Page 87 of Ruck Me

Declan: Have fun and be safe. Don’t do anything I woulddo.

Aoife: Never!

Aoife: Talk to you later big brother.

Taxiing to our gate, I read Eoin’s message, my heart constricting in my chest.

Eoin: I hope you have fun with Brienne. You deserve it. You’ve been working so hard lately and I’m so proud of everything you’ve accomplished.

I’d told myself a million and one times that I was doing the right thing, that keeping this from him didn’t make me a bad person. And yet, no matter how many times I repeated this mantra, I couldn’t help but think I was the worst person in the world. And yet I couldn’t help but also think I was doing us a huge favor, sparing him from the same stress and tumult I experienced. Or maybe that was just my subconscious trying to justify my actions. Either way, I’d come this far and didn’t think there was any going back from the choices I’d made. Maybe one day I’d tell him the real reason I’d gone to London … but then again, maybe not. Maybe he never had to know. Maybe this would be my cross to bear for the rest of my life. I could do that for him. Forus.

Eoin: Can’t say I’m not jealous though that you’ll be with her instead of me. Let’s go away for the weekend at the end of the month. No responsibilities or deadlines, no practice or matches to worry about. Just you, me, and a big bed for two gloriousdays.

Eoin: I don’t care where, just so long as you’re withme.

Forcing myself not to read the rest of his messages until I checked into the hotel, I shoved my phone in my purse and reached up into the overhead compartment to grab my bag. I didn’t think I could see those sweet, loving words, and not lose my shit in public.

After hopping in a taxi that had taken me to the wrong hotel on the other side of town, I’d finally made it to my room in the West End. My stomach was roiling and my head was pounding, but I was here. And I was miserable. I’d told myself I wasn’t going to read Eoin’s messages, but I was weak and I’d caved in the backseat of thecab.

Now, I reread them, my eyes filling with tears.

Eoin: Sometimes I look back on the last several months and I can’t believe how quickly it’s flownby.

Eoin: A contradiction, Iknow.

Eoin: Maybe it’s because we’ve known each other our whole lives, but I’m laying here in bed thinking about you, and I can’t believe we haven’t been together forever.

Eoin: I should probably wait to say these things in person, but the keyboard has me feeling brave. That and the three shots of tequila Tadhg made medo.

Eoin: I love you Aoife. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Someday I’m going to ask you to marry me and you’re going to sayyes.

Eoin: And when we’re older, you’re going to have my babies. Two of them. A beautiful little blonde who keeps me on her toes (just like her mother), and a bad ass little fucker who’ll be unstoppable on the pitch (just like his father).

My hand fell to my stomach, the roundness more pronounced then it’d been even a week ago. Until recently, my stomach had remained relatively flat, but I’d started to show, a tiny little bump filling out my clothes. That’s what had made the timing of this trip so important. I’d somehow gotten away with it by claiming I’d eaten a big lunch or dinner (tip: always blame burritos) but he’d started harassing me about needing to up my cardio game, even though Eoin seemed to like my new curves well enough. My poor stupid boy hadn’t had the first clue where they’d really comefrom.

Eoin: I mean it Aoife. You’re it forme.

Eoin: Hey, you there? You should have landed bynow.

Eoin: I didn’t scare you off, didI?

Eoin: Please answerme.

Eoin: Are you okay? Fuck Aoife, you’re scaringme.

Eoin: I checked FlightTracker and I know you landed. Please let me know you’re okay. I tried calling but your phone went straight to voicemail.

Eoin: I’m freaking the fuck out Aoife.

Eoin: Fuck, fuck, fuck! I don’t even know the name of your hotel.

His last text had come in over 30 minutes ago. I hated that I’d made him panic, but after reading his messages, I couldn’t call him back. Notyet.

And when we’re older, you’re going to have my babies.

When we were older—not when we were 21 and22.

Not now, but maybe someday.

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