Page 56 of Unexpecting

″Maybe things work out for the best,” David mused.

″I can’t see this being the best.”

″I mean me.” He took a drink of his beer. “Marco called me the other day.”

″Marco? Italian Stallion Marco?”

″The one and only. He wants me to come and visit. He says he misses me. I told him I wasn’t sure. I thought I might be needed here.”

″Because of me. And now you’re off the hook, so you can be together!” In a strange way, the news made me feel better. Oh, not altogether better, because there was the twinge of thinking of David with a man, even an Italian stallion named Marco, and the surge of self-pity of being reminded how everyone in the world, including my gay ex-boyfriend, could find someone to love, but it did make me feel better about disappointing David. I didn’t feel so bad about that now.

″Well, not exactly.” David leaned across the table and took my hand. “Even though it wouldn’t be my baby, I’d still be willing to raise it with you. If you wanted me to, that is. If things don’t work out with you and J.B.”

″I don’t think things are going to work out,” I said, my eyes filling with sudden tears. “You’d, you’d do that? You’d want to do that?”

″I would.”

“You must really want a baby!” The burst of laughter wasn’t appropriate but gurgled out of me.

″I do. But I also care a great deal about you.”

″But it’s been so long since we…”

″It doesn’t mean I don’t still care about you. You care about me, don’t you? Enough to consider having a child with me, right? Same goes for me.”

″Wow.” I surveyed David across the table. “I really let a good one get away. But I guess not so good, considering the whole homosexual aspect.” I gave my head a shake. “Why does it have to be so complicated?”

″It doesn’t need to be. If you need me, I’m there for you.”

I sat there holding David’s hand and considered this. I recalled J.B.’s anger and Morgan’s shock and Cooper’s surprise and thought how warm David’s hand was and how nice it would be to have someone on my side.

But it didn’t feel right. J.B. might not want this baby, but the fact remained that it was his baby and I couldn’t see him being okay with another man raising it. He might not be okay with the situation now, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t come around someday.

I had to believe that.

I didn’t want the fairy tale—I don’t need that. I know what J.B. is like, and I know he doesn’t want the happily ever after. And even if he did, he might not want it with me. So I’m not expecting anything from him. But it might be nice if he would acknowledge the baby as his, and maybe love it a little. Obviously not as much as I love it—because this thing hanging out in my uterus may only be a collection of fast-multiplying cells, but I, wow, I already love it a whole bunch. So there’s no way of anyone else’s love even beginning to eclipse it, but it might be nice if J.B. could possibly begin to love it. Her. Or him.

So I gave David’s hand a squeeze. “You should go see Marco,” I told him quietly. “See what happens there.”

″So you think J.B. will change his mind?”

I shrugged. “I have no idea. But it is his baby. Maybe if I like the whole being pregnant thing a lot, you could come back and knock me up!” I joked. David gave a weak smile. “But I think I should just see how things go.”

″Let me know if you change your mind,” was how David left it.

I think I’m making the right decision, even though it scares me to think of raising a child alone. But then I remind myself that’s what I was signing up to do had I gone ahead with the anonymous donor route. It’ll just be like that, just with a different father. A father I know quite well, but who doesn’t seem to want to know me any longer.

Chapter Twenty-Four

“While the father-to-be may not be as emotionally invested in the baby-making process or the pregnancy, he should attempt to show some excitement, as well as a great deal of care and support, and give the mother-to-be the respect she deserves while awaiting his child. After all, she is the vessel that will give life to his offspring.”

A Young Woman’s Guide to the Joy of Impending Motherhood

Dr. Francine Pascal Reid (1941)

When I got home,J.B. had just pulled into the driveway seconds before me. In fact, he was still sitting astride his motorcycle taking his helmet off as I turned off my car. I sat there for a moment watching him, not really sure what to say or even if I wanted to say anything at all to him.

But then he turned and met my gaze, and I felt compelled to get out of the car. When I got out, I slammed the car door too quickly, so that my seat-belt strap caught. I fixed it and shut my door again. By this time, J.B. was off his bike and standing by the hood of my car. The only light came from the lamp by the front door, so J.B.’s face was in shadow.

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