while my legs are still astride his massive thighs, he says, “You already have a target on your back. Getting involved with me will only make it bigger.”

If I didn’t know any better, I’d say there was a hint of fear in his eyes and his voice but I’m not sure if he’s afraid I’ll agree and end this…or if I won’t.

“Like you said, you’re in security. It’s your job to know everything…and carry a gun. If I’m truly in danger already, who do you think could protect me better than you?” I wrap my arms around his neck and lean forward to brush my tongue across his lips. They part easily for me and his hands tighten around my waist. I feel him getting hard beneath me.

“When was the last time you were with someone?” The question pops out before I have a chance to think about it.

He looks pained like he’s remembering something. Orsomeone.“Eighteen years ago.”

My eyes go wide.

“You went all of your twenties and thirties with no sex?”NowI’m shrieking. I realize a little too late that maybe my reaction isn’t the best but Iseethe man in front of me. Hell, Ifeelthe man in front of me, there’s no way women weren’t willing.Aren’twilling.

“I was in a pretty bad place when I lost Adriana. Revenge was the only companion I sought. When I came to Aruba, I had nothing and I was constantly looking over my shoulder to see if my parents had figured out where I’d gone. Sex was the last thing on my mind.” Casper is extremely good at eye contact. Where most people would shy away from it during a conversation like this, Cas’ eyes hold on to mine, silently daring me to break the connection.

I don’t.

Now that he’s let me in, I want to see everything. I bring my hands around to his chest and lay them flat over the glorious pecs I’ve admired for the last few weeks and feel his heartbeat, strong and steady.

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