Page 40 of Ruck Me

“I’m not putting you through anything, Eoin. I’m here, aren’tI?”

“Yeah,” I answered. “And you’re pissed because I didn’t tell you we’d be alone all night.”

“Of course I’m pissed!” She crawled off the sofa to stand in front of me. “If you had just said, ‘The guys are gone for the night,’ I would have peeled out of that goddamn parking lot before you could even finish your sentence. But no! You had to go and trickme.”

“I didn’t trick you,” I argued. “I made you choose, okay?”

Aoife rocked back on her heels. “Choose?”

“Yes, goddamnit,” I growled. “Your brother’s feelings ormine.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Isit?”

“Of course it is,” she whispered, her gaze dropping.

“It’s not ridiculous. Every time I push for more, you pull back. I get why with the physical stuff, but goddamnit, it kills me when you treat me like some dirty little secret. We’ve been friends since we were born. It shouldn’t be some big fucking scandal we’re more than that now, but you’ve made it into one. I’d love to tell the world you’re my girl, but I can’t.”

“I told you I was sorry,” she whispered.

“I know you are, but being sorry isn’t enough. If we’re going to do this—if you’re going to be my girl for real—I need to be the man in your life, not your brother.”

“You don’t get it, Eoin. I owe Declan everything.”

“I get why you think that,” I answered, holding her hand in mine, “but why should you sacrifice your happiness for Declan? What’s more, do you really think he wants you to? If you told him we’re together, do you honestly believe he’d say he wasn’t okay withit?”

Aoife’s head bobbed up and down. “Yes, he would.”

I let out an exasperated sigh and took a step back. Dropping Aoife’s hands, I said, “I can’t keep having this conversation with you. I like you, but I like me too, and I’m tired of feeling like shit when we’re together.”

Aoife’s eyes pooled with unshed tears. “I’m not trying to be difficult, Eoin, I promise. But Declan was very specific aboutthis.”

I scoffed. “Yes, we’ve all gotten the ‘stay away from my baby sister’ speech.”

“No,” she said, stepping closer and putting out her hand as if to touch me, but then dropping it to rest against her thigh at the last second. “You, specifically, are off limits. Declan didn’t just give you guys the speech. I got it too, at the beginning of the season. He said to me—and I quote—‘I know you and Eoin have been friends since you were still in nappies, but he’s not the same kid you grew up with. He’s as bad as me, Fi. If he comes on to you, shut that shitdown.’”

“What the fuck?” I bit out. “And you’re just now tellingme?”

“What was I supposed tosay?”

“Um, I don’t know. How about something like, ‘My brother told me I’m not allowed to go out with you,’ so I could tell him to mind his own fucking business?”

“I would have, but I didn’t think this was going to go anywhere!” she cried, her voice rising as her frustration mounted.

“I asked you to be my goddamn girlfriend. How is that not going anywhere?”

“I don’t know!” she shouted, flinging her hands out in front ofher.

“Not good enough, Aoife. Answer the fucking question.”

“Fine!” When I said we should wait, I was worried you’d get bored of me. I thought you’d do exactly what Declan warned me about, so I made sure not to let you get too close.” Her voice dropped, and a tear slid down her cheek. “I don’t want to be just another notch on your bedpost, Eoin. I refuse to be that girl until I know you’re not thatguy.”

Her words flayed me, a pain I felt deep in my gut. You could say a lot of things about me—and clearly, Declan had—but I’d never treated a woman that way. Sure, I’d fucked a lot of girls, but they’d always known the score. I never messed with anyone looking for a relationship, and because of that, I was still friendly with almost everyone I’d been with. Not like her brother—the guy who fucked women in dirty bathrooms and garbage-strewn alleys before walking away, tucking his dick back into his pants before they could even pull their dressesdown.

I took a step back and then another. “What is wrong with you? I’ve treated you like a fucking princess, and all you've done is string me along."

With a sad shake of my head, I collapsed into an empty chair. With my eyes trained on a fading water stain on the ceiling, I was dimly aware that she’d started crying and had been apologizing over and over again for the last few seconds.

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