Page 58 of Ruck Me

Chapter17

AOIFE

I surveyedthe room I’d slept in almost every night of my life, noting that not much had changed over the years. Sure, I’d taken down my One Direction and Justin Bieber posters, but the walls were the same pale pink they’d been since before my dad had died, and I still slept on the same lumpy mattress I’d had since I was12.

The first thing I planned on doing when I moved in with Ainsley and Clodagh was to buy a new, bigger bed. It would be an indulgence, but one that was worth it—especially if Eoin started staying the night.

Which was all the encouragement I needed to break the news to my mam that I’d be leaving home in just a few short weeks.

“You got a second?” I asked, pulling out a chair across the table fromher.

“Just barely,” she replied without looking up from her paper, her lips moving as sheread.

Dressed in her slippers and house coat, I couldn’t see what was so pressing that she couldn’t spare more than a few moments for me, but I’d grown used to this sort of thing over the years. It wasn’t that she was neglectful so much as I just wasn’t a priority.

Finally, she folded the paper and set it aside. “Now, what can I do for youdear?”

I laced my fingers together on the table in front of me and took a deep breath, readying myself for the speech I’d been practicing in my mirror for the past hour. “I’m moving out after Christmas,” I said without preamble, all my carefully rehearsed statements deserting me in my moment ofneed.

“Don’t be daft,” she replied immediately, scooting back from the table. “You can’t afford to moveout.”

I’d hoped that wouldn’t be her first objection because I hated the idea of begging for money that was rightfully mine, but at least I’d prepared for the possibility. “I can if you give me access to dad’s life insurance,” I answered, tracking her path across the kitchen.

At the sink, she sucked in a gasp but wouldn’t face me. Instead, she turned on the water and let it run for a few moments to get hot. I waited for her to reply, knowing that if I spoke first, she’d somehow find a way to use whatever I said against me. Eventually, she turned off the tap and set her mug on the rack to dry. When she couldn’t avoid it any longer, she faced me with arms crossed over her ample chest. “That money is for emergenciesonly.”

“Ma, this is an emergency. I have to be in Dublin five days a week. I can’t commute every day. It’s toomuch.”

“It’s fine for Moira’sgirl.”

“Sheena goes to beauty school 20 minutes away, two days a week. That's hardly the same thing.”

She looked away, refusing to concede my point. “I’ll have to ask Declan what he thinks.”

I bit back a scream. Through clenched teeth, I said, “This isn’t yours or Declan’s decision. That money is mine. All I need is for you to release it from the trust—something you were supposed to do on my 21st birthday. But you ignored it, just like you did with my20th.”

“I have never once ignored your birthday.”

“Yes, you have! Last year when Declan was playing in Paris, instead of staying home with me, you went to the match. You didn’t even wish me a happy birthday until six days later.”

“I did no such thing,” she huffed.

And that was when I completely and utterly lost myshit.

“You did!” I screamed, pushing back from the table and stalking across the kitchen. “You always do! You always have. You’ve ignored me my whole fucking life, and I’m sick to death of it. I’m moving out whether you like it or not. You can give me the money daddy set aside in his will or I can find a lawyer who’ll makeyou.”

“Don’t you dare speak to me that way, you ungrateful child! After all I’ve given up for you and all your brother has done for this family!”

My chest heaved, my heart feeling like it was going to explode out of my chest. I’d never spoken to my mother this way before but the complete denial of how she'd treated me, her re-writing of history, was the last straw.

I shook my head and laughed. There was no point in arguing. Declan was perfect in her eyes, and nothing I said would ever change that--not even the truth. I grabbed my coat and headed for the door. Before exiting, I turned to her one last time. “I hope you’ll be happy when I’mgone.”

* * *

I might have givenmy mother shit for how much she relied on Declan, but the truth was, he was all I had in this world too. So when I drove out of Ballycurra with tears streaming down my face, I went straight to his place.

Banging on the door with my fist, I marched right in when he answered. “I’m staying with you until I can move into my apartment nextweek.”

“Well, hello to you too,” he answered, shutting the door and trailing behind me. “Why aren’t you at home hiding upstairs from Colleen?”

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