Page 76 of Trying Sophie

Getting angrier by the second, I soldiered on. “I already told you, I don’t know how to have relationships. I’m not wired that way.”

“Declan …” She twisted her hands together again and then slid them up and down her thighs a few times. “I …” She fumbled for words as red blotches bloomed on her neck and chest.

“Spit it out Sophie,” I ordered, pleased by her humiliation since it matched my rejection.

On a deep sigh, she said, “I think you should take me back to Ballycurra now. I’m cold and I’m ready to call it a day.”

“No,” I answered. “You promised I could show you Dublin and that’s what I’m going to do.

Shit. I’d gone too far, pushed her away. I was a fucking gobshite.

And that’s when I was struck with a moment of clarity.

“Holy shit. I think I get it now,” I said, astonishment lacing my words.

“What’s that?” Her question came out a whisper.

It was a miracle she was still speaking to me after the way I’d just treated her. My gut churning with shame, I set my hand on hers but she pulled away, bringing a fresh stab of pain.

“Why you thought I hated you when we were kids,” I stated.

When she looked up at me, her face was a mask of confusion and her eyes were glassy with tears.

“Apparently I haven’t really changed,” I continued. “Back then I didn’t know how to handle my feelings for you, so I acted out.”

Unable to take the hurt in her eyes a moment longer, I dropped my gaze.

“When I just said about how I felt about you—how I’ve always felt—you looked horrified … and … well, it hurt like a bitch. So I did what I always used to do where you were concerned and fought back. I wanted you to hurt too. I’m sorry for that.”

My apology hung between us. When she didn’t respond, I raised my eyes to hers.

“The truth is you drive me mad and I can’t stop thinking about you.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. When she didn’t tell me to shut the fuck up, I pressed my case further.

“I know we’re working on a deadline here Soph, but I’m willing to jump in feet first and see where this takes us.”

I held my breath, watching the play of emotions cross her beautiful face. Surprise. Curiosity. Skepticism. Intrigue. Acceptance. She would make a terrible poker player with how easy it was to read her every reaction.

She took a deep breath and let it out in a long exhale. Standing, she held her hand out to me.

“Come on, then. You promised to show me Dublin.”

I tugged her forward so that she stood between my legs and stared at our entwined hands for a few beats, in awe that I was actually holding hands with Sophie Newport.

“Is that all you have to say?”

“I think we’ve both said all there is to say. I like you, you like me.” She shrugged, as if this in and of itself wasn’t monumental. “I’m leaving in a handful of weeks which works well for you since you’re not the type of guy to commit. But that’s okay too because I’m honestly not sure we’re right for each other in the long term. So let’s just enjoy the time we have together. Have fun while we can.”

Everything about what she’d just said was good. Excellent even. And yet, the way she acknowledged so breezily that this was just temporary did strange things to me. She was saying exactly what I would have wanted to hear from anyone else, but something about her offhandedness struck a nerve. I’d laid my heart bare, said things I’d never said to anyone, and the best I got in return was an offer of a short, meaningless fling? I knew that of the two of us, she was the one making sense, but I wanted her to be as caught up in me as I was in her. I didn’t want logic and reason. I wanted her to feel as if her heart was going to explode out of her chest every time she saw me. I wanted her to count the hours, minutes, and seconds until she was with me. More than anything though, I wanted her to want to stay with me, even if we both knew she wouldn’t. That she couldn’t.

The logical, rational part of me recognized she was just trying to protect herself, which I could understand. Hadn’t I been trying to do the same—albeit terribly—when I’d told her I could never love her?

“You’re thinking too much, Declan,” she chimed.

Damn it. It seemed I was just as much an open book as she.

I smiled up at her and stood, pulling her into me. Wrapping my arms around her in a loose embrace, I chuckled. “Just about all the things I want to do to you. I’ve got a limited amount of time and a very active imagination. I’m trying to figure out where to start.”

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