Page 154 of Trying Sophie

Chapter Forty-Two

Sophie

In a stroke of amazing luck, Katie walked through my bedroom door less than five minutes after I listened to Declan’s voicemail. Amazing because I’d been in the midst of a pretty epic freak out and had no one to talk to since she’d gone and disappeared two days ago. Alright, she hadn’t exactly disappeared. She’d been with Cian, but I wasn’t about to interrupt whatever that was with an SOS.

“What should I do?” I asked, taking my phone from her and sliding it into my pocket.

“The fact that you’re even asking that question is enough to make me want to punch you in the tit,” she responded, as her foot tapped out a furious beat.

“I just …”

I just, what, exactly?

Declan still wanted me. And I wanted him too—so, so much—but I was afraid.

“The fact remains I’m still leaving.” I explained. “If I walk away now, it’ll be a clean break and I can move on. But if I go back to him and something like this happens again … well, I don’t know how to come back from that.”

Katie sighed, a deep dramatic sound, and rolled her eyes. “You’re the smartest person I know but sometimes you can be pretty fucking dumb.”

“That’s not—” I blurted but she interrupted me.

“—I know you’re scared, but you’re going to wonder for the rest of your life what could have been.”

“And if it doesn’t work out, I’ll always wonder where I’d be if I’d walked away when I should have.”

“Would you quit being so cynical?! He could be the great love of your life.”

That’s what worried me.

I’d always thought the phrase “absence makes the heart grow fonder” trite bullshit, but in the days since we’d been apart, my feelings for Declan had grown more all-encompassing. We’d only known each other a couple of months but from the very first time I saw him, I’d felt this spark of electricity between us that had grown stronger with each and every encounter. Things might have progressed quickly, but from the beginning we’d both known this thing between us was something different, something unexpected. Every time I was with him, he made me smile from ear to ear, and when he wasn’t making me smile, he was making me feel emotions I hadn’t known I was capable of. And the sex? Well, I was ruined. He’d made me an addict and Declan O’Shaughnessy was my drug of choice.

“What about the distance though?” I asked jadedly. “I don’t have the best track record when it comes to long distance love affairs.”

I’d wasted a year of my life on Stephen, proof that no matter how much you might love someone, it could all fall apart. Of course he’d had that whole wife and baby thing Declan was blissfully free of, but still. Declan had enough demons to make attempting a long-distance relationship fraught with worry.

“I’m going to say something right now, but before I do I want you to acknowledge that you know I love you and I have your best interests at heart.”

Uh oh. That sounded ominous. And yet true.

“You love me and have my best interests at heart,” I repeated.

“Okay, good.” Standing in front of me, Katie placed her palms on my shoulders and stared. “So here it is. I need you to cut the bullshit. You have proof Declan never cheated on you, you have his sister telling you the man loves you, and you’re still looking for an excuse not to be with him. There is none. Zip, zilch, zero. You’re afraid, and that’s okay. Love is scary. It’s also exciting and wonderful and worth it. If you close yourself off to it, you’re going to wind up a very bitter old woman one day.”

Her words sent me reeling. Is that what she thought I was doing? Worse, was it true? I searched my heart for the answer.

“But I’m leaving,” I whispered, one last ditch attempt to make it stick.

“Which, again, is bullshit,” she answered matter-of-factly, the sting of her words lessened when she embraced me in a tight hug. “You don’t have to go Sophie.”

“I do,” I answered, stepping away, even as I wondered why I felt that way.

She eyed me shrewdly. “Why? Give me one good reason you can’t stay in Dublin?”

“My job, for one.”

“Pshaw.” She batted away my objection. “I was in London for two years and I worked plenty. You don’t have to be tied to the hip with Declan, but there’s no reason you can’t work out of Dublin.”

“But my family is back in the U.S.,” I answered lamely.

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