Page 6 of Becoming Ben

“No, I like dogs. I’ve never had a pet, but I’ve always thought that I would be a dog person,” he answers.

“That’s awesome,” I say, gesturing toward the great room. “This is the kitchen, living room, and dining room. The pantry is right there next to the fridge. As long as you’re staying here, feel free to help yourself to any of the food or drinks. I make dinner almost every night, and I’ve never figured out how to cook for one person, so there’s always lots of food. You’re welcome to join me for dinner or eat leftovers, whatever works for you. Not that you’re not welcome to cook your own food - you are. I just meant it might be easier. The TV is fairly easy to work, even for me, so I’m sure it won’t be a problem for you. You’re welcome to make yourself a profile on the services, so you don’t have to watch the things I like.” I lead him down the short hallway as I talk. “These are my bedroom and my office. I work from home, Mandy probably told you, so I’m here most of the time. Can’t beat the view, though! The view from your room upstairs is even better.”

Trey is following me obediently, looking in doorways and making admiring noises. “This is a very nice house,” he says when I stop for breath. “So it’s not just a room?” he asks. “You’re offering the run of the house and food, too?”

I turn and look at him, halting my progress to the stairs. “Of course,” I tell him. “If you’re living here, you’re family.” I’m a little confused because his tone is a little apprehensive, and I’m not sure if I’ve done something to make him uncomfortable.

He doesn’t say anything else as we climb the stairs. “These rooms are for you,” I tell him. “We can move the furniture around however you want it, and if you need any other pieces, I can buy them. I want you to be comfortable for as long as you’re here.”

Trey is looking more and more uneasy, so I stop talking and just stand awkwardly in the middle of the bedroom, wondering what I did wrong.

“This is great. Your house is beautiful, but I don’t think I can afford it.” He finally says quietly. “I don’t have much saved, and I haven’t found a job for after my RA job ends next week. I’m going back to school in the fall, so any job I get for the summer will be pretty low-paying. My budget just isn’t going to stretch to two rooms and food. I’m sorry to waste your time.”

“Oh,” I say, relieved to be able to fix the problem so easily. “I wasn’t going to charge you anything. So it’s not a problem. No budget issues!”

From the look on his face, this isn’t as much of a relief as I was hoping. “Why not?” he asks. “I don’t understand. Why would you rent out rooms and not charge anything?”

“I wasn’t planning on renting them out, even though it’s way too much house for me.” I try to reassure him. “But Mandy said that you needed a place to stay, so I figured you could stay here. Does that not work for you?” I’m starting to get a twisting, anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I’ve done something wrong, but I don’t know what. The words come pouring out of me as I try to find the right thing to say to wipe the uncomfortable look off of Trey’s face. “I never minded having Mandy’s friends here in high school. Not that you’re in high school.” A weak chuckle escapes me, but I barrel on. “I miss having people around, so I thought it would be fun to have someone to cook and hang out with for a little while. Not that you have to hang out with me, even though I like you. I’m not expecting anything.” I stop to breathe, and what just came out of my mouth plays back in my head. My eyes go wide with dawning horror and embarrassment. “Oh, God. I did not mean what that sounded like. I’m so sorry. Nevermind. I don’t know why I thought this was a good idea. I’ll just let you run away from the crazy man now.”

I end my smooth, perfectly normal rant with my face buried in my hands so I don’t have to look at Trey’s face, but when I don’t hear footsteps going back downstairs and instead hear deep chuckles, I peek through my fingers.

Trey is looking at me with a bright smile, and he reaches up to gently peel my hands from my face. “It’s fine. I know what you meant,” he reassures me. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to stay here for the summer. If you truly don’t want any money for rent, I’ll help out with chores and cooking and taking care of these guys.” He pats the dogs, who are still gazing lovingly up at him. “You have a beautiful yard out there, and I’m sure there are lots of things to do to help take care of it. I’ve never had a yard, so you’ll have to teach me, but I’d love to learn and help.”

The rush of relief and pleasure I feel when my awkwardness doesn’t put off Trey, and he says he’ll stay, seems outsized for the situation, but I’m so happy that I don’t dwell on it. I give him a set of keys, and he lets me know he’ll be back tomorrow with his things. He shakes my hand at the door, and I ruthlessly crush the desire to just hold on. I’m not sure what’s going on with me, but I know I’m suddenly looking forward to summer a lot more.

