Page 28 of Silent Desires

I know they probably see me as a naive seventeen-year-old girl, but I wish they could see through the facade. Actually, if I’m wishingfor anything, it would be to be able to act like the twenty-one-year-old woman I really am, especially when surrounded by these men. Wait—that means the twins are actually four years younger than me… at least they are eighteen and not minors.

When my father left, I was only six. But I remember that day well. He loved me—or so I thought. And I loved him. He called me his little Mina Bear. He was the only one I liked being around in my family. Then one day, he said he had to leave, but would be back for me soon. That was the last day I ever saw him. I never really knew why he left or why he never came back. All I knew was that it was my fault. My mother reminded me of that every day. She told me he left because he couldn’t stand to be around me and that it was all my fault she was alone. That’s when she started hitting me and locking me in the basement.

The strange thing was, she never seemed to know how old I was. When I told her I was supposed to be going to school, she backhanded me and said I wasn’t old enough. When I was ten, I got the courage to demand I start going to school. She kept saying I was only six, but I argued that even a six-year-old goes to school. It was the first and last time I ever yelled back at her. She was so angry she poured bleach in my mouth. She told me if I ever spoke to her again, she’d cut out my tongue. I coughed and threw up, but it did its damage. I haven’t spoken a single word since that day. I’m still not sure if I even can.

Now that she’s finally enrolled me in school, I can’t mess this up. Even though she’s told them I’m seventeen, there’s no way I’m going to contradict her. I don’t want to find out if she will follow through on her promise.

“Who else lives with you?” Ben asks, bringing me back to the present.

Who else? Does Jeff live with us? I’m not actually sure. It’s not like I’m ever hanging out upstairs to see him come home or leave. If I say I’m not sure, they’ll think I’m an idiot or avoiding answering another question. I don’t know how to explain about the basement, and I definitely don’t want to. It’s embarrassing that I live there. That Ideserveto live there.

I can tell they’re catching on to my vague answers with how they’re phrasing their questions now, asking both if anyone lives there and who in the same breath. Taking a deep breath and a small leap of faith, I decide to tell the truth and typeJeff.

“Who’s Jeff?” Dom asks quietly.

“Mom’s boyfriend,” he says, reading out my reply.

“How long has he been living with you?” Dom presses, sounding on edge. It’s not his turn to ask, but the answer seems important so I hold up six fingers.

“Six years?” he asks.

I shake my head and point to Blue River on the map.

“Six weeks,” Ben answers for me, and I nod. Both of them seem to relax a little. I glance at Atlas as it’s his turn, and I find him staring at the tablet where I’d written my answers. I lean forward and delete my answers, not wanting to see Jeff’s name there as any sort of reminder.

Atlas growls in a low whisper, “did he touch you?”

I jump in surprise then stare at him in shock, my back going tense.Why would he ask that?I search his eyes as he searches mine in return. I don’t know what he’s looking for, but I’m looking for his reason for asking—or what exactly he means. He definitely touched me this morning. Luckily, my mother stopped it before it became sexual. But it’s not the first time he’s laid his hands on me, nor will it likelybe the last. He hasn’t gotten too far, but there’ve definitely been unwanted touches. But I’m not sure what answer Atlas is looking for.

My eyes start to blur, and I beg myself not to cry.Dammit!I’ve already cried enough around these guys. My breath starts coming faster, and a tear spills over. Quickly, I use my free hand to double-tap Atlas’s hand that’s gripping mine. Gripping both my hands, he pulls me into his lap, wrapping his arms around me and holding me close as he presses his head to the top of mine.

“Fuck, Munishka. I wish you would tell me what’s happening,” he whispers against my head. His hand rubs my back as the tears silently fall. At least I’m not outright sobbing.

“Just know, if and when you’re ready to tell us the truth—no matter what it is, and no matter how much you think it’s your fault—we’ll protect you and make sure you’re okay, alright?”

I give a little nod. His offer warms my heart, but I don’t know if I can ever do that. I’ve got too much damage to bring into their lives and I’m not their mess to fix. But I feel like right now he needs me to agree, so I nod my head.

We sit in silence for a few minutes before I hear music start playing. It’s relaxing, and along with being held in Atlas’ warm embrace, I find myself relaxing and soon enough, I drift off to sleep.

I wake up to the sound of whispered voices around me.

“Should we wake her up?” someone whispers.

“She looks so peaceful sleeping,” Ben replies.

“Shhh,” Atlas hisses. My head is still pressed to his chest, and his hand absently rubs up and down my spine while the other rests on my hip, in a firm but gentle touch. I find myself not wanting to leave this position. He’s warm, and I don’t think I’ve ever slept sopeacefully before.

“She’ll have to wake up soon, anyway. We need to take her back for third period,” one of the twins whispers.

“Anything to report right now?” That sounds like Dom’s voice joining in.

“Nothing crucial. It can wait until after school.”

“I made stir-fry for lunch. It’s almost ready if someone wants to wake sleeping beauty,” Ben says from farther away.

That’s when I notice the smell. Whatever stir-fry is, it smells fantastic. My stomach lets out a low grumble of need.

“She can’t eat too much or she’ll be sick. Let’s give her a small portion,” one of the twins, Jasper, I think, tells the group.

---