Page 21 of My Surprising Valentine

I wrapped my arms around my middle, fingers digging into my sides through the fabric of my dress, suddenly cold despite the warmth of the room. “About?”

Max ran his hand through his hair again, messing it up completely, erasing all traces of the suave, polished man who’d charmed my family downstairs. In the twenty-three years I’d known him, I’d never seen him look so unsure of himself. “About how easy it was down there. Pretending.” He gave a short, humorless laugh, his eyes latching onto mine with an intensity that made my breath catch. “Except the truth is, I wasn’t pretending, Hannah. Not really.” He ran his hand through his hair again, messing it up completely.

The air left my lungs in a rush, leaving me lightheaded. I must have misheard him. Or misunderstood. Because it sounded like... my thoughts scattered as hope, dangerous and unwanted, started to bloom in my chest, spreading like the ripple of a wave, both soothing and inevitable, despite my desperate attempts to contain it.”

“That story about the Patriots game?” He took a step toward me, then stopped, his body coiled with tension like he was holding himself back. “When you fell asleep on my shoulder that night, wearing that old ratty Gronk jersey you refuse to retire …” He blew out a breath and shook his head. I watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed deeply. “When you woke up, you looked up at me with those eyes of yours, and for a second, I thought maybe … but then David started yelling about the ref, and the moment was gone.”

I couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t do anything but stare at him as he continued, my heart thundering so loudly I was sure he must have been able to hear it.

“The truth is, I’ve been hoarding moments like that for years like a greedy dragon. Tiny little pieces of almost and what if.” His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides. “Downstairs, listening to your family talk about all those moments—the daisies at your graduation, that night I drove back in the snowstorm—they weren’t wrong, Hannah.” Something raw and vulnerable crossed his expression. “I didn’t do those things because you’re my best friend’s little sister and I was somehow strong-armed into looking after you. I did them because I wanted to. Because it’s you.”

“Max.” My voice cracked on his name.

“Let me finish. Please.” He took another step closer, close enough that I could see the faint stubble along his jaw and smell his cologne—that familiar scent that always made my head spin. “I’ve spent so long trying to convince myself that what I feltfor you wasn’t real. That you couldn’t possibly—” He broke off, dragging in a ragged breath. “And then you kissed me back.”

My heart stuttered at the memory of his lips on mine, my whole body lighting up.

Before I could tell him how that kiss had turned my world upside down and inside out, he continued, his voice rough with emotion. “I told myself it was just practice for this weekend, that I shouldn’t read anything into it. But God, Hannah, I haven’t been able to think about anything else since. I’ve replayed it over and over in my head a thousand different times, imagining all the things I could have done to you—withyou—if we hadn’t stopped. What it could mean for us if you’d only give me a chance to prove how good we could be together.”

I felt dizzy and overwhelmed. “But you’ve never … I mean, you don’tdorelationships, Max. Everyone knows that.”

“Because the only relationship I’ve ever wanted was with my best friend’s baby sister.” He huffed out a bitter laugh. “The one person I could never have.”

His words hit me like a slap. David’s baby sister? Really? After everything Max and I had been through together over the years—all the times we’d stayed up late talking hours after everyone else had gone to bed, the way he’d dropped everything to drive through a snowstorm when I was sick, how I’d been the first person he’d called when he got the Chief of Oncology position—that was how he still saw me?

Anger flared hot and bright in my chest, burning away any softer, vulnerable feelings. Lord knew it was an excuse I’d used myself more than once, but I was suddenly so damn tired of it. Exhausted from being relegated to the role of David’s kid sister when I hadn’t been that young girl in a very long time.

“That’s a cop-out, and you know it.” The words burst out of me before I could stop them. “I’m a thirty-five-year-old womanwho’s built a life of my own outside of the shadow of my older brother. Find a better excuse.”

Something flickered in his eyes—surprise, maybe, or respect. “Fuck. You’re right.” He ran a hand through his hair again. “Of course, you’re right. But when I first noticed my feelings for you shifting, youweren’tthirty-five. You were seventeen, Han, and convincing myself to stay away from you because you were too fucking young was the only excuse I could make myself believe.” His voice dropped low and mesmerizing. “So there it is. The truth is I’ve wanted you practically my whole damn life—even when it waswrongto want you.”

He started pacing, his movements sharp and agitated, like a caged animal. Three steps one way, turn, three steps back. “Christ, do you know how many times David almost caught me watching you back then? How many people I dated in college trying to convince myself I didn’t want what I couldn’t have?” His voice had taken on a raw edge I’d never heard before, years of carefully buried feelings finally breaking free. He stopped abruptly, facing me, his shoulders rigid with tension.

“And now I’m terrified because you’re not just some woman who I can walk away from if things don’t work out. You’re... fuck, you’re my everything.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets, almost as if he was fighting the urge to reach for me. “And if I screw this up, I wouldn’t just lose you. I’d lose David, too, and this life I’ve built with you guys. It seemed safer to keep my distance.”

My mind reeled with his confession. All those years I’d spent thinking I was alone in this— that my feelings were one-sided—and Max had been struggling too? I thought back to all those weekends he’d come home from college with David and how I’d try so hard to act normal when he’d talk about his latest girlfriend or boyfriend. Then later, when I was in Boston for school, how many Friday nights had I spent getting ready formy own dates, hoping I might run into him at whatever bar was popular at the time, hoping that he’d finally see I wasn’t a little girl anymore? The thought made my chest ache. All that wasted time dancing around each other, both too afraid to take the risk.

But now Max was standing in front of me, gazing at me with that intensity I’d never been able to read, finally admitting what I’d only ever dreamed of hearing. “And now?”

“Now?” His eyes searched mine, intense and uncertain. A muscle ticked in his jaw as he stepped closer, close enough that I could feel the heat radiating from his body. “Now I'm standing here hoping that I haven’t read this all wrong. That I’m not about to ruin everything by telling you I’m in love with you … that?—”

I didn’t let him finish. Maybe it was madness, maybe it was the drinks from dinner, or maybe it was just that I couldn’t bear for another second to pass when I’d spent so long telling myself this was impossible. Closing the distance between us, I grabbed his tie and pulled his mouth down to mine. He made a surprised sound against my lips before his arms wrapped around me, pulling me flush against him. This kiss was nothing like our practice session—this was raw and desperate and real—everything I’d never let myself truly want poured into a single moment.

When we finally broke apart, both breathing hard, he rested his forehead against mine. “Hannah?” My name came out like a question.

“I’ve been in love with you since I was fourteen years old,” I admitted, the words tumbling out after being held back for so long. A weight I hadn’t even realized I’d been carrying lifted from my chest at finally being able to say them out loud. “That day you taught me how to drive a stick shift in that ancient Wrangler of yours, I was so nervous. It was one of the first times we spent time alone together without David, and I was so scaredI was going to do something embarrassing like blurt out how I felt.”

His laugh was shaky. “Is that why you were so terrible at it?”

“Maybe, but probably not,” I said, laughter bubbling out of me. “You were so patient with me, even when I ground your gears to dust.” I smiled against his mouth. “That’s definitely when I knew.”

“Knew what?” He pulled back just enough to look at me, his expression a mix of wonder and disbelief.

“That no one else would ever measure up to you.”

His hands tightened on my waist. “So all this time …”

I nodded. “All this time.”

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