Page 3 of Silent Desires

“This is your math class. Mrs. Pinkins is your teacher.” He gestures in the classroom door. I look in and notice rows of desks, half full of students. A handful of them turn to look at me with curiosity. I shoot my gaze to the ground.

Dammit, dammit, dammit!Don’t make eye contact!I chastise myself as my breathing picks up.

God, there are so many students in there, I would have to walk past them to an empty desk and they would all be staring at me. My breath stutters and I start to gasp for air, placing my hand on my chest as I feel the beginning of a panic attack threatening to overtake me.

Mr. Hargrove leads me a few steps away, so I’m not standing in the classroom doorway anymore.

“Mina, you need to calm down, just take a deep breath for me. Come on now.” He tries to encourage me, but it doesn’t work. Darkness starts to cloud the corner of my vision. I suffer from panic attacks on a regularbasis, living the way I do will do that to a person, but this one is particularly bad, and it’s been a while since I’ve passed out from one.

“Mina, look at me. Come on, honey…”

“Is she okay… shit!” a voice I don’t recognize says, and it’s the last thing I hear before everything goes black.

Chapter two

As I come into consciousness, the first thing I notice is a throbbing pain in my head. The second thing I notice is that something firm is wrapped around me. My eyelashes flutter as I try to open my eyes. When I’m finally able to keep them open long enough to focus, a pair of bright green eyes look back at me with concern.

“Hi there, Angel,” the gorgeous man says as he smiles down at me.Am I in heaven?Did my mother take it too far this time?

My eyes flick around, trying to figure out where I am and what’s going on. I appear to be in an empty classroom. Well, empty except for Mr. Hargrove and this new man. The new man whoselapI was currently curled up in. My body freezes, realizing I’m being held by a strange man with no idea how I got here.

“How do you feel, Love?” Hearing Mr. Hargrove’s British accent helps to calm me, which seems like a contradiction to how I should feel in the arms of a stranger. More importantly, why was he asking me that? And why am I in this stranger’s lap? I notice the worry in his face, and that’s when I remember what happened in the hall, I had a panic attack.

“You feel a bit better?” he asks, realizing I can’t answer. I give a little nod.

“You know a lot of girls try to get his attention, but that’s the first time a girl has actually swooned for him,” the stranger chuckles while he looks at me. My cheeks grow warm as I stare at him. His dark brown hair almost reaches his eyes and my fingers twitch to push it back. He is just as handsome as Mr. Hargrove, but in a different way. Mr. Hargrove has charming, classical good looks while this new man looks like the hot jock that all the girls would fight over.

As we stare at one another, I see something there that I’ve never seen before and I don’t know how to name it. I’m used to hate, anger, fury, loathing, disgust. But never this. It’s soft and… something else.Caring?I’m unsure, but all I can do is stare into his gorgeous green eyes as he stares back at me. It’s like he can see into my soul, and the longer he looks, the more he sees.

Please see me!My heart pleads, beating faster, as if it can beat itself right out of my chest to get closer to him.

“Can you stand up?” Mr. Hargrove asks, breaking the spell that this stranger has cast upon me. I want to know his name, so I know what to call him in my head. He called me Angel, but it’s more like he’smyguardian angel, the way he’s holding me together right now with his arms wrapped around me. He was keeping me safe while I laid unconscious in an unfamiliar environment, something I will be eternally grateful for. Nobody’s ever made me feel safe before.

I nod and start to sit up, my guardian angel helping me to stand.

“Mina, I’m going to take you to the library. I can set you up in a quiet room there where nobody will bother you, does that sound okay?” Mr. Hargrove asks. I nod my head with relief. That sounds way better than sitting in a classroom. As much as I want to be normal, I’m not. Andapart from these two men, nobody has ever been kind to me before and I’ve probably reached the limit of nice people at this school.

“Alright, Jasper, you get to class. Thanks for your help out there.”Jasper.What a perfect name for this man. Wait - is he a student? He seems a bit old to be a student, I mean I’m one to talk, but he doesn’t look like any seventeen-year old I’ve ever seen. But he is wearing the school issued uniform consisting of a white dress shirt and black pants. Not that I’ve seen any outside of tv shows and movies.

“My pleasure.” He smiles at me as he heads for the door. “See you later, Mina.” He waves before disappearing out the door.

“Alright, Love, let’s get you settled, yeah?” He holds out his hand towards me, and I frown at it with confusion. Does he want me to hold his hand? He quickly pulls it away and gives a quick laugh.

“Yeah, uh, ignore that, sorry. Let’s go.” He sounds uncomfortable and motions for the door. Not knowing what that was about, and being unable to ask, I decide to forget it as we head out into the now empty hall.

He leads me through the quiet school until we reach the library. It’s not big, but it’s quiet, with no other students in sight. He takes me to the back corner, where there’s a door leading to a room with a table and six chairs around it and a small comfy upholstered chair in the corner.

“Here we are! I’ll sign it out for you for the day, so nobody will bother you. Do you need to buy your lunch?” I shake my head, my mother didn’t give me any money for lunch. Not that I ever eat lunch, anyway. It was clear to me most people did, but it was also clear to me that I was nothing like normal people. Being locked in your room all day left no possibility for food breaks. I was lucky I hadn’t starved to death yet.

“Alright, well, I’ll leave you to your coloring books. Will you be okay in here on your own? I’ll come check on you when I can, but I have a lot of appointments today.” I nod my head, he has been more than generous with his kindness and time and I don’t want him missing any appointments with anybody who needed him.

What I really wanted to say was,I need you! Please stay!He feels safe and I can’t help but wish he would stay and help me. But I could never ask that of him, even if I could talk.

He says goodbye and then I’m left alone. I let out a deep breath. So far, school isn’t turning out to be anything like I expected.

I open up my bag and check what my mother bought me from the dollar store. I huff a silent laugh at the stupid coloring books.Really?This is what I was supposed to do all day?

I pull the one with cute animals towards me and open the box of pencil crayons to get started. Two hours later and I can’t take it anymore. I sit back in my chair and stare at the ceiling. I need to do something else, coloring was so boring.

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