Page 43 of Unexpecting

″It was obvious the interest was only one-sided.”

“But you still should have said something. When was this? You should have told me! I could have…” I trailed off. Could I have developed feelings for Cooper? It was always the friendship that attracted me to him, not anything physical. I’d always thought he was very attractive, but for me,the magical chemistry was never there, not like it had been with J.B. If Morgan were right and Cooper had been in love with me, it had probably been when I first met J.B. when I was obviously interested in him. Poor Cooper.

″You could have fallen for me,” Cooper finished my sentence. “Sorry, but I wasn’t about to take that chance. Either it was there, or it wasn’t. It was for me—at one time. Not now,” he assured me. “But it wasn’t for you. I’m okay with how things turned out.”

″Because you have Emma,” I said uncertainly.

″Even if I didn’t, I would have gotten over you. Just because you want to keep your past loves dangling doesn’t mean I do. It was bad enough with you hanging around all the time, insisting that I feed you.”

″That’s so mean,” I gasped, when his wide grin told me he was teasing.

″Besides,” he began with another wicked grin, “who knows what would have happened with us? You might have turned me gay, too.”

With an enormous shove, I pushed him off the bed. He was still laughing as he hit the floor.

Chapter Nineteen

“In close circles, it often appears as if women of a child-bearing age coincide their pregnancies with each other, which is enjoyable for both the mothers and the children since an attachment is easily forged under such common circumstances.”

A Young Woman’s Guide to the Joy of Impending Motherhood

Dr. Francine Pascal (1941)

This put a wholenew spin on things.

Not the whole Cooper-used-to-be-in-love-with-me, although that did come as quite the surprise. How did I not know about it? Maybe I’m not the most observant person—I was in love with a gay man for years, having no clue he was gay. I guess that says a lot about me and my powers of observation. I have to admit I did feel a twinge of regret when Cooper admitted he had been in love with me, but it only lasted a moment. Now what I mainly feel is relief. Cooper-and-I was never meant to be, and I’m glad he’s no longer in love with me and even happier that his unrequited love didn’t affect our friendship. That would have been horrible if he had stopped being my friend, especially if I hadn’t had any idea of his true feelings.

But I have to stop thinking about what Cooper said or felt or still feels about me, because that is distracting me from the bigger problem. Regardless of Cooper’s opinion of the whole thing, I can’t stop thinking about the idea of David and I having a baby together.

And thinking about having a baby with him does sort of take my mind off the whole David-is-gay thing.

So what should I do? Despite what Cooper said, it does seem like a no-brainer to me. I want to have a baby. I don’t have a man in my life. David wants a baby. He doesn’t have a woman—or a man—in his life. Gay or not, I think I would love to keep him in my life. Seems pretty simple to me.

The only thing, the one little thing that holds me back from running straight to David (David, straight, ha-ha, Casey, good one!) is me. Me and my feelings. I know I’m still hung up on David. I’m not sure if I’ve been that way for a while (I suspect I have, and everything came to a head once I saw him again), or if it’s just seeing him again that makes everything seem so intense. In any event, David seems to be a little too entrenched in my heart right now, and I’m not sure that’s a good idea if I’m going to have a baby with him.

Does that make sense? That I like him too much to have a baby with him?

For now, though, I stick that thought in the don’t-want-to-deal-with folder. I decide to wait until I have my period. When that comes, it will mean decision time. I’ll have roughly about two weeks to get everything together—decide if David is it, and if so, just how this is going to happen. I know how I’d like it to happen, but obviously, I’m not about to get my way on that aspect. Unless David can somehow muster the strength to, you know, but I think that might be too much to ask.

I’m expecting my period any day now. No more than a couple of days. Definitely sometime in the next week. When I think of it, I don’t think my cycle is at all average—some months Aunt Flo comes on the twenty-first day, other months it’s on the twenty-seventh day. I think that has something to do with forgetting to take my pill sometimes. At least I’m not completely irresponsible—I always use a condom as well. But my period always comes.

So all I have to do is wait a couple more days, talk to David, and then that’s it. This time next month I could be pregnant, and come March, I could be a mom! Or maybe April, just in case it doesn’t work the first time. But why wouldn’t it work? I’m the ultimate optimist about this now!

I focus on that and put David’s new lifestyle way back on the back burner so that I can enjoy Coop’s Canada Day party on Sunday. Cooper throws really good parties, but his best are the last-minute, spontaneous ones. More people show up, everyone’s in a terrific mood, and the food isalways incredible. This one is no exception. July 1 falls on a Sunday this year—Coop starts inviting people on the Friday night. If I did that, maybe three people would show up, and all I’d have for them to eat would be a bag of nacho chips and a jar of no-name salsa. Not so for Cooper. About thirty people give him an enthusiastic yes out of the forty or so he e-mails. Coop then spends Sunday morning creating tasty tidbits in the kitchen, while giving Emma explicit instructions about how to decorate the backyard with his chili pepper patio lights.

″Coop and J.B. throw such good parties,” Brit said later as she appraised the backyard. It was almost six o’clock, and the yard was already full of music, people, and lots of food and beer. She helped herself to another tortilla chip, scooping up a healthy gob of Cooper’s homemade spicy pineapple salsa. “Where’s Morgan? Is she still talking to J.B.?”

I scanned the crowd until I saw Morgan standing by the bar area. J.B. was beside her, and as I watched, she laughed at something he said.

″Well, let’s hope Anil will get the message that Morgan’s moved on to bigger and better things and realize his mistake,” Brit mused.

″She handed him a beer,” I said dryly. “That would definitely get Anil all worked up if he could see them now. Have you seen her new place?” I asked, wanting to change the subject.

After Morgan spent a week in Brit’s guest room, Brit introduced Morgan to her real estate agent last week, and after an intensive daylong search of twenty-six townhouses, condominiums, and semidetached houses, Morgan bought a condo in the building across the street from Brit and moving in at the end of the month. I’m not sure she’ll last the month at Brit’s though. I was waiting for my turn to have Morgan crash on my couch.

″It’s great, same layout as mine. I’m wondering if she’s moving too fast, buying something on her own. What if Anil wants her back and—”

″Anil has a girlfriend,” Tom said abruptly. He’d been standing quietly behind Brit the whole time we were talking. Because Tom’s so quiet and Brit’s personality sort of overshadows him, it’s easy to forget he’s around. I’m not sure if it’s good for Brit to marry such a gentle soul. She needs someone to slap her down on occasion.

---