Page 50 of Ruck Me

“Sucks to be you,” he said, jumping down from his perch and opening the fridge. Pulling another beer out, he turned to the rest of us. “Don’t worry. We won’t say a word to Declan.” He glared at Ferg and Tadhg until they agreed with a collective shake of their heads. “And Aoife’s welcome here anytime.”

I nodded, relieved to know these guys had my back, as Donal glanced down at his watch. “I hate to break up the party, but I have to roll,” he said before chugging the entire contents of the can in one long swallow.

My eyes catching Donal's, I asked, “You still want company?”

He stared at me for a quick beat. “Yeah, all right,” he answered, tossing his bottle in the garbage as he exited.

I grabbed my wallet and keys and followed him out the door. Now that he knew that I knew his dirty little secret, I hoped he’d discuss it with me. The decision not to have sex didn’t make sense to me, but if someone like Donal had remained a virgin, maybe he could help me understand. Not that I begrudged either of them their choices, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t confusing ashell.

Aoife had explained she’d never felt that special spark before, which baffled me. I’d lived in a perpetual state of horny since I was 13 years old; wanting to relieve that constant ache was as natural to me as breathing. Since I wasn’t a girl, I’d always assumed things like that were just different. But with Donal holding off this long, I wondered if he’d be able to explain it in a way that I could finally grasp. Because in the weeks I’d gone without having sex, Tadhg was right. I was dying.

* * *

“So, now you know,”Donal said, flipping the collar of his coat up to protect his neck from the cold as we walked down the street toward our favoritepub.

“Now I know,” I agreed. “Can’t say I’m not surprised though.”

He let out a disgusted snort. “Not exactly something I want to go around advertising.”

“No, I imaginenot.”

Before I could ask why he let us think he’d been fucking every girl who crossed his path, Donal asked, “Have you always known about Aoife?”

“Hadn’t a clue until a couple of months ago. That was part of how we got together in the first place.”

“Yeah?” he asked, his voice hopeful. “It didn’t put you offher?”

I laughed, remembering how I’d reacted when I’d heard her whispering to Tanya. “At first I was shocked. I mean, you’ve seen her. I won’t let Tadhg say it, but Aoife’s fucking gorgeous. I’ve always thought so, but in an abstract sort of way. Maybe because we’ve known each other our whole lives, but I’d never thought about her and sex in the same breath, much less with me. I don’t know,” I shrugged. “But then I overheard her telling Tanya she wanted to give it up to a guy from back home who raped a girl I know and I panicked. Like, a full out-of-body experience panicked. Before I knew what I was doing, I volunteered to do it for her. I think my exact words were, ‘What aboutme?’”

Donal laughed. “You didn’t.”

“Oh, I did. And then once I pictured having sex with her, a switch just flipped and it was all I could think about. She turned me down, of course. Said it would be weird. I tried convincing her to change her mind, but then we came up with this stupid deal where I’d teach her what guys liked so when she found someone she actually liked, she’d know what todo.”

“So you guys have done stuff. I wasn’t sure by how you responded earlier.”

“Not as much as you’d think,” I clarified, pulling the door of the pub open. “The usual?” I asked as he made his way toward a table in theback.

“Yeah.”

Five minutes later I joined him in the dimly lit corner with two dark beers inhand.

“So,” he said, twirling his glass. “You haven’t fucked and Aoife hasn’t given you a blow job yet. What have youdone?”

“We’ve kissed and stuff, but that’s about it. I want to fuck her—I’m not going to lie—but I can wait. She says she’s ready, but if I'm honest, I don’t think Iam.”

“Why’s that?” he asked, setting his glass back on the table.

“Don’t get me wrong. I miss sex and I’m getting damn tired of jacking off, but this whole thing with Declan bothers me more than I thought it would. It’s almost like she’s ashamed of me or something and it pisses me off. She’s my girlfriend and I can’t even tell anyone. You guys are the only people whoknow.”

“That’s fucked up, man.”

“Yeah, tell me about it,” I agreed. “Speaking of fucked up, what’s your story?” Donal bristled at my choice of words and I rushed to clarify. “Shit. I didn’t mean you’re fucked up or there’s something wrong with you. I just meant that it’s shitty you’ve had to keep this secret. Trust me, I know about secrets and theysuck.”

Donal ran his hand through his hair and let out a frustrated sigh. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

“At the beginning, I suppose.”

Staring intently at the glass in his hands, Donal spun it round and round. “You know about my dad, yeah?”

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