Page 27 of Reign

I almost feel like a normal woman with a normal friend and a normal boyfriend, just enjoying a day on the beach. It’s one of the first times I’ve been around Camila that my most prominent emotion isn’tstabby.

Beside me, she’s lying on her back staring up at the sky, her light brown hair in a messy ponytail lying over her shoulder. I guess when you’ve lived next to the ocean your whole life, maybe you’d rather watch something else?

That’s hard for me to imagine.

She’s in a classy red tankini. I can’t for the life of me figure out why her bathing suit has so much fabric. I thought for sure she’d be topless in a heartbeat, but instead, she went the complete opposite direction. Nonetheless, it suits her.

Cas is in the water right in front of us. When I woke up this morning – still in the guest room - I realized I’m losing the energy to be mad at him as well. I haven’t jumped back in his arms, but his constant presence dulls the fire of my anger slightly. Especially when he’s shirtless and his swim trunks are low, and he pleads for my forgiveness with his eyes every time he looks at me. I think perhaps Idoforgive him but now it’s a matter of giving myself a chance to settle into the woman I want to be before jumping right in to another relationship. Even if I love the version of myself that Cas brings out in me. He makes me feel like I’m invincible.

I’m lost in these thoughts as the small waves roll in one after another, never ceasing when Camila yells, “Oh my god, that cloud looks like a giant dick!”

“What?” I shriek because she scared me and I also break into a fit of giggles. She pulls me by the shoulders to lay next to her so I can stare up at the clouds like she’s doing.

“Look! Right there!” She points vaguely in the air and I see ambiguous, white puffs float by, not a single one of them resembling a dick.

“Camila, I think you need to get laid.”

She sits up and grabs her glass of sangria. “Never have truer words been spoken.”

We clink our glasses and take matching sips. I see Cas give us a look from out in the water. I can only imagine what he’d say if he heard our conversation. When I look at Camila, she’s looking wistfully at Cas’s torso and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what she’s thinking.

Maybe it’s the alcohol. Maybe it’s the sea. Maybe it’s the fact that we’re stuck together for the foreseeable future. But I nudge Camila’s shoulder with my own, deciding it’s time to let this go.

“You know, when I met Cas, he was so closed off that I couldn’t imagine the life he led prior to the kite school. It was like he was born as an adult on the island. No connections. No history. Just Casper.”

“Casper?” she questions while still watching him bounce gently over the waves.

“Yeah, it’s what he went by because no one could know his real name. Some people shortened it to –”

“Cas,” she finishes for me quietly, realizing the significance of his new name here. When she speaks again, it sounds like someone punched all the breath out of her. “I never stopped missing him,” she confesses to me. “Never stopped loving him. In our world, there was so little good that was easy to get sucked into the greed, lust, and power that tempts you around every corner.” Her eyes are misty but she’s blinking rapidly to prevent any tears from falling as she looks down in her plastic wine glass of red liquid and floating fruit. “When he showed back up with you, I was so angry. I never thought he would abandon me for another woman.”

Her confession evokes strong feelings in me and I continue to see her in a different, less-harsh light. I’m thankful I can find words during such a vulnerable moment.

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think that was his intention. In fact, he was a gigantic ass to me every time we interacted.”

I see her try to fight it, but the corner of her mouth lifts anyway and she turns to look at me. “I’m sorry for doing what we did. I would have done anything to get him back. Hell, I tried. But he told me no. I could see how guilty he felt after just the blow job,” I wince at her words, my gut clenching, I shift my gaze to Cas in the sea, “and that hurt worse than anything. I couldn’t handle being something Dominic regretted. And I was. Because of you.” I stay quiet because I’m not sure what to say. I don’t want to lie and say I’m sorry, because I’m not. After a couple of beats, she fills the silence. “I know we hurt you but you have to stop punishing him.”

My eyes snap to back to hers. “I would have thought you would have enjoyed the rift between us.”

She gives me an apologetic smile. “I mostly did. Hell, I even tried to use it to my advantage. But Cas wouldn’t even let me get close.” Her admission heats my skin and I feel the anger start to gain momentum like a tsunami racing toward shore, until she continues. “Now, I’m trying to let him go and I think it would be easier if I knew he was happy. You don’t know how lucky you are to be the one he wants and I can’t stand watching you punish him because I’d give anything for him to look at me that way.”

I flip over on to my stomach and cross my arms above my head, resting my cheek on my elbow.

“I’m not trying to punish him…not anymore at least. I just haven’t had a chance to sort through everything, and when I commit to him this time, I want to know that it’s with eyes wide open. It’s hard to give him all of me when I don’t evenknowall of me.”

“Heknows all of you. Trust him.”

I stare at her with wide eyes as she refills my glass from the container in the cooler, causing me to sit back up. Cas starts walking up the beach and both Camila and I still our movements.

“Christ, that sight never gets old,” she says.

“You’re not wrong,” I mutter. “And thanks.”

Cas arrives at the edge of our towels and points a finger at my glass. “Can I have one of those?”

“Here.” I hold my glass out to him. “I just realized I left my phone inside and I want to make sure I didn’t miss a text from Joelle.” I stand up and offer him my towel next to Camila. Perhaps, we can learn to navigate this triangle after all.

Cas tries to stand to follow me in the house but I push on his chest to stop him.

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