“But you want to?”
“Dear God no!” I squawked, before checking to see that no one had overheard her ludicrous statement. “I don’t think of Cian like that.”
“Good,” she said, draining the last of my cider. “I don’t do sloppy seconds.”
I debated how much to share about my history with him. It wasn’t like we’d had some great, tragic romance or anything, but he had tried to kiss me.
“I didn’t sleep with him, I promise, but I should warn you he did express some interest in me. Which I did not reciprocate.” I stressed that last part just in case she was feeling weird about it.
“How’d he take that?”
“Well, that’s where the whole ‘he’s complicated’ thing comes in. I sometimes wonder if his interest stemmed not so much from genuine attraction, but rather as a way to get one over on Declan.”
“How does Declan play into this?”
“They are best friends. Have been since they were kids.”
“That doesn’t sound like something a best friend would do,” she observed, munching on another fry.
“No, like I said … it’s complicated. Cian used to play professional rugby but he got hurt and it ended his career before it ever really got started. He was good too, which made it even worse. Now he’s working to build a life for himself here while Declan is off signing endorsement deals and making more money than Cian ever will.”
I walked around the bar and started pouring us each a cider so she would quit drinking mine.
“And you think Cian wanted to use you to get even with Declan?”
I shrugged. “I’m not sure, really. It’s just a theory.”
“Men are a bunch of assholes,” she muttered, squirting a stream of ketchup all over the rest of our fries before I could stop her. I’d forgotten she used food as a vehicle for sauces and not the other way around. Shoving a fry in her mouth, she chomped it down.
“I still can’t believe you fell for Declan so quickly. I mean, I haven’t seen you serious about someone since Stephen.” She scrunched up her nose and raised her eyes to the rafters. “I don’t think you’ve even talked about a guy in more than an offhand way since him.”
“Well, there was the one in Spain, but you’re right … he was just someone to pass the time.”
Aside from my relationship with Stephen, my transient lifestyle had only ever allowed for a few meaningless flings. But somehow, even though Katie had led a nomadic life too, when she’d fallen ass over teakettle for Jackson, she’d made it work. It wasn’t her fault he’d turned out to be a philandering drug addict whoremonger. I didn’t think anyone could make a successful relationship out of that equation.
If I was being honest, after Stephen I’d worried I wasn’t cut out for anything more, but now I wondered if I hadn’t been trying to convince myself that was the case in order to protect my heart from becoming too invested in someone and not having the sentiment returned. The theory went a long way in explaining why I’d fought my attraction to Declan at the beginning. Could things have played out differently with him? If I was sticking around, would he have tried harder too, or was he always going to cheat?
Maybe cheat, the voice in my head amended.
“So what happened?” she asked.
“He’s a player is what happened. Even though he said he wanted to make us work, apparently he changed his mind.”
“So he broke it off, just like that?”
“Nope, not just like that,” I admitted wearily. “You remember that Christmas party he took me to?” When she nodded I continued. “Well, I came face to face with one ofhis past conquests who informed me she wasn’t as far in his past as I would have liked.”
“He cheated?!” she bleated.
“So she said.”
“Shit,” Katie muttered. “What the fuck kind of man cheats on us? We are amazing, beautiful, smart, talented, wonderful, glorious women. They are fucking eejits.”
“You, my dear, might be all those things. But me?” I asked, holding up my red, cracked hands. “I’ve seen better days.”
“Shut it,” she demanded, smacking my shoulder. Then peering at me closer, added, “You just need a good night’s sleep and some moisturizer. And maybe some bronzer.”
Ouch. It was one thing to think you’d lost a bit of your hot, but having it confirmed so succinctly stung. Maybe because it was the truth. Especially because it was the truth.