8

Trey

Ileave Ben’s house feeling confused and relieved. It’s taking me a bit to adjust to the idea that he truly doesn’t want anything in return for feeding and housing me. That’s just not the world I grew up in. From what he said, it sounds like it was pretty normal for Mandy’s friends growing up, and that’s obviously how he sees me.

On the drive back to the dorms, I start wrapping my head around the idea that if this works out, I’ll hardly have any expenses this summer, and I can take that unpaid internship. It would be a giant boost to my resume and my master’s studies, not to mention a really rewarding thing to do. By the time I’m back at the dorms, I’m getting excited. The first thing I do is write a new email to the crisis center, accepting the internship offer. If life is going to give me a chance like this, I’m going to grab it with both hands.

I bounce around my room for a while, putting things in piles to pack to my car in the morning. Finally, I force myself to lie down. As soon as I close my eyes, Ben’s face appears behind my eyelids. I smile at the memory of his awkward greeting and the adorable way he rushed to reassure me about the rent. If I can just keep a lid on the attraction, this should be a fun summer. I like Ben a lot, and I’m looking forward to having a whole floor to myself after living in one room for three years. I’ll even have a private bathroom! In all of the different living situations I’ve had in my life, I’ve never had a private bathroom.

After a night of dreams that Ben definitely had a starring role in, and that I’m not thinking about, I wake up just as excited as I went to sleep. I’m surprised at how relieved I feel to be moving my things out of the dorms. It’s like shedding an old, too-small skin and finally being able to stretch. Turning in my keys feels like a giant milestone that I should celebrate, so I buy one of the fancy coffees that I usually can’t afford on the way to Ben’s house.

Pulling into the suburban driveway next to Ben’s sensible SUV is so “Leave it to Beaver” that I smile involuntarily, and I have to squash the idea of yelling, “Honey, I’m home” when I walk through the front door. My plan is to pack my things in and then make a list of bedding, towels, and other items I’ll need, followed by a shopping trip. Ben is working in his office when I let myself in. I catch a glimpse of him through the door on my way up the stairs. The dogs are happy to see me and provide an honor guard on the trip up to my rooms.

I get to the room with the bed in it, only to find it still made with the obviously new bedding that was on it when Ben showed it to me yesterday. When I stick my head in the bathroom, the new towels are still in there as well. I can smell that everything has been freshly wiped down, but I’m surprised he didn’t pack his things away before I arrived. I’m trying to decide where to put his linens so that I don’t accidentally get them dirty when I hear his footsteps on the stairs. A shiver of anticipation runs through me, so I’m lecturing myself when he taps on the bedroom door frame to get my attention.

“Hi, Trey! Did you get everything packed in one load? I was kicking myself for not asking if you needed to borrow my car. It has a lot of cargo area.” Ben is bouncing on his toes and smiling at me from the doorway.

I smile back at him. The idea that he would just hand his car over to me if I needed it is amazing and foreign, but I can see that he means it.

“I got it all in my car. I don’t actually have that much. I was planning to pack this load in and head to the store to buy sheets and things. Where do you want me to put yours?”

Ben instantly looks almost comically disappointed, and one of the dogs whines in response. “Do you not like them?” he asks. “It’s fine if you don’t, no big deal, but I promise they’re new. You don’t have to spend money on other ones. I have spares. I’m sure we can find something you’ll like.”

“I just didn’t want to ruin any of your things. They look great, but I’d feel bad if I accidentally did something to them.” I wonder as I’m reassuring him if he has any filter at all between his feelings and his facial expressions.

“I bought these to be used,” Ben tells me with a smile. “If something gets a hole or something, I’ll just get more.”

“Thank you, Ben.” I gently place my hand on his shoulder, hoping to make him understand that I’m sincere. “I appreciate very much the effort you’ve gone to.”

Ben shivers under my hand, and I pull it away in case my touch is bothering him. When I scan his face, though, he doesn’t look upset; just a little flushed and a little confused and a lot adorable. I liked touching him too much, though, and I remind myself that I need to keep my hands to myself.

“I’m looking forward to having the company,” he tells me, “and it’s really no trouble at all.”

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