Finn ran a hand through his hair, making it stand on end. “I was selfish by demanding you pretend to be my mate. I was so wrapped up in my anger toward Seth I didn’t stop to think. I shouldn’t have challenged him. I shouldn’t have put you in the position to play this role. It’s all been extremely selfish of me.”
Elin bit back a sigh. This was what she’d been expecting. It was a pattern she’d started to see. It was one step forward, and then all the walls came back up.
“It’s unfair to you to be trapped here. I know you joined this mission to get away from me. And instead, you’re here, not only forced to interact with me but forced to pretend to be my mate.”
We are mates. Even if it’s just an arranged mating. We had the ceremony. We’re mates.Could she say it without her voice shaking? He’d take it as his fault if there were any signs of distress from her. She wished she could tell him not to take her emotions so personally…
“That’s not to say you aren’t handling it well,” Finn babbled. “I promise you’ll be free soon.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” Elin mumbled.
“I do. I forced you into this situation.”
Elin shook her head, turning back to her cooking. “I’m the one that insisted we have the ceremony, remember? And believe me when I say I’m more than happy to engage in the mating part of being mates.”
Finn sighed. “You know what I mean.”
She did. Elin repressed a sigh. Best to just let it slide. With her emotions still bubbling up, she couldn’t express herself properly, anyway… but then, was this the best time to do this? The image of Mica and Hayden flashed through her mind, followed swiftly by Tess and Ryder.
Both Mica and Tess had been rejected by their mates. Yes, the circumstances had been different. They’d been rejected as teenagers, not just a few weeks ago. Neither Hayden nor Ryder had been insistent that they would never have a mate because ofthe potential danger it posed. So Elin couldn’t expect the same results. But Mica and Tess only got their happy endings because they were honest with their mates.
“I’m sorry,” Finn said again. “I’ll leave you to—”
“Wait.” Elin turned the burners down low, not looking at him. “Just wait.”
He did, and the silence ticked by.
What should she say? Blurting out her feelings wasn’t going to help. No, it would make him feel more guilty. So what…? Finally, she sighed. “It’s difficult for me to express myself the way I want to. It’s easy to be misunderstood. I’m just trying to figure out how to say what I want to say.”
“Okay?” Finn said, sounding slightly nervous.
Elin turned back to him. “Why did you pick me? If all you needed was a pretend mate, why not Christine?”
Finn wrinkled his nose. “That’s essentially asking why I didn’t ask my sister to pretend to be my mate.”
Okay, that was fair enough. “But if another woman had been present, would you have asked her?”
“I think I understand. I’m sending you mixed signals. I’m saying we can’t be mates, that we can’t even fuck, and just an hour later we’re fucking.” Finn shook his head, self-disgust clear on his face. “I won’t keep doing that. No more sex.”
Elin threw her hands into the air. “That’s not what I meant at all!”
“I…” Finn sucked in a deep breath. “All right. So what do you mean?”
“I mean that you care about me. I know you do. Otherwise, you wouldn’t apologize for what you think you’vedone,” she said, speaking rapidly. “You care about me. You care about Christine and Derek, and you even care about this pack!”
Finn’s eyebrows shot upward, disappearing under the hair flopped over his forehead. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Because you’re apologizing to me for using me for sex. Which is not what happened,” she said, marching over to him. “We are mates. This isn’t pretend. Maybe it’s not what you wanted, and it sure as hell isn’t how I wanted to become your mate, but we are mates. This is real. Even if you plan to break the mating afterward. I love it when we have sex. I won’t accept a sexless mating. So if you’re saying that we can’t have sex again, then we are going to break this mating right now.”
“You want to break the mating?” Alarm flashed over his face.
Elin shook her head, huffing. “No. What I’m saying is that I want to keep having sex, Finn. Regardless of the circumstances. Regardless of what’s going to happen next. If you need sex to relax you, or to distract you, or anything else. I’m here. I want you to come to me. If you’re using me for sex, then I’m using you for sex, and we can at least agree that we enjoy it. Right?”
Finn studied her, his eyebrows slowly lowering. “You mean that, don’t you?”
Elin nodded, holding her breath.
A slow smile crept over his face. “Well. I didn’t want to stop fucking, either.”