Page 44 of Silent Desires

I don’t respond, but knowing I’m going to the bathroom right now, and not the bedroom, does help my breathing ease up a fraction. When we reach the top of the stairs, I see four doors, and he leads me into the last one, which is a large bathroom.

“Take your clothes off,” he instructs.

I look at him with wide eyes and wrap my arms around my chest in self preservation.

He glares at me, and I see his fists clench at his sides. “What did I say about doing as you’re told?”

My body shakes, unsure what to do. He’s mybrother,this is wrong.

His hand rushes out and grabs my bad arm, his thumb pressing into my wound. My mouth opens in a silent scream as my knees buckle beneath me.

My tears fall heavily as I watch the evil smile spread across his face. He enjoys seeing me struggling with my pain. I guess my mother hadn’t forgotten my wound after all, obviously telling him about it.

“Have I ever told you how much I love that you have no voice? I don’t have to worry about anyone hearing your screams. Mother should have done that to you five years sooner.”

Tears fall in steady streams now. The pain is awful, making my stomach roll with nausea.

“Are you going to listen now?” he asks, tilting his head as he considers me.

I nod, and he slowly lets go. I pull my arm towards my chest as I slowly get to my feet. He gives me an expectant look. Unwilling to endure any more pain right now, I turn away from him and take off my clothes. I don’t even bother wiping my tears away, there are too many falling now.

I hear him start the shower and take a deep breath. “All right, get in and wash yourself,” he tells me. I sense him leaning against the shower, waiting for me. If he’s telling me to wash myself, I hope that at least means he won’t be joining me in there, giving me a few more minutes without his hands on me.

I haven’t had a shower in years—over a decade, I think—and I won’t even be able to enjoy it. I don’t waste any time, instantly getting under the spray, which is a fraction too cold. When I go to adjust the temperature, he calls out, “don’t.” making me freeze in fear. When he doesn’t speak again, I pull my hand back from the faucet.

The shower is a tub with a clear curtain, and I know he can see me, so I keep my back to him as much as possible. I find the soap and run it all over my body as fast as I can. It’s not enjoyable, given my currentaudience, but the water and soap do feel nice. I use the shampoo to wash my hair, and that feels even better.

As I’m rinsing the shampoo out with my head tilted back, I’m suddenly wrapped in the curtain, water pouring in from the top. I splutter as I’m pelted with water. Simon’s trapped me in the shower curtain with his arms, submerging me under the shower head. The water has no easy place to drain around my head, so it builds up over my face, only a trickle making it down my body.

I don’t even have time to take a breath before I realize what’s going on. I cough and choke, swallowing some of the water. Finally, after I’m sure he’s trying to drown me, he lets go and pushes the curtain aside. I bend over, coughing out the water and vomiting into the tub as I try to breathe. My throat burns as I try to take in a full lung full of air.

I’m grabbed by my hair and throat, and pulled upright. My eyes shoot open, my hands grabbing his as I watch his evil face loom over me. He forces me back, so the water hits my face again and I splutter, unable to breathe with the water pouring over me.

“Downstairs, you didn’t come when I asked you to. Then you disobeyed my command to get undressed. I want to make it very clear to you how tonight is going to go,” he whispers angrily into my ear. I cough, struggling to breathe properly.

“When I give you an order, you will obey, straight away and without reservation. Every time you don’t, I will add a punishment to your list. When I figure out which part of tonight you hate the most, I will do it again for each time you disobey. Do you understand?” he asks, anger rolling through his voice.

I nod as best I can in his grasp. He lets me go and switches the water off. I cough and spit out more water, gasping for breath. After a minute, I’m finally able to take in full lungfuls of air, despite my burning throat.

He tosses a towel at me. I quickly grab it, wrapping it around myself instantly.

“Dry off, then meet me in the bedroom across the hall.”

He gives me one last glare, as if warning me not to disobey, then leaves, walking across the hall and leaving both doors open. I stare after him, taking deep breaths.

I’ve decided I hate showers and never want another one in my life. I’ll be happy to continue bathing in the sink for the rest of my life.

My eyes don’t move from the door way he entered. How am I supposed to just walk across the hall to him, like a lamb to the slaughter?I can’t.I know what he said, but wouldn’t it be worse if I didn’t resist at all? How could I live with myself if I just lay back and let him rape me? Because I’m sure that’s what’s coming. Even if I deserve this, I have to do everything I can to evade it, even if it ends in the worst beating of my life. Even if he kills me for it.

I wrap the towel around myself and tuck in the end so it stays up under my arms on its own. I have no plan, no real way of escaping, but the longer I stand here, the more I start freaking out.

“Little pet, I’m waiting,” he calls out impatiently. The sound of his voice spurs me into action… and I run.

He must be waiting near the bedroom door, just out of sight, because I don’t even make it to the top of the stairs before he tackles me. The impact pushes me into a door of one of the other bedrooms, making a huge bang as we hit it, and it hits the wall. We fall to the floor in a heapand I squirm, trying to get out from underneath him, but he stands up, easily dragging me with him, his chest pressed against my back.

I reach up blindly behind me, trying to use my nails to hurt him. They make contact, and he yells, “Fuck, you stupid little bitch!” I’m thrown against a dresser. It hits me in the side, and I think I hear something crack before I fall to the floor, winded and clutching my side in pain as I gasp for air.

He moves to stand over me as I pant heavily from exertion and pain. “I told you what would happen if you disobeyed. I guess we’re gonna have some fun now.” He smiles, reaching down to grab one of my ankles and dragging me out of the room.

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