Page 82 of Ruck Me

“I had no shame,” she laughed again and this time it sounded real. “It was about that time I set my sights on Aidan and he was more than happy to oblige.”

“Wait, don’t they have a rule about not fucking another man’s girl? If you were hooking up with Padraig, wouldn’t they have stayed away fromyou?”

Tanya shook her head. “That’s for girlfriends and wives only; I was just a fuck buddy. We’re freegame.”

Peripherally, I’d been around these guys for years, watching Declan go from an unblooded newbie to one of their ringleaders. I knew the kind of man my brother had been before Sophie, but it still amazed me that people could be so blasé about sex. I didn’t consider myself a prude, but the sex Eoin and I had was so emotional, I couldn’t fathom how casual sex could be so … casual.

“So what happened?” I asked, pushing my judgment aside. Different folks for different strokes and allthat.

“There was a party at the end of the season and Aidan and I stopped in before we were supposed to head to his place. Unfortunately, we never made it.” Tanya drained her glass, picked up the other one and started drinking from it. When it was half empty, she set it aside and wiped the back of her hand across her mouth.

“I went upstairs to use the toilet and when I was coming back down the stairs, I ran into Tama Mahaka.”

“Tama?” The name sounded familiar but I wasn’t immediately able to placeit.

“He was an NIQ player got sent back to the islands.”

“Ah, that’s right. There was some scandal, but I was too young to notice really, and Declan never said what happened.”

Tanya downed the rest of her wine and suddenly I understood.

“He blocked my path, saying he wanted to have a chat. I didn’t think anything of it, but when someone else tried to come up the stairs, he told them to get lost. He said some other things that, coming from anyone else, I would have laughed at, but for some strange reason I knew he wasn’t joking. He had this look in his eyes that frightenedme.”

Tanya’s voice turned flat and she stared off into space, almost as if she was back in that house, on those stairs, re-living each moment of that horrible night. “Tama was huge. I tried to push by, but he wouldn’t let me. I told him I was there with Aidan, thinking he’d let me go, but that only made things worse. He said Aidan would get his turn, but he was going first.”

Blinking away the memory, Tanya looked my way. “I’ll spare you the details, but he dragged me into a room and raped me. We passed two guys coming out of a room, and even though I begged them to help, they took one look at Tama and decided I wasn’t worth the effort.”

With tears streaming down my face, I scooted along the sofa and wrapped my arms around her, just like she’d done for me earlier. “I’m so sorry. So fucking sorry.”

We stayed hugging for several long moments, until she finally sniffled and eased out of my embrace. “Aidan was the one who foundus.”

“Oh myGod.”

“He went looking for me, thinking I’d ditched him for someone else. You can imagine his reaction when he saw Tama climbing off me with a smirk. When he saw Aidan, he said something like, ‘Your turn.’ Aidan turned to me with a disgusted look on his face, like I was some no good whore, but then he saw my mascara running down my face and my lip bustedopen.

“Aidan beat him to within an inch of his life.” She smiled grimly. “He’s not a big man—tiny, by comparison—but he had Tama cowering on the floor, crying for his mam backhome.

“Aidan was able to sneak me out of the house to his car. He tried to get me to go to the hospital or call the guards, but I refused. Who would believe me? Everyone knew my reputation.

“In the end, he took me back to his place and let me sleep there. You’d think I wouldn’t have wanted to be touched by a man after what had just happened, but Aidan held me as I cried myself to sleep, promising to make things right. Tama was on a plane out of Dublin three days later.

“Aidan blames himself and hasn’t stopped trying to make it up to me.” She shrugged. “He’s my best friend. I don’t know what I’d do withouthim.”

She went to take another drink but noticed her glass was empty. Glancing down at my bowl, she asked if I wanted another serving. I shook my head, my stomach tied up in knots over everything she’d revealed.

“Suit yourself. I’m having more.” Standing at the counter, she opened the second bottle and poured herself a full glass. “I love him, youknow.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I know. Does Aidan though?”

“Oh, he knows. I got drunk a couple of years ago and toldhim.”

How fucking tragic.

“He loves you too, youknow?”

Her lips folded into a flat line and she shook her head. “No. He feels guilty. There’s a difference.”

“I don’t think so,” I said, perching on the edge of the stool she’d occupied earlier in the evening.

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