Page 22 of Ashes to Ashes

“Pumpkin?” I questioned.

He shrugged. “You were pretty set on it. I figured if it was something you felt so strongly about, that was a good thing.”

“I can’t remember why I picked that,” I admitted, wondering at my strange choice. “What happenednext?”

He smiled wolfishly. “Then I ate your pussy until you came all over my face. I kissed your soaked cunt like I was a dying man, and you were the last woman on earth.”

The cunt in question pulsed, and I knew if I touched myself—if Ash touched me—I’d be wet forhim.

“And then?” I asked breathlessly.

Ash leaned forward and his eyes bored into mine. He licked his lips, as if he could still taste me there. “And then I fuckedyou.”

My eyelids dropped as I willed the memory to the surface. When it didn’t come, I wanted to sob. When I opened my eyes, Ash had scooted to the edge of his seat, our knees practically touching. His eyes flicked between mine and then held for a few beats. “And when you came, screaming my name—a name you didn’t remember the next morning—you told me it’d never been that good, that you’d never come that hard before. You admitted you liked being tied up and told what todo.”

“I did?” I asked, skeptically. That didn’t sound like me at all. If anything, when I’d been sleeping my way across Route 66, I’d been the aggressor, the one calling the shots. I could believe I’d begged Ash to make me feel something I’d been going through life numb. But I had trouble imagining I’d given myself over so completely to a virtual stranger. I’d never even done that withFord.

He nodded. “So, you can imagine why I’m confused about you saying that’s not what youlike.”

Ugh. No wonder Ash was confused. I’d done one thing, and now I was saying another. “What a mess.” I shoved my hands in my hair and tugged at the roots. This was more complicated than I’d thought, and I’d already found it pretty fucking complicated.

I dropped my hands to my knees. “One of the things that I took from rehab was not keeping my thoughts bottled up where they can fester and rot. When I was drunk, I spoke my mind freely. But sober? Well, I haven’t always been great at speaking my mind. When I got out, I promised myself I wasn’t going to be that way anymore.”

At the mention of my stint in rehab, Ash’s eyes dimmed and his face morphed from curious to somber.

“Does that botheryou?”

“What? You speaking your mind? Not atall.”

“Then what it is? You don’t want to hear about my time in rehab,” I asked with a defiant lift of mychin.

While Ash wasn’t the great love of my life, the reality was he was in my life—even if I was paying him to be there. Sooner or later he was going to learn all about my past. He might as well hear it from me instead of reading about it on the Internet.

“It’s not that. I’m just surprised. I thought you might keep dancing around it. It’s not like I don’t know already.”

“Yeah, but it’s one thing to read the woman you want to fuck is a drunk, and a whole other thing to hear her discuss it so easily, isn’tit?”

“It’s not that,” Ash said, but he wouldn’t meet mygaze.

“The funny thing is,” I continued despite the ball of nervousness forming in my stomach. I hadn’t been lying. Sober, I hated talking about this shit. “I would have thought you of all people wouldn’t care. You already know what my crazy lookslike.”

Ash rubbed his hand across his beard again. I’d realized he did that when he was nervous or trying to suss out a situation he wasn’t entirely comfortablewith.

“I don’t give a shit about you going to rehab. We all have our demons,” he finally answered.

“I wouldn’t hold it against you if that’s it and you’re trying to spare my feelings. Not everyone can accept the idea of a woman hitting rock bottom. But if you say it’s not that, I’ll believe you. So, what’s got you bothered?” I notched my head to indicate his hands fisted at his sides.

Ash’s jaw ticked, but before he could open his mouth to answer, the stewardess approached. “Excuse me Ms. Griffin, Mr. Devereaux. The plane will be landing shortly, so I’ll ask you to fasten your seatbelt now for the remainder of the flight. Once we land, the pilot wants you to know we’ll have a long taxi since we’re not heading to the usualwing.”

My eyes flicked to Ash, questioning.

“Just a precaution,” he said, answering my silentplea.

I nodded and turned back to Amy. “Thank you. For everything.” I handed her my empty water so she could take it with her into the galley at the front of the plane. As she passed, she smiled down at Ash, her eyes lingering on his mouth. The look of naked desire on her face was so clear even a blind man wouldn’t have missedit.

I wasn’t a jealous woman. After all, I had no real claim on Ash, but I didn’t relish the idea of discussing not remembering our night together while locked in a flying tin can with someone who could recall exactly how Ash liked to fuck and be fucked. I liked Amy, but I hated her too for knowing for certain what I could only clawat.

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