Page 76 of Ruck Me

“It will,” she answered, dragging me to the elevator bank at the end of ourrow.

* * *

“This can’t be happening,” I croaked, staring down at the white stick in my hand while Brienne sat on the edge of the tub in my bathroom. When the two blue lines appeared, I looked up to find her staring at the test as well. “What am I going todo?”

Brienne slapped her palms on her thighs and stood. “You could go to London. I know a place.”

“How?” I asked, thinking maybe I didn’t want to know the answer.

“I was raped when I was 19. No way was I having that baby,” she said matter-of-factly, as if that wasn’t the most horrible thing a woman could endure.

“But this is different. Eoin’s my boyfriend.”

“True,” she agreed, dropping to a squat in front of me. Taking the stick from my hands, she set it on the vanity. “And nottrue.”

“What do youmean?”

“I was pregnant and didn’t want to be. You’re pregnant and don’t want to be. In the end, we both had babies in our bellies that shouldn’t have been there.”

“We should have used condoms,” I said unnecessarily.

“Yes, you shouldhave.”

I raised teary eyes to hers. “I didn’t think we needed to. I was on birth control.”

“Which can have a 10 percent failurerate.”

I dropped my head forward as the tears I’d been holding back snaked down my face and splashed onto my thighs. “I am the unluckiest person I know,” I said before realizing how insensitive that sounded. My head shot up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t meanthat.”

Yes, I was pregnant and that sucked big old donkey balls, but at least I’d gotten knocked up by my boyfriend, a man who loved me. Brienne’s experience had been infinitely worse.

“I know what you meant,” she said, brushing my concern aside. “But I’m serious Aoife. You don’t have to have this baby. I can go with you if youwant.”

It was scary enough that I was pregnant, but the idea of having an abortion was terrifying. I knew it was safe and I’d always been pro-choice, but that had always been in theory. Now that it had happened to me, I didn’t know what I felt. And then there was Eoin. The last thing he needed right now was to be tied down with a baby. He liked to play it down, but he was a star. I just knew one day he’d go down in the books as one of Ireland’s greatest rugby playersever.

But rugby wasn’t the only thing Eoin excelled at. He was a decent, honorable man too, and if I decided to keep the baby, he’d put me before his career, potentially missing out on his chance for greatness. I didn’t have any great prospects myself—monitoring athletes’ social media accounts to identify sponsorship opportunities wasn’t exactly world changing—but I couldn’t let him give up his dream forme.

“Thank you—truly—but I couldn’t ask that of you,” I told Brienne.

“But you’ll think about it?” she asked, her eyes flicking betweenmine.

I nodded. “Yeah, I’ll think about it,” I answered sadly and we both fell quiet.

Eventually, she asked, “Will you tellEoin?”

“I don’t know. I should.” I searched my friend’s face, hoping for guidance. I was so lost and confused that I didn’t have it in me to make any decisions right now, much less life-alteringones.

“I can’t tell you what to do, only what I would do if I were in your shoes.”

“Tell me,” I begged.

She looked away. “Do you loveEoin?”

“Yes,” I replied without hesitation.

“And you want him to keep lovingyou?”

“Of course.”

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