Page 33 of Ruck Me

I snorted. “Yeah, no.”

“I’m serious.”

“So amI.”

We stared at each other—my eyes wide with skepticism, his narrowed in calculated assessment—in a silent faceoff.

“I’ll admit,” he finally said, “it’s not immediately obvious.”

I snorted again. “Um, thanks?”

“No, I mean your beauty kind of sneaks up on people. On me,” he stressed. “You have to know I think you’re stunning. Even with all that crazy pink hair,” he joked while gesturing at the rat’s nest on top of my head. After the career fair, I’d forced it into a messy top knot that was held in place by a bright purple pen. His voice growing serious, he added, “I just don’t know why you can’t see ittoo.”

I shrugged, my cheeks heating. “Why are we talking about this again?”

Eoin smiled before taking another sip of his wine. “You were saying something about how guys don’t find you desirable and I needed to set you straight.”

“Right,” I said for the second time in a couple of minutes, all trace of eloquence longgone.

“And you were saying that’s why you were still a virgin.”

I groaned. “What I meant was that I’m not the girl guys lose their shit over. I’ve gone on a lot of dates, but there’s just no spark. It’s not that they’re bad guys, but I can tell when they’d rather be somewhereelse.”

“Howso?”

“Well, they look at their phones a lot, checking the time. Or they tune out while I’m talking. Or, I don’t know, they check out other girls.”

“What kind of assholes have you been going outwith?”

“I dunno. Just guys. From school or friends of friends, that sort of thing.” In a fit of self-consciousness, I took down my hair and then put it up again in a tidierbun.

“Look,” he said, grasping my hand. “I said this before, but I’ll repeat it since it obviously didn’t sink in before. Any guy who gets to put his hands on you is one lucky son of a bitch.” Eoin ran his thumb over my knuckles and our eyes held for several long seconds while I let his words sink in. “This whole thing took me by surprise. That’s what I meant when I said you snuck up on me. That night at the pub—when I offered to be the one—I wasn’t really thinking about the long-term ramifications. But that first kiss? It changed everything.”

“It did?” I asked, my voice squeaking.

Eoin leaned across the table and his hand cupped my cheek. “It did.” His eyes flicked between mine. “Tell me it was the same for you. Tell me that’s why you wanted to meet tonight.”

Stunned at his words, I couldn’t find my voice so I nodded instead. Then, marshaling my courage I told him why I’d tried to push him away before. “I’m scared. What if this doesn’t work out and I lose your friendship?”

Eoin dropped back into his chair, his face hard and determined. I knew that look. It was the one he wore when he took to the pitch, right before kickoff.

“I don’t want to lie to you. Given our ages, the likelihood is it won’t work out in the long run, but is that a good enough reason not to eventry?”

“That’s easy for you to say,” I answered with a churlish pout. “You’ve done this before. I’ve literally never been in a relationship.”

“Come on Aoife, don’t be scared. Not withme.”

I looked away. “I can’t help it. It’s how Ifeel.”

Eoin sighed and when I brought my eyes back around he was running his hand through his hair. “So where does that leaveus?”

I took a deep breath and asked myself the same question. I’d come here tonight to say I wanted to give us a shot. But the second he’d pointed out we’d probably just break up, all my fears came rushing back. Which was ridiculous since I wasn’t looking for a long-term relationship anyhow. And yet, hearing him say we were doomed from the start set me to worrying because Eoin wasn’t just some guy I could walk away from. Our lives were intrinsically linked.

But he was right. Fear of the unknown wasn’t a good enough excuse not to see where this might lead, how good it could be between us. If I never took a chance, I’d never know what it was like to be cherished and adored by him. I’d continue going on lackluster, uninspiring dates until I grew into an embittered old maid with ten evilcats.

Pulling on my big girl panties, I made a decision. I might live to regret it, but at least I’d know that I’d lived a little. That I’d grabbed ahold of something I wanted and held on with all my might. “I think that leaves me asking what you want to do on our seconddate.”

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