Page 53 of Lucky Star

Chapter Twenty

Sarah

I’d been waking up every day with the sun and falling into bed well after midnight. It seemed that no matter how many hours I put in, my work was never done. Yesterday, I’d been thrilled to run a big black line through the last task on my to-do list, only to flip the page over and see twenty additional items I’d added throughout the day.

At least I hadn’t had time to obsess about my rapidly deteriorating relationship with Cameron.

Over the last few weeks, we’d become practically strangers. We’d had dinner together two Sundays ago, but more and more it felt like we were two ships passing in the night instead of two people supposedly madly in love. In the end, it hadn’t been hard to keep our relationship a secret because we didn’t have much of a relationship to speak of. We hadn’t had sex in over three weeks, and I’d barely seen him at all in the last five days.

Now, I sat at my desk, spinning his grandmother’s ring on my finger. I’d lost about fifteen pounds over last few months, and my fingers had thinned out making the band loose. I’d had to twine a small piece of rubber band around the back to keep it on my finger. As I stared down at it now, I wondered why I even bothered.

I’d been struggling with my decision all week but had finally decided I’d give it back to Cameron the next time I saw him, whenever that would be. If we didn’t sync up soon, I’d box it up and leave it in his drawer. Drawers I’d checked the day before to confirm that he still lived with me … or was at least using my place for storage.

As if these thoughts had conjured him, when I glanced up from my bony fingers, my nails chipped and ragged, Cameron was standing in the doorway of my office. As my eyes scanned him from head to toe, my heart thumped wildly, and butterflies fluttered furiously in the pit of my stomach. No matter how many times I saw him, no matter how much I hated him, Cameron Scott still had the power to take my breath away.

“You busy?” he asked, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him.

“Yes, but I always have time for you,” I responded, keeping my tone light and airy, as a strange look I couldn’t read flashed in his eyes.

“What’s up?” I added, suddenly nervous about what he wanted to discuss.

Cameron propped himself against my desk, his feet crossed at the ankles in front of him. His pose was casual, and the tension he’d been carrying in his shoulders every time our paths crossed recently was seemingly gone.

Or maybe this is Actor Cameron, the angry devil on my shoulder whispered, and you’re about to get your ass handed to you. Angry Devil had made a number of appearances lately; so much so that I’d began to wonder if Sweet Angel had gotten fed up and left the premises.

Even though I’d just been thinking about how to go about giving his ring back, as he looked down at me, I feared he was going to tell me things were over.

I didn’t think our relationship stood a snowball’s chance in hell, but I needed to be the one to end it if I ever wanted to recover from my heartache.

His lips lifted in a small smile, and for those few quiet seconds, I remembered how easy everything used to be between us. Even when I’d been overwhelmed with my unrequited feelings for him, I’d never felt anything but happy in his presence. I wanted to be happy again. I wanted to be happy with him, but I feared we’d never find our way back to that place. I’d lost faith in us, and it broke my heart, a physical pain taking root in my chest.

I couldn’t tell you what was going on in Cameron’s head since he’d adopted that blank mask I’d seen so often lately. And even so, suddenly, I wanted to comfort him. To share my love with him. I didn’t know if I’d ever have another chance.

I laid my hand on his forearm. “I’ve missed you, Cameron. So much.”

There, I’d said it. I was willing to lay my cards on the table, but was he? Would he confront his feelings? If I was going to lose him, it was better he just tell me now. I deserved that much at least.

When he didn’t respond right away, I dragged my hand from his arm to rub at the sore spot in the middle of my sternum, a tight hard knot that threatened to collapse my bones in on themselves.

Breaking the heavy, expectant silence, he finally spoke. “I’ve missed you too, baby.” His accompanying smile was a sad one.

Even so, I felt the tight, ugly grip on my heart lessen.

“I have so much I want to say—things I need to explain—but I don’t want to be distracted by all this.” He glanced around my office as if to indicate every goddamn thing associated with this godforsaken movie. “I’ve got a few days off, and if you can swing it, we should go away. I want to fix us.”

Those words, so sincerely spoken, were the olive branch I’d been begging for all this time. Wild horses couldn’t have kept me away from.

“I can make it work.” I stood and tentatively wrapped my arms around him, something I hadn’t been able to do for too many weeks. I rested my head against his chest and savored the feel of being in his arms again after such a long absence.

“We could drive up the coast,” I proposed. “Get a room somewhere. Just spend a few days reading, relaxing, hanging out.”

“I have no intention of spending our time reading or doing anything but talking and enjoying your body.” His chest went tight, and his breathing altered beneath my cheek. Cameron squeezed me tighter. “Fuck, I’ve missed you.”

I swallowed deep, the idea of being with him again after so many weeks making me anxious. But damn if I wasn’t looking forward to it, too.

“I read about a bed and breakfast near Mendocino that overlooks the ocean. The shower stall has an uninterrupted view of the Pacific, and they leave breakfast at your door each morning. You never have to leave the room if you don’t want.”

With a gruff voice, he said, “Book it,” and I wondered if, like me, he was picturing pressing me up against that glass wall as he entered me from behind.

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