Page 14 of Becoming Ben

I am riding a high from dancing, and I shake my head and reel him in. I catch a flash of surprise on his face, but then he smiles and puts his arms around me, and I can’t contain my pleased hum. He’s solid against me, more than I expected from his build, and after a fumble or two, he lets me lead. “I’ll take good care of you,” I purr into his ear, and I smile to myself when I hear him whimper. I’ll be hearing that whimper tonight in my dreams.

We dance through several more songs, fast and slow, and the feeling of Ben against me is intoxicating. When we finally both need a break and leave the floor, I subtly keep a hand on him. I don’t want to lose the contact yet. Ben tugs me toward the silent auction table. Most of the prizes are themed around self-care and wellness, and he pauses by the weighted blanket, diffuser, and relaxation sounds CD, reading the information card closely. He thinks about it for a moment, then puts in a bid. I peek at the clipboard after he moves on, and it takes everything in me not to squeak at the amount he bid. It more than makes up for our free admission.

We circle back to our table after we’ve looked at all the other items on offer, and Ben flags down a waiter to order a glass of champagne. “And one for you, sir?” the waiter asks me, but I shake my head.

“Just another Coke for me, please,” I reply.

I don’t mind that Ben is drinking, but I’ve been sober for years, and I’m going to stay that way.

I get the feeling that Ben is going to ask about my beverage choices for the evening, but Dr. Carlton approaches the table before he can, holding the hand of a slight, freckled man in his forties. “Trey! I’m so glad you could come. Gideon, this is Trey, the intern I was telling you about. If he’s not fully licensed and on our team within the next couple of years, I’ll eat my scrubs.”

The man grins at me. “Madeline, please, you’re embarrassing him. Look at him. He probably thinks you’re going to feed him to me.” He reaches out his hand to me. “It’s nice to meet you, Trey.”

She swats his shoulder and laughs while I stand up, shaking his hand and then hers. I work under her most often, and it seems that she’s happy with my work. She insists that I would be a perfect fit here once I have my degrees and license. That would be a dream come true, so I hope to make the best impression I can while I’m here.

“Call me Gideon,” the man says. “Since you’re not working for me. I’m Madeline’s husband. You’ve made quite the impression, I must say, particularly in certain circumstances.”

I know what he’s talking about. There had been a young man who called our hotline when he was considering an intentional overdose. I was only assisting Dr. Carlton, of course, but she had given me the lead on the call, and we ended the evening with the man – more like a boy, given his age – consenting to come in and get help. I knew that Dr. Carlton wouldn’t have given specifics, but I had been pleased with the outcome of that situation, and hearing that she was so happy with me that she was telling her husband was a pretty heady sensation. I’ve only rarely had someone act so proud of me.

“And who’s this?” Dr. Carlton asks, gesturing to Ben.

“I’m Ben, Trey’s date,” Ben says without hesitation, then frowns and glances at me as though he shouldn’t have said that.

I laugh. There is no way to put that cat back into a bag, but it wasn’t a secret. “Yes, Ben is my plus-one tonight. We just had a good time on the dance floor, then took a walk around the silent auction items. The dinner was great, wasn’t it?”

Everyone nods, then Gideon slips toward Ben to make a bit of small talk while Dr. Carlton looks on, and I fumble for something to say. Fortunately, she puts me out of my misery quickly. “You look good tonight, Trey,” she says. “I saw you both on the dance floor. It looks like you’re a good match. He has some nice moves.”

He really does. “This was our first time dancing together. It was a lot of fun.”

She smiles. “Good. I’ll drag my date off so you can have him to yourself again.” She recaptures her husband’s hand, and he allows himself to be towed away while I sit down with Ben again.

“They were great,” Ben says, watching them leave. “Your boss?”

“My direct supervisor, yes,” I say.

Ben nods and takes a sip of his champagne, and damn if I don’t get lost in watching his tongue lick away remnants on his upper lip. God, maybe I should just give in. I have very good reasons for avoiding casual sex or relationships, but Ben is everything I could want: kind, sweet, friendly, attentive, affectionate, hotter than hell…

Another quick sip, another quick lick. I can still feel his body in my arms on the dance floor and his hand on me at the wedding.

Yeah,I think.Maybe…

13

Ben

Ireally enjoy meeting one of Trey’s colleagues. He doesn’t talk about his internship work very much, nor does he really say anything about his paying job and volunteer work at the shelter. I’m not sure if this is because he assumes I’m not interested, if he’s cautious about clients’ privacy, or if he simply doesn’t like to talk about work outside of work.

When we talk at home I don’t want to risk making him uncomfortable, so I’ve always been very careful to ask non-specific questions. He usually gives brief, non-specific answers, and we both wind up saying very little at all.

I am curious, though.

What does he do at the shelter? How did he start volunteering there? What brought him to study psychology? And further, where had he grown up? I know he came from Denver, but had he always lived there? Why was he in Fort Collins now? Was it just for school? Would he stay when he got his doctorate? Did he want the job his supervisor seemed to think he should have once he was finished with his schooling?

I realize that I’m getting a little carried away, and I make an effort to rein in my internal dialogue.

We’ve spent lots of time together, but we’ve never really talked abouthimbefore, at least anything deeper than his favorite food or how he loves to smother his baked potatoes in enough butter and sour cream that I can feel it inmyarteries. Getting dressed up tonight and eating and dancing with him has been incredible. Every time he put his arms around me on the dance floor, I wanted to melt into him and stay there forever.

I really want to get to know all the aspects of him.

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