Page 33 of SCRUMptious

“Say it, Lauren,” he urged, his fingers entering me and stroking the exact spot he knew would make me fall apart.

Unable to hold up under the weight of his scrutiny, my eyes dropped closed, and my head thrashed back and forth as my pussy clamped down on his fingers and I came with a pent up growl of ecstasy.

When I came back down, Donal slid his fingers from my body and sat back, his face a mask of hurt and … something I couldn’t put a name to. Not disappointment so much as regret. “You can’t say it, can you?” He twisted on the sofa, his feet coming to rest on the floor, then dropped his head into his hands.

I scooted close and laid my palm on his shoulder. “I’m—”

I stopped. What was there to say? I hadn’t been able to give him the words he’d wanted. In fact, I’d physically held myself back from blurting them out. The problem was, I wanted to believe him. Hell, I believed he believed what he was saying. But Donal was young, and this wasn’t my first rodeo. Just because he felt this way now—in the heat of the moment while our love was still fresh and new—didn’t mean it could sustain itself.

His hands dropped to his knees, and his head swiveled to face me. Pinning me in place with red-rimmed eyes, he whispered, “You’re what, Lauren?”

“I’m scared,” I answered honestly. “I love you, and you love me … but I’ve been in love before. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with Javier.” Donal winced when I said my former lover’s name. He hadn’t said so explicitly, but I knew he hated this facet of mypast.

“I’m not fucking Javier,” he growled.

I sat back on my haunches. “I know that.” When he tossed a skeptical look my way, I repeated myself. “I know that, Donal. You’re a thousand times the man he is.” I flattened my palm across my belly, where my surgery scars hid beneath my clothes. “But these aren’t the only scars I bear from that time of my life.” I placed my other hand over my heart. “They live heretoo.”

Donal swung around on the sofa and rested his back against the arm. “I fucking hate what he did to you, but …”

“But?”

He leveled me with his gaze. “But I can’t keep doingthis.”

I sucked in a quick gasp. “Doing what?” I asked, my voice small and tremulous.

Donal ran a hand through his hair. “Needing more, all the while knowing you might not be able to give me that.” He flattened his palms on his thighs and pushed awkwardly to his feet. Staring down at me, he continued, “I love you Lauren, and I want to be with you. But I need you to want thattoo.”

“I do!” I cried, pushing up onto my knees. “I want to be with you all the goddamned time! I’m staying in Ireland an extra week instead of going home to my disabled mother so that I can have more time withyou!”

“That’s one week,” he pointedout.

“I asked you to come to L.A. with me,” I arguedback.

His lips flattened into a rigid line of annoyance. “You asked me to come for a visit. I told you I’d move there foryou.”

“And I told you that’s what I wanted!” I hollered, fisting my hands at my sides.

Why was he doing this to me? To us. Things had been so perfect until he’d pushed me to acknowledge that this could be more. That he could give me the forever I’d always thought was out of reach.

He scrubbed a hand over his face, down over his jaw and then dropped it to his side. “But it’s not. Not really.”

“It is!” I surged to my feet to stand in front of him. “Don’t do this,” I begged.

Donal took a step back. It was only a few inches, but it felt like a million miles. “I offered you forever, and you offered me silence in return.” He walked around the coffee table toward my front door where he his car keys and wallet were sitting in a basket. “I’m going to head home before one of us says something we’ll regret later.”

“I have no regrets where you’re concerned,” I told him, hoping he heard the truth of my statement in the strength of my voice.

“Maybe,” was his answer as he twisted the doorknob in his large hand. Turning to look at me over his shoulder, he added, “I’ll call you later.”

And then he walked out of my apartment, taking all his warmth and love withhim.

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