Page 22 of Silent Desires

“What’s going on?” A new voice startles me enough to make me lift my head. Mr. Hargrove and Tucker had arrived at some point, I didn’t even hear them enter, too lost in my own panic. When Mr. Hargrove makes eye contact with me, his eyes widen in fear and he quickly moves in front of me and drops down on his knees.

He grips my hands tightly in his as he tells me, “just breathe for me, Mina. Follow my breaths. Breath in… That’s it, yes. Now breathe out… Good girl.” I watch the rise and fall of his chest and try to repeat the motion. The black spots fade and I squeeze my eyes shut as I continue to get my breathing under control. Squeezing his hands helps center me, and when I finally think I can breathe normally, I open my eyes.

He gives me a soft smile and nods. “Good girl, you feeling better now?” I nod my head and lick my dry lips. A bottle of water is thrust in front of my face by Jasper, and I reluctantly release Mr. Hargrove’s hands to hold it. I take a few small sips as I lean back and worriedly glance around at the others.

Tucker is leaning against the wall, wearing another green flannel shirt, with his large arms crossed and a worried look on his face.How embarrassing to have a panic attack in front of my teacher!My gaze moves to Max next. He’s sitting beside me, watching me with unease in his eyes. Glancing over at Jasper, who’s seated on my other side, he just frowns at me.

I move my focus back to the man kneeling in front of me. His gaze searches my face, and when he seems to find what he’s looking for, his shoulders drop a little before he speaks, like he doesn’t want to have this conversation.

I grip the water bottle a little harder and try to focus on my breathing. “Mina, is everything okay with you?” I nod my head on instinct and Jasper sighs.

I glance at him and he frowns at me. “We know you’ve been acting differently the past couple days, but we don’t know why. Have we done something to upset you?” Jasper asks, staring at me with too much intensity. I move my gaze to the floor.

This is why he brought me here? Because I’ve been acting standoffish these past few days? The fact that my guidance counselor and teacher are here make me think my initial thoughts were correct, they had been asked to help get me from class to class and to look out for me. Iaman obligation to them. Otherwise, Max and Jasper would be asking me by themselves.

I shake my head and he sighs again. I hear a rustling as he riffles through my bag. “Please, Mina. Don’t lie to me. There is obviously something bothering you, tell us what it is, please?” He holds out my notebook and pen to me with a pleading expression, one I can’t ignore any longer.

Chaptertwelve

Jasper and I hold each other’s gazes for a minute, him pleading with me to tell them the truth. If I am an obligation, he’s really taking all of this very seriously. Maybe there’s more to it than I think. Taking a deep breath, I pass my bottle to Mr. Hargrove before taking my notebook and pen and flipping to a new page as I consider what to write.

I write my questions and turn the book to Jasper, who reads it out loud. “Were you asked or told to escort me to my classes?”

“What?” Max asks from my other side. “Why would you think that?”

This time, I look at Mr. Hargrove and watch as recognition flashes in his eyes. “Ah, I did say I would have a student show you to your class, but I didn’t assign them to it, nor did I ask them to do it after the first day. That’s all them,” he says, motioning to the twins on either side of me.

I glance at Jasper as Max stands up and moves around me, so he’s sitting on the arm of Jasper’s chair, making it easier for me to see them both at the same time.

“Angel, we are hanging out with you because we like you,” Jasper says carefully.

I take my notebook back and write, before letting him read it out loud.“But you don’t even know me.Mina, we’re getting to know you. You’resweet and kind and we enjoy your company. We’re trying to get to know you more, and the more we learn, the more we like.”

“Trust me,” Max jumps in, “if we didn’t like you, or didn’t want to hang out with you, we wouldn’t. You are our friend, and definitely not an obligation.”

My eyes dart back and forth between the two of them, trying to sense the truth. They seem like they are being honest. And if they do think of me as an obligation, why go through all of this effort to convince me otherwise? I have nothing to offer but my friendship. Deciding I’ve made a mistake in my judgement, I write,I’m sorry,and show it to the twins.

They both offer me smiles as Max swoops in first to hug me, lifting me right out of my chair. I wrap my arms around his neck, thankful my arm isn’t getting touched in our embrace, even though the position does put strain on it. As he sets me on my feet, I think I feel him brush his lips across the top of my head, but before I can question it, Jasper pulls me into a gentle hug.

When we finally pull apart, I smile at them both before Tucker’s voice penetrates my happy bubble. “I still want to know why you were sitting out in class yesterday, Sugar.” I look at him in surprise. I can’t tell him my arm was in too much pain, so I write the first thing I can think of.Cramps.

As he reads it, his expression softens. “Ah, alright then, as long as you’re okay?” I nod in answer. “Good. If you need to sit out the rest of the week, go ahead. You can stay on the bleachers like you did yesterday.” I give him a thankful smile, and just like that, the tension in the room evaporates.

Jasper and Tucker go to get us all food and I’m surprised that both Tucker and Mr. Hargrove spend the entire lunch hour with us. Don’tthey have anything better to do? Max asks me about the songs I’ve been listening to, and I excitedly show him my lists.

We go through the songs and he tells me about them, and which ones he also likes. It turns out he likes everything but country. I like the country songs but I don’t like heavy metal or rap, though my favorite is pop. As the day continues, the tension in my body fades a bit and I start to feel more relaxed around them again.

The next day is the best one yet. I don’t even see my mother or Jeff, and I spend every moment I can with the twins. Max even brings me a special breakfast consisting of a cappuccino and a chocolate croissant. I love both of them and tell him they are my new favorites. The only down part of each day is when I have to go home. The twins keep asking if they can take me home or pick me up, but I deny them every time, knowing I can’t risk my mother seeing them or seeing me getting in or out of their truck.

I wish I could take them up on their offer though as the weather is starting to get colder, and I still don’t have a coat, sweater or tights to keep me warm.

But none of that is enough to stop me from looking forward to spending more time with my new friends. And when Friday morning rolls around, I find myself with a mix of excitement for the day and sadness at being alone for the next two days.

I take a deep breath before stepping out of the bathroom, hoping to leave without incident this morning. Unfortunately, even if I think I’ve done everything perfectly, my mother will find a reason to punish me if she wants to. I’ve been lucky this week, and she hasn’t been around when I‘ve left for school, making my mornings go without incident. However,she is not the only person to fear in this house, and she’s not the one waiting in the kitchen this morning, Jeff is.

As soon as he sees me, his eyes roam over my body, lingering on my school uniform blouse and kilt.“Come here, doll,” he says, crooking his finger at me. Tremors shoot up my legs and through my body as I wrap my arms around myself and move closer.

“You know these pigtails don’t hide your beauty at all. Your mother thinks they’ll make you look younger, but they just make you more enticing. Like a perfect little doll waiting to be played with.” I shiver as he gently tugs on one of my braids, and I pray he gets this over with quickly. He seems to like my reaction, though, adjusting himself in his pants. I try to step back, but he stops me by pulling on my braid, much harder this time, making me clench my jaw in pain.

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