Page 21 of Submit

I almost roll my eyes at my inner conversation but I catch myself in time to realize Will has disappeared into the hall.

When he comes back, he’s holding a garment bag. “I bought something special for the occasion. I hope you like it. It should fit because I took in another one of your dresses for them to use for sizing,” he says and I can tell he’s proud and the look of hope on his face reaches my heart. It’s a shame people aren’t all light or all dark. It would be much easier to love and hate. As it is, they aren’t and it’s not in my nature to hurt others or be purposely deceitful. Guilt settles in my stomach like a ball of lead.

It’s an odd state we’re in. I should probably rush to him and fling my arms around his neck but I’m so conflicted. However, I don’t want to seem ungrateful either so I place a hand on his shoulder and a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you. Should I go try it on?”

His eyes light up. “Yes, please.” If he senses my hesitancy, he doesn’t show it.

I take the garment bag and head down the hallway feeling an elephant sitting on my chest.If we have dinner at the governor’s house, there’s a chance Casper will be there working.My next thought isGod, I hope this dress doesn’t suck.

Conflicted whorebag, right?

I’m pleasantly surprised when I unzip the bag to find a midnight blue, knee-length dress. The material is light and breathable but not quite cotton. When I slide it on, it feels almost creamy against my skin and it hugs me in all the right places. The top is a halter-style that dips low in the front as well as the back and the skirt has a slit that runs high on my thigh. There is a small belt of little seashells sewn into the fabric at my waist. I’ve never seen anything like it.

When I come out of the bedroom and back into the kitchen to a waiting Will, his eyes widen, telling me this dress looks as good as I think it does.

“Wow.”

I give him an embarrassed smile. He hasn’t looked at me like this in quite a while.

“Pretty good, huh?” I twirl for him.

“Better than. The saleslady said it’s made out of bamboo. ‘Breathable and sustainably sourced’.” He uses air quotes to mock the saleslady’s pitch.

“I love it, Will. Thank you.”

He grabs me by the waist and pulls me to him. I can’t help but notice the definite lack of butterflies but I also smile at the comfort and familiarity. If Will were like this every day - even just once every day - I think I’d be okay, but this is the first time he has looked at me with affection and appreciation in his eyes in a long while. It doesn’t escape my notice that all of our moments like this fall after a particularly good day at work. There’s a high chance if I stayed, our relationship would always mimic his job.

My face falls as I realize I can’t compete with the rush he gets from chasing a deal or a dollar. “Dinner should be ready soon. Let me change so I don’t ruin this beautiful dress and then we’ll eat. What night is the dinner with the governor?”

“Tuesday. Six o’clock, but we need to leave by five-fifteen, they live way north.”

I nod my head in acknowledgement. I start training at the center on Tuesday but it’s in the morning so I don’t see any conflict. “Sounds good.”

Later than night, I check in with Johanna and the girls asking if they are going to the gym on Monday. They all reply with a “yes” and then Johanna texts me outside the group stream.

Johanna: I hear you and Casper have a thing!

Libby: What?! We definitely do not have a thing. Dude can’t stand me.

Johanna: That’s not what Jörn said.

Libby: Jörn talks too much.

I laugh remembering Casper’s words as he strode in through the back door.

Johanna: I have to agree with Jörn. Cas NEVER acts like this.

Libby: Acts like what? He’s giving me lessons that I pay for.

Johanna: Telling Jörn you’re not allowed to be scheduled with anyone but him…that’s a big deal.

Libby: I think everyone’s overthinking it.

Johanna: You don’t know Cas.

Libby: Does anyone?

Johanna: LOL, true. See you Monday. Maybe Lover Boy will be there ;)

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