Page 20 of Silent Desires

I pretend to color and not pay attention, but when I see him writing in my notebook, I bite my lip to hide my smile. Being able to communicate with someone is something I haven’t experienced since I was ten. It’s exciting and gives me the sense that I’m building a real friendship with Jasper.

When he passes the notepad back, I read his response.Green. Favorite food? Favorite movie?

Dammit. Could I remember the name of any movies I watched as a kid? I don’t want to sound like a child and name a cartoon. I wrack my brain, trying to remember, but nothing comes to mind. I could remember parts of movies, but no titles.

Answering him back, I write:burgers and I don’t have a favorite movie. What are yours?

When I pass it back, I see a small frown before he starts writing. When he passes it back, I read his response:lobster, Die Hard. What did you do last night?

Nothing, you?I write back.

I see him press his lips together when he reads my response. It seems like he isn’t happy with my response. But it’s the truth, I got home, went into the basement and literally just laid in bed until I fell asleep.

Homework, video games, watched a movie. Are you new to town?

I considered his question before responding. Was I new? I’ve been here a few months, was that considered new? Should I tell him that? So far, I have been keeping my answers simple and I’m not sure if it’s wise to tell him anymore just yet. Although I’m pretty sure I can trust him, I just wish I knew if he’s reporting back to my mother. Could I just ask him that? He wouldn’t tell me if he was, though, would he?

I glance up at him as I consider what to do and see him watching me, his eyes filled with an intensity I don’t understand. Luckily, I’m saved by the bell before I figure out a way to respond.

We pack up our bags and he takes mine before I can pick it up. Without missing a beat, he grabs my hand and gently leads me out of class and to the cafeteria. I keep my eyes down, but the whispers of other students reach my ears.

“What does he see in her?”

“She must be really easy.”

“The whole shy girl thing is kinda hot, I’d bang her.”

Jasper’s hand tightens on mine as he pulls me a little faster, obviously hearing the students whispering. When we reach the cafeteria, Max is waiting for us at our usual table.

“Hey Jasper, hi Mina.” I give him a little wave as Jasper directs me to a seat between them. “How was science?”

“Good, I found out Mina’s favorite color is green and her favorite food is burgers.”

Max looks at Jasper in surprise. “That’s cool, I like burgers too. What kind of music do you like?” He looks at me expectantly, but I have no clue how to answer. I don’t know any bands or songs. I give him a small shrug, which makes him frown and glance at Jasper. Is it weird to not know what type of music you like?

“How about your favorite tv show?” I twist my lips in discomfort as I stare down at the notebook in front of me. Maybe being able to communicate with them through writing was a bad idea. It just pointed out the differences between us. I don’t know any tv shows, movies, music and, hell, I barely know any variety of food. Plus, I was supposed to act like I didn’t understand the topics being taught in our classes. We literally have nothing in common.

When it becomes clear I’m not going to answer, Jasper and Max start up a conversation between them about today’s menu while I contemplate what to do. There is no way they would want to be friends with me now they see how boring I am. I should just spend the rest of the day in the library on my own. That’s what my mother would prefer, anyway. Besides, if anyone is reporting back to her, my throbbing arm reminds me that I can’t afford any more injuries at this point.

Just as I start to gather the nerve to stand up, a plate of food is set in front of me, making me glance up at Max’s smiling face. “Eat up, Mina,” he says, pointing to the plate of chicken fingers and fries.

My stomach rumbles, making the decision to stay for me. I’m not guaranteed a meal tonight, so it’s best I eat now, while I can. As I nibble away I realize the twins have gone quiet and when I glance at them, I see them preoccupied on their phones. I feel a small sense of relief knowing they aren’t watching me like I’m some strange freak right now.

After lunch they walk me to art class, which I spend swirling paint around on a canvas, with zero artist ability. Max meets me after class to walk me to the gym. Earlier in the week, I thought they were walking me to my classes because they didn’t think I could read my schedule or the class numbers on the wall. But they know I can sort of write now, so I’m not sure why they are still doing it. I don’t mind though, especially when they hold my hand.

I’m a bit surprised when Max takes me to Tucker’s office again, but I’m grateful to stay far away from that locker room. Tucker isn’t in there today, but my gym clothes and shoes are neatly laid out on his desk for me. As I go to grab them, Max gives my hand a small squeeze and stops me.

“Mina?” I look at him in question. He lets go of my hand to pull something out of his pocket. There is a small silver device and a white cable. He holds it out to me, but I furrow my eyebrows. “It’s for you, I had a spare and thought you’d like it. I’ve loaded it with music for you.” Music? I look at it again and gently reach out to pick up the silver device and turn it over. There is a small screen on it and a few buttons. I glance at him and shake my head in confusion.

That makes him scrunch up his eyebrows in confusion. “You don’t want it? Or…” Internally sighing at the communication barrier, I place the device back in his hand and pull my notebook out, writing:what is it?

When he reads it, his eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Oh! It is rather old, sorry about that,” he says with a chuckle, as if it’s his fault that I don’t know what it is. “It’s a mp3 player, for playing music.” I look back down at the tiny thing in consideration. That’s cool, but I couldn’t listen to music in class or even at home, others would hear it.

“These are the headphones,” he says, lifting up the end of the white cable. Oh! I recognize them now, I’ve seen them on tv years ago. Each end goes in my ears and then plugs into the mp3 player. So I can listen to music without anyone else hearing it. Wait, did he say this is for me? He’s lending it to me?

Quickly writing in my notebook, I ask:you’re lending this to me?

He gives me a soft smile as he replies, “no, it’s for you to keep. I have a charging cable here, too.” He reaches into his other pocket and brings out a black cable with a plug on one end. When I don’t move to take any of it, he opens my bag and puts it all in the small front pocket. “There! Now you can listen to music over the weekend and let me know what you like on Monday. We put a variety on there for you, so hopefully something speaks to you.”

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