Page 57 of Ruck Me

I set my cheek against the expanse of his chest. “It's always been there, but I was afraid to ask for it because I knew it’d be a fight and I figured living at home for another year would just be easier.”

“You know that’s stupid, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” I sighed.

“No, Aoife, I mean it.” He nudged me away. “This whole thing started because you thought you couldn’t live like a regular 21-year-old, and all this time you could havebeen.”

“Don’t judge me,” I snapped, pushing against him to create even more space between us. “It was a stupid idea. I know thatnow.”

“Not just the Kevin thing.”

“You wouldn’t understand. Not with your perfect little family.”I tried scooting off the bed to get dressed, but he pulled meback.

“Oh no, you don’t.”

“Let mego.”

“Nope. Not until we hash thisout.”

“I want to leave.”

“You just don’t want to have this conversation. That’s not the same thing.”

I huffed but gave up my struggle. I hated it when I was wrong. When Eoin laughed over my capitulation, I tried to kick him, but he was too fast and strong. Rolling me onto my back, he pinned my arms over my head. “You hate it when I’m right.”

“I hate you,” I answered, not really meaningit.

“No, you don’t,” came his quick reply as he dropped a kiss to the tip of my nose. “You loveme.”

I sucked in a startled gasp, and Eoin’s eyes flashed with uncertainty.

“You know what Imean.”

I nodded. I did know what he meant, but with the words out there—hanging between us—it had me thinking things that were too soon to be thinking, and that made me panic.

Eoin rushed to move the subject back to safer, steadier ground. “Why didn’t you move out beforenow?”

“I don’t know,” I answered evasively, looking away so he couldn’t see the tumult in mygaze.

The truth was, I did know, but I didn’t feel comfortable admitting the reason. Hell, I’d barely gotten used to the idea myself and having to admit it out loud would be too humiliating.

While my mom could be maddening, the idea of leaving home had been too terrifying. I’d gotten used to the role I played in our family and had only recently realized that I didn’t really know who I was outside of it. Eoin might think I was carefree and brave, but I wasn’t. Not really. I was petrified to figure out who I was when you stripped away Declan’s celebrity and my mam’s neurosis. Of learning who Aoife O’Shaughnessy actually was. But being back with Eoin had pushed me to do a lot of soul-searching, which was how I’d come to that startling realization in the first place. Knowing that I'd been hiding behind my family hadn't been my proudest moment.

“It’s scary, the first time you leave home,” he said, understanding my predicament without me having to give voice to it. Letting go of my wrists, he dropped to his side and continued summing up my thoughts. “You’re suddenly an adult who has to make scary decisions that have real-world consequences … like whether you buy beer or pizza because you can only afford the one,” he added, lightening themood.

“Yeah, because that’s my biggest worry,” I answered, a smile tugging at my lips. Stroking my hands over the ridges of Eoin's perfectly sculpted abs, I added, “And I’m pretty sure you don’t eat pizza.”

“Not anymore,” he agreed, capturing my fingers and bringing them to his lips. Without letting go of my hand, he draped my arm across his middle, and I snuggled in closer. Eoin tilted his head to take in the digital alarm clock next to his bed. “We really should try to get some sleep.”

“But—”

“Sleep, Aoife. I have to be out the door atsix.”

“Shit, sorry.”

“It’s okay, baby,” he said, wrapping me in his arms and linking our legs as I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent.

Before I knew it, I was sleeping the sleep of the dead and dreaming of Eoin and me growing old together … and in those dreams, I didn’t even panic.

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