Page 17 of The Ties That Bind

6

If I profane with my unworthiest hand

This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this:

My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand

To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.

ROMEO & JULIET

I openedthe door to my dingy motel room to see Arabella leaning against the jamb, a bag of groceries clutched against her middle and a bottle of Tennessee whiskey held loosely in her free hand. Immediately my mind jumped back to a similar night, a similar motel room. The twinkle in her eye and the shit-eating grin on her face told me she remembered too.

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” she asked, all sweetness and light, an echo of a question posed many moons before.

I shook my head to clear the image of a sixteen-year-old Arabella at the door of a different cheap motel room, far away from the prying eyes of our families, brandishing a pilfered bottle of Jack Daniels and a six pack of Coke.

“By all means,” I said, as she sashayed past.

My memories weren’t painful anymore, but neither were they something I liked to revisit. Especially now when I knew how easy it would be to get lost in her—lost in the heat that had always existed between us—and unable to find my way back to reality. What we were doing now couldn’t last and I didn’t want to get my feelings all mixed up with the love I used to feel and the lust that was coursing through me now.

This isn’t anything, I told myself. It doesn’t have to mean a fucking thing.

“Yeah right,” my subconscious answered back. “You keep telling yourself that. We both know how much this means to you.”

Well, at least one part of my brain knew the score … and it clearly wasn’t the one I thought was in charge.

Trying to keep my voice completely neutral, I said, “I didn’t know if I’d see you after last night.”

With her back to me as she emptied the bag onto the dinged table, I caught the stiffening of her spine and the tension in her shoulders before she rolled them and assumed an easy stance. Without turning, she admitted, “I didn’t know either. I still think this is stupidity personified.” She turned and held the bottle aloft. “Which is why I brought this.”

I laughed. “So because we’re doing something stupid—engaging in completely reckless behavior—you thought we should be even stupider and get drunk?”

“No,” she said, a smile crossing her face. “I thought we should get drunk because I honestly don’t know if I have the courage to go through with this—” her eyes raked over my body “—and I really want to fuck you again Zan.”

God what she did to me. Just hearing those words from her lips and I was hard as stone. I’d barely held myself together when she’d ridden me on the hood of her car the day before. I probably wouldn’t last very long once I had her writhing naked underneath me.

“Remind me again why I let you leave last night without taking care of that.”

She strolled closer, her hips swaying. “Because we needed to talk.” She ran her finger down my sternum until her hand rested just above my belt buckle. Her eyes raised to capture mine. “And I wanted to know that I could do it.”

I swallowed as my dick throbbed in my jeans. “Do what?” I asked, my voice hoarse.

She didn’t hesitate. “Walk away from you.”

I didn’t like where this conversation was going so I tried to turn things light, breezy. I took a step forward and traced my hand down her neck to rest on her shoulder. When her breath caught, I smirked knowingly and asked, “And why would you want to do that, my sweet bell?”

At my use of her old nickname, her eyes flared and her face blanched. “Don’t,” she warned, taking a step back. “We’re not going there.”

I closed my eyes on a sigh. Hadn’t I just told myself the same exact thing? Leave the past in the past where it needs to be, I reminded myself.

“Right,” I said. “I’m sorry.” I took a few steps back and sat on the edge of the bed. “If I told you I lose my mind when I’m around you, would you believe me?”

She peered at me through slanted eyes for a couple of seconds and then nodded. “Yeah, I would … because the same thing happens to me. Every damn time, apparently. Which is why we have to be careful.”

“Agreed,” I said. “Careful.”

“This is what it is and nothing more.”

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