Page 20 of The Ties That Bind

Fuck, it should have been obvious that something more was at play than just being a product of my environment when I’d tried to kill myself. Twice.

What a fine fucking pair we made.

Arabella slid next to me and arced her hand in wide circles over my back.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I was just a baby myself, Xander. I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t realize my choices would hurt you.”

I snorted. “I asked you to marry me and you didn’t think I’d be hurt?”

“I …” she paused, and I heard the audible sound of her nervous swallow. “I thought you’d get over it, if I’m being honest. Especially given what I told you yesterday.”

“Yeah, I still don’t know how I feel about that one.”

“I understand if you hate me,” she murmured. “Sometimes I hate me.”

“I don’t hate you,” I assured her, realizing for the first time that the words were true.

My feelings for this woman were all mixed up. I had hated her, for a long fucking time. And I was angry, but at least now I understood where she was coming from. But that didn’t mean I didn’t also love her. In fact, I was pretty sure I’d never stopped, and seeing her yesterday had only driven that point home. Fuck, I was willing to kill for her. Maybe that wasn’t how it worked in the regular world, but that was as huge a declaration as things got in our lives.

Lives I didn’t know how much longer we had to live. I couldn’t go to my death not telling her what I felt.

“The sad thing is,” I said, speaking to the ground, “I think I might still love you.”

When I raised my eyes, she was staring back at me wide-eyed and I couldn’t tell if her expression was one of profound hope or abject horror.

“Don’t worry. I’m not expecting you to say anything. I know nothing can come of it.”

Arabella dropped down between my knees and placed her hands on my thighs. Angling her head to catch my gaze, she said, “There are a million reasons why you’re right, but there’s also one reason why you’re completely wrong. And I think, maybe, it’s the only reason that truly matters.”

I dropped back on my elbows and she leaned closer, sliding her hands around my waist and holding me in a loose embrace. I waited, my heart pounding in my rib cage, for her to give me the words I craved.

“The truth is Xander, you and me? It’s fate. Think about everything that’s happened from the very first moment we met. The heartache, the tears … and yes, even the bloodshed. Through it all, we’ve found ourselves right back where we started. I know now you’re supposed to be a part of my life.”

“And how’s that supposed to work? We’re worse than the goddamn Montagues and the Capulets,” I said, pulling out a line from our old joke about our warring families.

“I told you yesterday, when I’m in charge—completely in charge,” she clarified, “things are going to be different. I’m tired of looking over my shoulder wondering when the Feds are going to show up. Notice I say when, not if. Because it’s really only a matter of time until they take us all down.”

I laughed. “Tell me about it. I said the same thing to Ben yesterday. That’s one of the reasons I need to stop Jayce. He’s so goddamn confident, convinced he’s unstoppable. His ego is going to be the undoing of SJE sooner rather than later.”

“So we change things,” she said with the same sort of confidence I found abhorrent in my twin. “You get rid of him and make things right.”

I snorted. “Yeah? Just like that?”

“Just like that,” she agreed with a smile.

“There’s only one thing wrong with your plan,” I pointed out. “He’s the brains and I’m the brawn. That’s what scares me most about doing this. I don’t know the first thing about running St. John Enterprises. I know how to break kneecaps and hide bodies and the people who are loyal to him are going to seize on that.”

“You need a bodyguard then.”

“Ha! Good one.”

“No, I’m serious,” she said. “Hear me out.”

I gestured for her to continue.

“How well do you know Aleksei Vasilyev?”

“I know him well enough to know you’ve lost your goddamn mind if you think I’m going to have that fucking mad man watching my back. He’d sooner gut me than protect me.”

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