Page 61 of Keep Me

“Not everything.”

Shaking my head, I felt like I was stuck in a grave. Six feet under with no way out. “Olana…” I was doing my best to remain calm. “I care about you. I always will. I’m trying to give you everything you need to help you through this because I only want what’s best for you. But what’s best for you isn’t what’s best for me, or us. I can’t give you what you want.”

When I tried to look her in the eyes, she dropped her gaze to the ground. It was the most honest I’d ever been with her, and really, this caused most of our fights when we were together. We weren’t meant to be and dragging this out wasn’t helping anyone.

She wiped her nose with her palm, sniffling. “You and I used to have so much fun together. Do you remember?” I wanted to ask her when, but nitpicking didn’t feel appropriate.

When she finally looked up, a single tear slid down her left cheek.

“Olana. Don’t cry.”

“I’m not,” she said, swiping away the tear. “I just wish you’d take me more seriously when I say that I want to work things out with you.” She took my hand, drawing me in.

I stepped forward, and her face went from a frown to a small smile, then faltered. Did she think she’d won again? I sighed, ready to tell her the truth about Vegas when the doors to the bar opened. Laughter spilled out, and I knew who was coming without looking. It was only when I heard the deeper laugh combining with hers that I looked.

I couldn’t help myself.

And fuck.

Right there in front of me Britt and Erik were walking out of the bar, hand in hand, laughing away like they were besties. What the fuck was I doing with my life? I was chasing after a girl who was clearly happy without me, and crushing the soul of another who I’d known since high school.

I caught Britt’s eye, but she quickly turned away.

“Wow.” Olana’s voice was suddenly deeper. Harsher with less emotion. “Really? You’re going to just gawk at her with me right here?”

“I thought you were upset?” I squinted at her. Sometimes she gave me whiplash with her emotions. Gone were the glassy eyes and the insecurity. In their place was a confident, slightly obnoxious girl no one liked.

“I was until I realized it doesn’t matter how I act. You’ll always be emotionally cheating on me.”

She threw it back at me. The same thing she always did when I didn’t fall in line with whatever crap she was trying to hurl my way. “Emotionally cheating? Do you really want to talk aboutemotional cheating, because after I found you sleeping with that idiot teammate of mine, do you know what I did?”

She shook her head.

“I checked your phone.” She didn’t need to ask how. “You’d been cheating on me since we started dating in high school.”

She pursed her lips. “You can’t prove that.”

“I sure can. Not that I want to. Not anymore.”

“Matty.” Her jaw was clenched, and she stepped toward me. No. No. No. This wasn’t happening again. I wouldn’t let Olana ruin any potential chance I had with Britt. No matter how small it was.

“She’s never going to want you, you know?” Olana’s words were so on point with what I thought that I wasn’t sure if she’d actually said them out loud. When I glanced at her, she stared back at me with an air of defiance.

“Who?”

“You know who. Britt.” Her name was said with so much spite I felt it run down my spine.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Do you really think that I don’t notice the way you look at her? I get it, she’s gorgeous. She’s one of those people that looks effortless and perfect without even trying.” Grabbing her stomach, Olana spat out, “I’m just a girl with fat rolls and problems. Why would you want someone like me?”

I stepped back because I started to feel it again. The slither of pain when I saw her like this. Olana was so dreadfully insecure, but no one besides me could see it. She had a good way of maintaining her façade for others, but she never hid from me. I knew everything, and that was what made her hard to deal with.

“Olana, you’re beautiful.” Why did it always end up with me saying things I didn’t want to? Was my dignity and sanity worth it?

“Then why can’t you love me?” She said it so softly I almost didn’t hear it. Almost.

“I’m sorry.” It was all I could muster.

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