Page 145 of Trying Sophie

After Katie had fallen asleep, I laid in bed listening to the sounds of her soft snoring and thinking about what both she and Aoife had said. Neither understood how frightened I was though. I’d gotten through Declan’s rejection this time, but if I opened myself up again only to be shut down, I didn’t think I’d recover.

As my mind worked overtime to convince my heart it was a bad idea to venture down that road, my heart gave it the middle finger and my hand reached for the phone.

Sophie: I spoke with Aoife today. She’s worried about you. I know things are over between us, but if your sister is worried enough to come see me, that makes me worried too. Please call her and tell her you’re okay.

I read back over the note, Katie’s words echoing in my brain.

Tell him.

Before I could talk myself out of it, my fingers flew over my phone’s virtual keyboard.

Sophie: I think I made a mistake Declan. No, that’s not true. I *know* I made a mistake. I should have let you explain. I should have listened to you when you said you hadn’t cheated on me. But I was so hurt, and maybe I used Maggie’s words to justify running. Because the truth is, I’m terrified about what we have. Sorry, what we *had.* I think about you all the time. Do you think about me too? Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. It’s not fair of me to say those sort of things when I told you things were over. When I pushed you away. But I want you to know you’re special to me and I’ll always think back on our time together with … well, I’ll look back on it happily. I fought like mad to stay away from you but I’m glad, in the end, I didn’t. Things may not have gone the way I wanted, but I won’t ever regret it. I’m leaving in a couple of weeks and I don’t know when I’ll be back or if I’ll ever see you again. So please, just know that I care about you and I wish you nothing but the best.

The cursor blinked over and over again, daring me to hit send. I read the message back, the words I’d written filling me with sadness and regret. After staring at the screen for several long seconds, I deleted it and turned my phone off.

Rolling onto my side and pulling the covers over my head, I clenched my eyes shut and willed sleep to come. Two hours later, I was still awake, thinking about everything I’d left unsaid.

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