Page 1 of Submit

One

I FAKED AN ORGASM last night for the first time in my life.

It made me feel like a dirty liar but it had to be done. Willem seemed hellbent on seeing it through to the end and honestly, I was just ready for him to get off of me.

Never once in my twenty-five years did I think I would end up in a relationship of convenience.

However, if I’m honest with myself, relational stagnation, the dreadedcomfort zone, is exactly where I am. Two and a half years in to a convenient relationship that has had its good moments and never any trulybadmoments. It reeks of stability and social elitism.

What my hard-working, high-earning boyfriend lacks in spontaneity and adventure, he makes up for by being an overly responsible adult - something I’ve struggled with ever since I became one.

Will was persistent in his attempts to make me fall in love with him, despite the fact that I’ve been alone my entire life and saw no reason to change that. Flirtatious, caring, passionate, always saying the right thing and doing the right thing, he was easy to fall for.

But once he had me, he stopped trying as much. Only giving any real effort when I tried to bring up the possibility of going our separate ways. I thrive on alone time and the thought brought me some minor relief, but Will was adamant that us separating was not the answer.

Tending to shy away from conflict, I have a bad habit of always giving in. So, here we are…still together…and now, I’m faking more than just my happiness.

YESTERDAY

“LIB? I’M HOME,” I hear Will call from the garage door that leads into our brick, two-story townhouse. His Dutch accent never gets old even if our routine has. Willem is from a small town called Callantsoog on the northwest coast of Holland. He stands at 6’1” on a lean frame that desperately wants to be in shape but is prohibited from doing so by the number of “dinner engagements” he has to attend which usually include large amounts of alcohol. His deep blue eyes, white-blond hair, and fair skin leave no question about his heritage and overall, he’s a very attractive man.

People often stare when we’re out together because we are a perfect contrast to each other. My black hair and dark eyebrows against my naturally tan skin often make me think my ancestors hailed from the Middle East, or perhaps Spain. I remind myself of a caramel macchiato with a black lid. My eyes are an ice blue though and throw most of my theories off.

I was blessed with a petite nose and reasonably full lips which were often commented on by my mother. She’d always lovingly say things like, “Well, you didn’t get those features from me but God bless the relative who gave them to you, baby girl.”

Seeing as my parents died in a car accident when I was nine, I never really got the chance to ask about my heritage. At that age, all I knew or cared about was that I resembled my father and looked nothing like my mother but still wanted to be just like her when I grew up.

The pain from losing them so young still clings to me like a static from a winter sweater even though it’s summer and the sweater has long since been removed.

“In here, Will!” I chirp from the kitchen. Turning the corner into the room, his skin looks devoid of even more color since just this morning and his cheekbones are more prominent than I remember. He comes home stressed to the max these days and I’ve discovered the hard way that even the smallest things seem to frustrate him.

Has it always been an issue when I put bowls in the top rack of the dishwasher?

I’m not walking on eggshells by any means, but I certainly try to be a little more upbeat when I can in an effort to improve his mood as well as my own. It’s exhausting and one of the many reasons I feel the chasm between us growing wider.

“Heyliefje.” Will uses a Dutch term of endearment meaningLittle Dearthat I have grown to love despite the fact that I’m not a big fan of pet names. He wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me to him with a chaste kiss to my cheek, like he’s checking off a box on a to-do list.

“Hey, yourself.” I smile at him before returning a kiss on his soft lips while standing on my tiptoes. Six-foot one is a long way up on a five-five frame. “Dinner will be ready in about twenty-five minutes.”

“Great. I’m starving.” His eyes soften as he continues, his voice gaining excitement as he speaks. “My boss called me into his office today to discuss something big. Let me grab a shower and I’ll tell you about it over dinner.” Based on the grin that is now splitting his face in half, it’s got to be something good.

Thank God. We could use some good news.

~

TWENTY MINUTES LATER, Willem is showered, his wet hair falling across one eye. He’s in khakis and a button down because the man struggles with casual but pulls his look off well.

Heading straight for the wine rack, he pulls off one of our most expensive bottles and pours two glasses as I arch an eyebrow at him in question. Will doesn’t pour the expensive stuff often and since I’m currently not working, I never go for it because I can’t pay to replace it, despite thewhat’s mine is yoursphilosophy.

I take the glass he offers as he grabs my free hand in his and I notice that it’s shaking slightly.I’ve never known Willem to be affected by nerves.

The intense look in his eyes makes me take a large gulp of my wine before hearing his news and my stomach slowly starts tying itself in knots as he looks me over from head to toe.

I currently look reminiscent of a nineteen-fifties housewife in my apron and pearls. Although not a look I would choose for myself, Will has a certain expectation that I’ve come to accept and try to meet. Leggings and a simple silver necklace, with my hair in a messy bun, are more my speed, but with his stress levels through the roof, I find myself submitting to his wishes more and more.

Realizing that his news is serious, I remove the apron, and sit down at the table, my hand still in his.

“Libby…Elizabeth,” he starts as my heart hammers in my chest. “I’ve been busting my ass for eight years for this company with the promise that something big would come my way and today I think it finally has.” I give his hand a squeeze in support. I’m excited for him and also proud despite the queasy feeling settling over me. He really has given this job his everything. “You’ve been with me for a lot of this journey and I can’t imagine anyone else by my side for the next phase.”

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