Page 26 of Ashes to Ashes

in and out of mylife

but you’ve remained a constant …

and you don’t even knowit.

You’ve moved on and so haveI

but the truth is I can’t forgetyou …

and you don’t even knowit.

You told me you hoped I found

what I was lookingfor

but my biggest fear is that Ihad …

but I didn’t even knowit.

When he finished speaking, his eyes found mine and I saw something I’d never seen in another man’s eyes before. Ash looked at me with a raw, naked vulnerability that I knew mirrored myown.

Our eyes locked and held for what felt like a lifetime, and then my breathing faltered when he set the paper aside, surged from his chair, and pitched toward me. His right knee hit the sofa at the same time that his left hand speared through my hair, and then his lips crashed onto mine, demanding and urgent. And maybe just a little bit angrytoo.

“You stupid fucking girl,” he snarled against my lips. “All this time wasted—” he nipped at my bottom lip and then sucked it into his mouth “—that we could have been doing this.” He brought his left knee onto the couch and boxed me in with his large, powerful body. “I never stopped thinking about you,” he said, tilting my head and taking our kiss deeper. “Wondering where you were and whether you thought about metoo.”

I broke away to catch my breath. Placing my palms on either side of his face, I held his gaze. “I always thought about you. Always.”

And then I kissed him with the same urgency I’d felt when I’d first written those lyrics, and then again a few hours ago when I’d revisited them. The only reason I’d tossed them aside was because I felt like they didn’t come close to conveying the remorse I suffered each time I thought back on that morning and the way I’d so callously dismissed him, nor the guilt and shame I’d endured once I’d realized Ash was the type of man who could have made me a better woman. Ash would have made me want to be better—for me. I would have wanted to be the Rae Griffin I knew I could be because it would have felt good to be that person around him. He would have liked her. He might even have loved her. But I’d fucked it all up, the way I always did back then and—like he’d just said—it had cost us so much wastedtime.

“I fucked things up,” I admitted, the first time I’d said the words aloud when they should have been my first words tohim.

“Doesn’t matter,” he growled, biting into my neck and then my shoulder. “We’re here now.” He palmed my breast through the cotton of my shirt as I arched into his touch. “And now I’m finally going to fuck you again.”

Ash tugged my shirt over my head, and when he saw I wasn’t wearing a bra, he groaned. “Your tits are so fucking beautiful.” He hefted each globe into his rough, calloused palms and stared at them in wonder before sucking a nipple into his mouth.

I let out a needy sigh when he abraded the sensitive tip with the thick, broad side of his tongue.

“Yeah, just like that. Give me your pleasure … let me hearit.”

“Ash,” I whispered when he sucked tightly, the pull from his mouth wrenching at mycore.

He moved to the other one and gave it the same attention. But this time when he drew back, he captured the engorged bud with his teeth and plucked, my glistening skin going taut as it stretched between us. The sting of his teeth clamped around my tender flesh brought a quick flash of pain before he soothed it with soft, worshipful kisses.

“Please,” I begged, even though I wasn’t sure what I was beggingfor.

“Tell me,” Ash commanded. “Tell me what you need and I’ll give it toyou.”

“I don’t know,” I whispered as he dropped to the floor and kissed his way over my sternum, his tongue tracing the lines of the winged tattoo that hugged my ribcage.

“You do know,” he cajoled. “And all you have to do is sayit.”

“I want you inside of me,” I groaned when his mouth reached the small curve of my abdomen and his tongue dipped into my belly button.

One long finger traced the seam of the denim covering my pussy. Back and forth, torturously slow. “You want my cock in here?” he asked, cupping my mound with his broad palm and rubbing as my hips rocked forward.

“Yes!”

“Yes, what?”

---