Page 105 of Ruck Me

Chapter34

EOIN

Aoife’s pregnant with my baby. I’m going to be a fucking father. I’m 22, and I’m going to be someone’s father.

I’d been sitting at my desk, clicking on every website I could find that talked about pregnancy from a man’s point of view. With each new article, I realized I was not prepared for what was coming.

Starting with the obvious—I wasn’t on good terms with the mother of my child. It had been three days since Declan knocked me upside the head—both literally and figuratively—and I still hadn’t found the balls to speak with Aoife.

I knew I needed to apologize. I’d said some pretty unforgivable things the last time I saw her, things I was ashamed to have spoken aloud to others aswell.

The problem was, I was still angry. I’d tried putting myself in Aoife's shoes--tried empathizing with her decision--but it was hard. Harder than anything I'd ever done before. I knew why she’d felt she had to lie, but I didn’t think I’d ever come to terms with how it impacted our relationship.

Because sitting here now, I honestly believed we could have grown closer throughout this whole ordeal instead of letting it tear us apart. I knew in my heart that if Aoife and I had sat down together and had a mature, adult conversation about this, despite my reservations, I would have gone with her. And when it was all over, I would have held her in my arms while we both mourned theloss.

But now I mourned the loss of my innocence instead. I no longer felt young and carefree--about anything. The wool had been pulled from my eyes, and my youthful naiveté had been shattered, only to be replaced by cynicism and doubt. I’d tried to recapture my youth through whiskey and dancing and flirting, but it only made me feel worse, more hardened. Which I knew was complete and utter bullshit, but some things you just had to recognize for what they were. The truth was, I’d become a jaded.

Imagine what the past month has been like for Aoife.

I had tried imaging it—more than once—and that’s why I was so conflicted. None of this changed the fact that she’d betrayed me, and at times I found myself feeling bitter that I was expected to pretend as if that had never happened. As if I was supposed to magically push my heartache aside and focus on hers instead.

Which was where the conflict camein.

Because I absolutely, one hundred percent knew that was the right thing to do—the only thing to do—but I was young and selfish and needed to be able to wallow for just a little while longer. I was only 22 afterall.

* * *

The door swung open,and the person standing on the other side was not happy to see me. I could tell because she looked at me like I was a giant pile of dog shit she’d just stepped in and instead of trying to salvage her fancy fucking shoes, she was just going to throw them away. That’s how low I’d sunk in hereyes.

“What do youwant?”

I gripped the back of my neck, felt the heat there and knew my face reflected my embarrassment. “Hey Clodagh, is Aoife around?”

She stared at me with such contempt that for a brief moment I considered walking back to my car and driving away. Aoife and I needed to talk, and soon, but we didn’t need to do it when her roommates were home, possibly eavesdropping. And since I was certain there was no way she was coming to my house, this was the only way I knew how to make that happen.

“You know what Eoin McGrath? You’re a hapless fucking eejit.” Her hand gripped the door as if she was about to slam it in myface.

“Wait,” I said, before she could shut me out, “I need to talk to Aoife.”

“Damn right you do,” she answered, her foot tapping out an angrybeat.

I waited several seconds for her to step aside and let me in. She didn’t.

“Well?”

“Well, what?” she shot back, her eyebrow raised in disdain.

“Are you going to let mein?”

Clodagh threw back her head and laughed uproariously. Coughing into her hand, she stepped aside. As I stormed toward Aoife’s room, I heard her muttering something about what an asshole I was and how something served me right.

Paying her no attention, I reached Aoife’s closed door. Before knocking, I paused and took a deep breath. For hours I’d practiced what I wanted to say since I only had this one chance to get it right. Raising my fist, I pounded against the wood, waiting for her to open the door. Several seconds passed without an answer. I knocked again. “Aoife?” I called, testing the handle. Finding it unlocked, I twisted it and stepped inside.

To an empty fuckingroom.

I roared with frustration and turned, ready to chase down Clodagh to demand she tell me where Aoife was, but she was already there, leaning against the door jamb, a satisfied smirk on herface.

“Where isshe?”

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